raging against the waters

yeah, one of my dream trip is fulfilled!!! finally went white water rafting in Cagayan de Oro...i once dreamed of making it to Kalinga's Chico River a couple of years ago. i already signed up till i found out i was carrying Xan pala, yun i had to back out tsk tsk...but yeah, i made it!!!!

it was quite an adventure especially since my over 60 mom came with us, while my bro chickened out hahaha! what was planned as a trip with friends turned out to be a family affair as they each backed out due to whatever reasons they had hmpf! but all's well that ends well..we each had a great time nevermind if we almost fell off the waters, or we we're too sunburned from the more than 3 hours paddling out there in the open, or had body aches all over from rowing and fighting off the raging waters. but no, no, i'm never complaining.

compared to climbing a mountain, this river actually had 14 challenging rapids we had to pass through. i'm telling you, it can be multiple orgasmic nyahahaha!

now i'm really looking forward to that one in Chico River! ;)

detaching...

i lost my shades up there in the mountains of Bukidnon..i don't exactly remember when or how, i just woke up the following morning and realized i couldn't find it among my stuffs.

and about that time too, our host was asking me if i could speak to the kids for their weekly convocation and inspire them about the value of education and everything else they were having. duh! how could i inspire them? how would i know what to say when i was too preoccupied with my loss? and i only had several minutes to gather my thoughts. hmpf!

so i guess i ended up ranting to the kids hehe...

"i just lost my shades. it's a kenneth cole which my sister gave me all the way from New York. do you know where New York is? i could rant here all i want but seeing your blank faces i realize you could never understand me enough. it's not that i'm belittling you. in fact, i envy you...i admire you for not having too much attachment with material things. what you have here is a paradise. you wake up each morning and marvel at the beauty around you, which i had to climb so high up just to experience too. phew! i almost fainted coming up here and asked myself so many times why i have to do this, i am never a mountain person. i cannot understand the idea why we have to pant and almost lose our breath just to get here. why can't we ride up any vehicle and make it easier for everyone to see? and along the way i have to lose my precious shades!"

i must not have made sense in there hehe..so i guess i just had to shift to feeling noble, throwing off words which could hopefully inspire hahaha!

but as i've told the kids, we are the ones who needed inspiration the most. we the city girls and guys who've become all too weary of the world out there. we cling on too much on material things if only to fill ourselves up of things we would forever crave as contentment and happiness. they, the kids have simpler lives, simpler peasures..we don't. we whine and rant about the littlest of disappointments. while they only have to work and study a little and everything else as free education, ample food, the wonders of nature, is given for free. sigh. if only we've had these things a long time ago then maybe we won't have to crave for more.

we won't have to cling on to insignificant things as a pair of shades.

at least i still have my limbs, my hopes, my life.

and i can always just ask my sis to give me another pair again hahaha.

otherwise i can always buy another disposable one sa tabi-tabi for like 50-75 bucks :P

i've nothing against mountains...

Valencia, Bukidnon

but darn it..it's just way too high! imagine riding on a high up blue jeep for like 2 hours over rough roads, traversing dry riverbeds and streams, and hiking up 2 hours more...waah!

i almost fainted way up, i had to stop once in a while to catch my breath, text my friends, and look back and just have to enjoy the view phew!

and as i told my friends, "i'd rather have sex and come many times over than climb this mountain and reach the peak only once. wahahaha!

oops, no offense meant to my mountaineering friends hehehe...

but yeah, it's a paradise way up there. was able to visit a high school only for the lumads, or the native tribes in bukidnon. somehow i'm glad i made it up there. at least, i'm not that old and weak not to make it up there. bleh!

hmmm...

i have interviewed the most noble persons, heard the most inspiring words, seen the most scenic places, and yet i still feel tired. how did i become this jaded and numb???

one freaky long weekend

i'm doin this amidst all the stuff i have to pack. am leavin again in a couple of days and though i know i have to be excited i still feel somehow listless. oh well, trust me for not being able to see the best in even the greatest of things. there's always a but, a mar on what could be an almost perfect event. sigh.

well let me get back to the past days i've gone through anyway...maybe you'll get to understand things better. or maybe i'll get to appreciate life more hahahay...

it's been quite a long weekend. and though i could have the choice of spending it outside partying with friends and acquaintances i'd still find myself going back to the hollowed halls which is our office.

oh well, am only describing what could have been a great event of a series of holidays and am already ranting hahahah!

sorry, this could be PMS talking out loud. i've been cramping so bad the past days. sometimes i wish i could just stick out some sore thumb up my "throat" and let it just gush out. some graphics huh! :lol:

last friday, i went out with some 30 something people whom i've met for the first time. and oh, sorry but i suddenly felt so old. oops, i hope they don't get to read this hehehehe...a friend of mine who i invited and was not even on his 30s asked me where i felt i should belong. i told him kse i felt so old being with the other group which is composed mostly of "kids" and here i am still whining that these people "my age" makes me feel out of place just the same wahahaha! errr, maybe am still in denial that i am indeed old? or maybe because i just feel i look so young being sitted alongside them (kapal! hehe) or maybe because i feel i still haven't accomplished much compared to most people my age? (hmmm, this is the bitter me talkin out i guess). well, anyway the group's tagline happens to be In your 30s? Still single? How Come? well whoever wrote that thread must be thinking hard why she's still single too and is hoping to get consolation from others who are in the same situation as she is. but most of us in the group bothered not to tackle the "how come?" part. kebs na lang...why do we have to wrack our brains trying to answer that anyway. but then again i have Xan already, why bother with it anyway. i realized i could be attached now for all i care had i opted to...nah, awat na..i would not want to go through that again. sigh...

the discussions in the group tackled careers, "close up moments" (whatever that is), and the dreaded lovelives. but then it was because of more career talks when discussions became sort of heated for the guys. i didn't exactly get it, my head was swimming in beer already heheh..we went home around 4am that day and oh, that left more thoughts for me to face the morning after. hmmm...

was still left with a couple more days then to laze and hopefully not wallow anymore. great though that i discovered this online radio which made me listen to old rock alternative tracks i haven't listened to in years. imagine me being able to listen to nirvana's heartshaped box, everclear's sta. monica, and more metallica and guns and roses and pearl jam which are not yet on my playlist?!! great god indeed! now i can't help but listen to it all day long yey!

i've also discovered some bootlegs of tori amos' latest album as stated on my previous blog entry heheh...i asked a friend to download it for me. i emailed my sis to get me the special edition package, i hope they could deliver waaah!. am such a toriphile :P

hmm, so these stuff are what made me glued on the pc the past days, other than my seemingly debilitating PMS. i'd rather stay here than go out for coffee. i'd rather order food than go get them myself. i'd rather sit here than take my shower hahahaha!

and now back to packing. sigh. this is the last leg of my trip. i''l be off to bukidnon then iligan. yey! i've just learned that there's another bundok trip in bukidnon that if it rains we'd have to walk for two hours waaah! and we'll be passing through CdO and i hope to get into white water rafting yey! and oh, i've my upcoming period to face pala, haay...bahala na.

and of course i'll be home in iligan and spend QT with my Xan. more yey!!! and though i have to interview like 4 people there i hope to be lugging Xan around so i won't have to part ways with him ever. weeeeh!

then i'll have to come back here again. for a while. this is when things become tricky. i'll be staying here for a while. no more trips. no where else to go to. that means i'll be here in the freakin office for the next 24/7 waaaah! how can i face that?? even if it's still quite far away i still dread thinkin that :(

and yeah, there's the career option to think of, finally. haven't i told you? i wanna leave this job soon! yeah, i intend to do a rico blanco of sorts. leave my job which i've had the past 9 years. it's gonna be hard. i don't even know how to start. or should i really go through it? or what. ssshhh, don't tell anyone.

well, newei, let me finish packing and just get on with the present. leaping off, thinking ahead too much most often spoils the fun d ba?!
hope you had a great weekend too.

oopps, this is quite a freaky long post too! :D

this one's a real surprise!

i was looking for tori amos rendition of Niravana's Smells Like Teen Spirit but found this one instead. My mom should be proud!! :D

my goddess is back!

...or i've gotten this news quite late???

just learned that tori amos just released her new album called american doll posse. waaah, i have to have it!!!!

help me organize my thoughts

LIKE A STONE
Audioslave
Singingfool.com

haay, so many things goin on in my head..i just wanna reminisce for now and see someone utterly guwapo and sexy on muy blog. ;)

Rico is not with Rivermaya anymore

Dear friends, i am no longer with the band and management of rivermaya. I have been with the group from the start, and after 14 great years, I am now quite excited about the chance to finally do other things with my life, pursue endeavors outside of the entertainment spotlight. This is a desire I have made known to my group as early as 2005 and have already postponed several times. I will surely miss the music and the fans and will always cherish the experience. I hope you will continue supporting the group and the whole of opm. My work is done. Thank you for all your incredible love and support.

Rico Blanco (http://amillionflames.multiply.com/)

i've always loved rico, i've always loved rivermaya. i remember bringing them to iligan before for a show. well, i lost a great deal of money over that event due to lousy transaction deals but i will always love them. they are just so adorable. not to mention that their band has been one of the best in the local industry.

i'm happy for him though...but i can't help but be senti...

and yeah, i can relate...i feel i could relate...haaay...

abangan na lang....:)

finally looking at someone in the eye

Bacolod City-- "People don't really meet together anymore, and if they don't meet, they won't grow."

this is one verse that i just read on Paulo Coellho's (again!) latest book "Like the Flowing River" but no, am not gonna be telling you about the book. i'll instead tell you about the meeting :D

One of the reasons why i really wanted to go to Bacolod, aside from my work, and visiting my relatives was to meet a fellow mom whom i met in Pex.I first met May, otherwise known as sweetwahm at the Parenting 101 forum. I was expecting Xan then and she was already holding here baby Z for a few months that time. We've been sharing a lot of stories, pics even videos on the net for over a year that we were already treating each other's babies as pamangkins. And since May is out of town, she has missed our lotsa meetings and encounters of fellow moms here in Manila. All she got of course was our stories and seeing photos of our beaming faces as we all meet eye to eye and share more endless kwentos as most moms are bound to have lots of.

True enough, it's way different when you are finally able to put a face beyond a pex handle or a YM id. and pictures shared are never enough to let us know who the person really is. It's always way better to get to see each other's eyes, each other's soul.

Thanks, May, for finally having met you and Baby Z, and even Daddy T...I'd always treasure that, not to mention our kwentos and food trips, and long walks, and coffee drinking and dessert eating, and beer guzzling hahaha! Twas indeed one great meet! ;)

beachy!

Tagbilaran, Bohol--this is my usual kind of trip...bein beachy, yeah!



Bohol has always been a great place for me to go to especially for summer. they've got a lot of attractions from the chocolate hills, the loboc river, the tarsiers and yes of course, the beaches!!!

not to mention that Bohol happens to have one of my fave organized group of past recipients of our project. they are always the most active, the most accommodating. their last project i heard was a gift giving program for their inmates last Christmas, and yeah, they did it in their own initiative. how i wish most of our other organized groups are that self-sufficient.

we were able to meet them again this time and as usual they treated us to lunch at the dak's and gam's farm, who's owner happens to be one of our winners. they then took us to the bohol beach club for that longed for sun and sea soaking...great people indeed! :D

and of course, i'd always come back for more.

finding peace up the mountains

Sta. Catalina, Negros Oriental--twas a longish 3 hour drive up the rough roads to the mountains and we felt we've been driving like forever we thought we would never see any more civilization. but of course we we're wrong. there nestled up the seeming wilderness lay a community, with the school surrounded by small homes with neatly manicured gardens.



and on top of it all was a teacher who braved the perils, gave up her city life and lived and cared for the children and the community. it is truly very inspiring to be able to find people like them. they who chose to give up a what may be a more comfortable life if only to give a better future for other people.



it is truly in these kinds of journeys when you feel you've been renewed from all the weariness brought about by our day to day existence. i still feel quite jaded by it all but somehow i'd feel that somewhere out there, people are actually living a more peaceful life brought about by their own willfull decisions. and yes, anyone, wherever we are can have this same peace. this same happiness. it's just a matter of making a choice. :)

i should be loving my life...

...but what is holding me back???

single thoughts

am so fixated with this song right now...haay, i wish i can just hug eddie vedder and comfort him haaay...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine

a different community

we went to makilala, cotabato right after the elections...though the air was still a bit tensed we really didn't have any choice as it was what our schedule could allow. one of the highlights though was visiting this community which they call the New Israel.

I was able to interview their baranggay captain and turns out that her father is the founder of the said cult which they call the Moncados. They consider their community as God's chosen site for His 12 twelve tribes. They have their own rituals and practices and are basically vegetarians. They are the believers of its founder Moncado thus are called the Moncadistas.


the activity though was an Operation Tuli for the their kids below 9 years old...there actually had an overwhelming response as people poured in in spite of the rains. our host happened to be one of the military doctor who helped organize this event.





twas indeed some kind of an experience. the locals prepared so much for it they even gave us corsages as a welcome gift. they served us lots of food nevermind if we have to eat them while hearing young boys screaming in pain in the background hahaha!

guilty pleasures

after havin lunch and coffee with an old friend, i dropped by national bookstore to get me some good book to read. oh well, i found myself on the comic book section and found these:



i already have both books alright but aren't they lovely??? i sat there for a while and contemplated on it, after all one comic book costs P839 and the other is at P979, phew! i texted my bestfriend, i felt i was such in a dilemma haha! she told me to close my eyes and choose eenie-meenie-miney-moe...but the stubborn one that i am took both and ran straight to the cashier before i could change my mind hehehe...

smart bro has to wait, never mind if my brother's gonna kill me!

at least i'll have something to pass on Xan when he gets older :D

happy gorgeous mommy's day to me!!!

finding one's bible

"i spent today outside a funfare. Since I can't afford to fritter money away, i thought it best just to watch other people. i stood for a long time by the roller coaster and i noticed that most people get on it in search of excitement, but that once it starts, they are terrified and want the cars to stop.
what do they expect? having chosen adventure, shouldn't they be prepared to go the whole way? or do they think that the intelligent thing to do would be to avoid the ups and downs and spend all their time on a carousel, going round and round on the spot?

at the moment, I'm far too lonely to think about love, but i have to believe that it will happen, that i will find a job and that i'm here because i chose this fate. the roller coaster is my life; life is a fast dizzying game; life is a parachute jump; it's taking chances, falling over and getting up again; it's mountaineering; it's wanting to get to the very top of yourself and to feel angry and dissatisfied when you don't manage it.

it isn't easy being far away from my family and from the language in which i can express all my feelings and emotions, but, from now on, whenever i feel depressed, i will remember that funfair. if i had fallen asleep and suddenly woken up in a roller coaster, what would i feel?

well, i would feel trapped and sick, terrified of every bend, wanting to get off. however, if i believe that the track is my destiny and that God is in charge of the machine, then the nightmare becomes something thrilling. it becomes exactly what it is, a roller coaster, a safe, reliable toy, which will eventually stop, but, while the journey lasts, i must look at the surrounding landscape and whoop with excitement."

i'm glad i found this book at this point in my life when i've been having a sorta roller coaster ride of my own. but then again i've always believed that our lives are always beset with ups and downs and we just live through the motions each day.

it's great to find a book which almost details what you feel and how you go about it and offers wisdom to deal with it. i admire Maria, the lead character, a young Brazilian woman who was brought to Switzerland supposedly to work as a dancer but ended up on the streets and working as a prostitute. she seems really sexy and gorgeous, and witty and strong while fighting her own demons like any seemingly weak woman out there as well.

i could read her diary over and over again and still see new light each time. and even if i wake up feeling gloomy one day, i'd only reach out to the book read some excerpts and feel great about reminiscing those times when we did have that one great love we know we'd never regret having and being thankful for that moment when we we're genuinely happy. after all, in this crazy world, being happy even for a day is already a miracle in itself....sigh....

and did i tell you that this book is oh so steamy, hot, hot too?!!! Eleven minutes is theoretically the actual time that sex happens. and this is what people think most about all the time. a mere eleven minutes hahah! but then the challenge is how to make that eleven minutes extend up to eternity. and that could only be achieved with love...oh well...

this book also details the journey of a woman who's slowly finding her own sexuality leading to her happiness. and how her profession has taught her a lot about men and how to deal with them. maybe i should be a prostitute then hahaha!!

i'm making this my bible for now. YOU, go read it and be enlightened!!!;)

single thoughts

(i guess this will come out as a series of thoughts now. let's see, let's see...)


I'm telling this to myself from now on:

"no one else can make me happy, sad, miserable, freaked out, ecstatic, furious, depressed, angry, melancholic, problematic, joyful, gloomy, etc...but MYSELF...

and XAN of course."

goin loco in ilocos II

am at loss for words...let the pictures speak for itself then...:D



mangoes for Juan Tamad...just lie down and bite off from the tree yum-yum!!


don't really mind pickin mangoes for life, weheheh....


what's an Ilocos trip without the empanadas??? hmmm....


Paoay Church







Fort Ilocandia




Hope to come back for more!!!!

goin loco in locos

pagudpud, ilocos norte---it was a 12 hour long bus ride but what the heck, we only had to sleep naman and i've got my music companion with me so no fuss at all. and what more, i was with Lala, my bestest friend since grade school and it was gonna be our first road trip together along with my work partner, Rick. i knew this was gonna be a really eventful one even if we had no resort reservations haha! we were warned we might have difficulties especially since it was a weekend but then trips are always coupled with fun and adventure, di ba??? what more, we got on board an ultra girly pink bus so could anything go wrong???!!!

we arrived in pagudpud at about 8am and asked a tricycle driver to bring us to a resort in Saud beach...he took us to Klasik beach resort and at 1500 per night for the three of us we no longer hesitated nor got picky and just got it at once. we were tired and sleepy and still grateful that we managed to get a place that fast. ;) kaso, the resort is far off saud beach pala, nasa gilid lang and our beach front is rocky, not "swimmable" at all.

we decided to take a tour instead to be scheduled at 10am later that day. we we're supposed to go to the many different attractions in the area. thus after breakfast and some shut eye we we're off to the tour yi-ha!

first stop was the maira-ra blue lagoon and it was indeed heaven! we got there around 1130, the sun was at it's brightest yet no one was complaining. by 12 noon we almost had the beach to ourselves!! i tell you, i've been to most beaches in the area, what can i say, am that beachy eh hehe...and this maira-ira has to be the best one i've gone to. forget bora or even the ones in palawan and bohol, this one is tops!!!

we left the lagoon almost 1am and dropped by the bantay abot. we took pictures then went off and looked for a karenderia to eat in. at least mura lang. from there we went to patapat viaduct. there's really not much to do there aside from more taking pictures of that long bridge.

from there we dropped by agua grande, great place they got in there. it's where fresh and sea water actually meet and it was refreshing to just take a dip there and the water was so cold. one could also get a free massage from the rushing water. ;)

our next stop was the kabigan falls. we we're told to prepare ourselves for a 30 minute hike and it was like 2pm hahaha!!! but with all the sunbathing that we've done who are we to complain of more heat :p but then i wasn't so impressed with falls sorry...i'm from iligan and we have tinago falls back home. once you've seen it, no other waterfalls could even come close. :D so i no longer took a dip there. better to go there dry and leave dry in the sweltering heat of the sun.

we paid extra to our guide for a trip to the windmills. it's quite far, we actually dozed off on the trip. it was gonna be another 15 km or so. and the windmills look scary up close huh! it's like aliens were gonna come out anytime heheh...we took more pics and just enjoyed the view and rushed back home to catch the sunset.


saud place looks good but am not able to appreciate the beach a lot. there were seaweeds, the brown ones, and the water was kinda rough unlike the one in the lagoon. oh well, it was great to laze around still, wait for the sunset and watch the world go by.

after our shower we went to to get dinner yey! and we're all famished from the tour. will post the pics later but be prepared to drool!

we had a couple of beers after and just laid down on the beach watching the stars. whoa, i haven't really done that in a while and it was just relaxing gazing at the twinkling lights at a distance, marvelling at the great places we've been to that day.

the one thing i don't like in pagudpud though is all bars and restos close at 10pm heheh...well and good though at least we can turn in early and sleep better.

more pics here!

angels or devils (dishwalla)

just can't help but listen to this song over and over again....sigh.


this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

QK at 10!!

we used to call ourselves the Quatro Kids, no, not because we had quatro as grades but only because we were in senior year back then. wow, that was ten years ago haha! anyway, we met again yesterday and i was quite surprised that we haven't changed much...we're still noisy and playful as ever hehe....

looks like we haven't aged much huh!! :P

perfect for my brooding soul

Pan's Labyrinth--am never the type who gets turned off by films wth subtitles. most of the subtitled movies i've seen were great and memorable.
i've read several reviews about this film. some find it grotesque, disturbing, boring (duh!)...but then it's the same dark imagery that drew me in to watching this. and boy, i was not disappointed at all. i actually loved every scene! forgive me for sounding so strange but yeah i sometimes delve on dark and violent films.
it's certainly not your ordinary Alice in Wonderland and i'm still confused why they rated it as PG 13. my niece who was with me was even disturbed by some scenes and she's 21. heck i even had to cover my eyes on some really gory executions hehehe...
just the same it's a great movie when you feel like you're all in anguish inside. it could be cathartic for all those dark thoughts lurking inside you. it's actually like dousing some alcohol on one's open wound. great, good God!!!!

single thoughts

was sitting long at starbucks watching at people pass by, looking at couples more specifically when i started asking myself:

M: why can't i ever find a regular guy like these girls found theirs??

Me-too: you're not a regular girl. you can't be with a regular guy.


sigh...

food trippin in palawan

i still can't help but remember the yummy food i've had in puerto princesa..hmmm...



this is the rice noodles with pork strips i ordered in Vietnamese Village...but boy, the P9 french bread is what i miss the most.

on our last night in puerto, we decided to go to Kalui's and order a sumptuous seafood dinner and whoa this is what we got...appetizers comprised of seaweeds, sauteed kangkong with shrimps and squid, a plate of grilled shrimps, grilled tuna,



we had our extra order of lobster for P600 a half kilo (that's about 3 pieces of medium sized ones)


the meal ended with a serving of fresh fruits topped with muscovado..haay so yumyum!!!


oh wel, must have gained a few pounds that day heheh...wish i could go back for more.

so did i make you drool???

confessions of a wanderlust

this is not an ordinary travelogue...

i remember i first got to travel long distance when we went to bacolod for a lola's funeral...i was about 4 or 5 then. we had to travel by boat from iligan to bacolod which took more than 15 hours then. i remembered i got so seasick, i had fever, i had to lie down on top of biscuit cans since the boat was kinda crowded.

i dunno, i was always sickly as a child. we would go to my other lola's place less than an hour by bus from our city and i would puke like hell everytime. mom would always tell me to take something hot even just water before i would travel. i would puke water instead. sigh. i'd eat something and i would barf whatever food i just ate. i thought i was gonna be a hopeless traveller.

i guess my mom took that as a challenge to take me wherever i could go. i would dread the thought of riding buses and smelling gasoline fumes. funny thing is i would be more dizzy smelling white flower and all those liniments. back then bonamine was nonexistent.

sigh. and here i am with a work that lets me travel more than 50% of the time. yeah, travelling has become a sort of addiction. i still get dizzy from time to time though. even puked a few number of times when the road really gets bumpy. bonamine is now my bestfriend.

but i realized travelling has filled up such a deep void inside of me.

here i go now.

i am always in search for something. i can't seem to stay in one place for a long time. and yeah, i am greatly claustrophobic. blame it on some stupid game i got messed up with as a kid. i can't seem to breathe when i'm confined in one place for so long. and yes, it's ever present even with how i deal with people. how i handle relationships. i am always in search. i always want to get away. to escape and get lost somewhere. i tend to want to run away when the current thing that i'm having is kinda closing in on me slowly but surely.

i'm not just you're ordinary traveller who gets itchy feet whenever. i have this deep longing for something i dunno what it is really.

i still feel i need to find my way home. just that right now i don't really know where home is. not even with my son i guess. darn, i hate this.

i so freakin hate this when a lot of things need answers.

maybe i just want to be needed sometimes.

i just dunno where is that exact place right now.

i could continue to search.

or i could just stay and look deep inside of me.

just thinkin about it makes me wanna puke once again. sigh.

sorry, as i said this is not an ordinary travelogue...

i'm in deep sh*t, am i???

keeping me sane

i'd like to share my playlist and some lil stories behind it...this has been and will be my companion in my travels...can't help but be at ease even if the roads become really bumpy and long and winding...i can just always be lost in my own world with my songs...

epiphany-staind (i'm actually born on the day of epiphany..hmmm)
closer-nine inch nails (this one's actually one of my fave sexy love song hahaha!)
love hurts-incubus (we downloaded the entire album and actually loved listening to this most especially when the roads are extra bumpy and headbanging becomes effortless)
the blower's daughter-damien rice ( i love, love this very sad, poignant song from the movie Closer)
vida cor meum-Kingdom of Heaven OST (supposedly Dante's song for his beloved Beatrice, i shouldn't be keeping more songs of unrequited love on my playlist huh!)
crash into me-dave matthews band (sexy, sexy song from The Man!)
deep-nine inch nails (who can ignore Trent Reznor???)
collide-dishwalla (two people meeting and later falling apart? tsk, tsk..)
coral sky-dishwalla
counting blue cars-dishwalla (one of dishwalla's first famous songs)
find your way back home-dishwalla
head like a hole-nine inch nails
you give me something-james morrison (c'mon! don't be so scared now ;)
last goodbye-jeff buckley
breathing-lifehouse (i love this, so easy, so stress-free, no pressures at all...even if you don't speak tonight it's alright, alright with me...)
everything-lifehouse (very hopeful yet full of apprehensions. someday, somehow i hope the questions could be answered soon)
heaven-live (my faith is mine and mine alone. no one can dictate it)
far away-nickelback
only-nine inch nails
pretty good year-tori amos (i love tori and this is one of the songs i fell in love with)
say goodbye-dave matthews band
smells like teen spirit-tori amos (yeah, atori cover yi-ha!)
the hand that feeds-nine inch nails
the perfect drug-nine inch nails
a sorta fairytale-tori amos (am just pretty hoping that the things i have right now are not just passing thru or temporary like some sorta fairy tale..oh wel..)
turn my head-live
city of blinding lights- U2 ( we hope we could have remained naive and unknowing of all the other good things in life then maybe we could enjoy life better)
burn-the cure ( hear this and imagine eric draven goin from rooftop to rooftop...the adrenaline rush is just amazing!)
for love not lisa-slipknot (from The Crow ost, my fave OST of all time)
big empty- stone temple pilots ( i remembered listening a lot of STP while studying for chem back in college. i memorized most of the songs but flunked the subject hehe...this is also from the album, Purple ;) )
dead souls-nine inch nails (haunting, inviting...that's shy i love trent so much!)
time baby III- medicine
light grenades-incubus
from a shell-lisa germano
all of this past-sarah bettens ( another depressing but melodically sweet song from the Underworld Ost)
anna molly-incubus
hover-trust company (don't shut me out...)
earth to bella-incubus
bring me the disco king-david bowie (from the Underworld OST)
rogues-incubus
falling through the sky-renholder
a perfect circle-renholder
oil and water-incubus
every little thing-dishwalla (this is currently the national anthem back home, we, my nieces, nephews and i love singing to this song altogether)

Puerto it is!!

Puerto Princesa, Palawan---after that enlightening trip to brooke's point, it's finally time to head back to the city, puerto princesa it is! yeah, i was so relieved, nevermind if we had to face 4-5 more hours of travel. at least we got seats where we could hog the aircon hehe...and though the ride was bumpy and quite hot and dusty and long i chose not to be bitchy about it anymore. after all i had my music to listen and get lost to. and i was still thinkin of the people we left behind who chose to stay there and serve. to SERVE in that place is indeed such a big word...for me at least.

we left around past 3pm and got to puerto at almost 8pm. we tried to go to this hotel but apparently it has changed management and the rates were now quite stiff. good thing am an avid pex reader thus i got to browse on the Palawan thread several options for lodging in the area. one of those i remembered was Lola Itang's, so we went there instead. and we were able to get rooms there for a minimal fee of P750 for a single accommodation. Good, good!

we rested for a while and went out to get dinner. whoa, imagine my exhilaration when i finally got into the city streets. there were cars and motorcycles and people everywhere and everything was just a-bustling! i wouldn't have mind walking through the streets even if i was still tired from the trip hehehe...was just really great to find "life" again. boy, am so mean!

we ate at chicken inato, sorry forgot to take photos this time...and then we proceeded to Kamarikutan, it's an art gallery/coffeshop/resto and i remembered loving it much there the last time i was able to visit the place. it felt like home, and it felt like i've been there several times even if i've only been there once pala.

and look who we found??! noel cabangon was actually playing for the Earth Day celebrations!

the night proved to be really enchanting as noel cabangon sang his timeless environmental songs with ladies garbed in ethnic attires gyrating in the backround. there was a bonfire and trees surrounded the place. cool, cool...too bad we couldn't stay long as we had to rest and prepare for another day's "work" the following day. ;)

still at the tip of the world!

brooke's point, palawan--
had quite an easy day. finally got to meet our nominee after about 20 minutes of tricycle ride towards the area...kinda sad looking in there but no it's not. people there are actually thriving. our nominee, young as she is actually chose to live there leaving her family and everything else behind and pursue her calling. nice, nice...

i actually felt ashamed for being bitchy when things just doesn't go the way i like it or when a little of my leisures in life are not there.

really enlightening. reminds me of how and why am still at this job in the first place. in this seemingly freaked out world, people are still out there trying hard to make a difference. they transcend all odds and go beyond themselves in spite of their misgivings. sigh...

at the tip of the world!

brooke's point, palawan-- our flight yesterday to puerto princesa was at 8am and at 630 we were still rushing along edsa to the airport heheh...good enough the computers at the checking counter acted up so it was delayed a bit...we managed to get through on thme nick of time. ;)

we arrived in puerto princesa at past 9am and lo and behold a brass band actually greeted us! but then of course, there were politicians that arrived with us hehe...

we took quite a while retrieving our bags. there were a lot of passengers and the cebu pacific flight arrived with us too. but the airport is really but small and not well ventilated. can anyone tell Mayor Hagedorn to fix their airport up?? Our Cagayan de Oro airport is smaller but well organized. puerto princesa definitely needs a great improvement especially if they are supposed to be aiming high at tourism.

our destination, brooke's point is another 4 hours from the city. we went to the public market to get on a van which leaves every alas-puno meaning once there's enough number of passengers to fill up the entire van...heck! after waiting a while we finally left at 12 noon and it was so freakin hot.

good enough the roads are somewhat better. but of course, elections are comin up so everyone really wants to make a good impression. another good thing was i had my mp3 player with me and i can just drift off and be oblivious of everyone.

finally arrived at brooke's point around 4pm...it's such a bliss that my room has aircon...too bad i don't have tv...but well, am too tired to complain...lemme just sleep all i want....:)

leavin again...

it's not that much fun anymore...

i just got here this weekend for the holy week break and the start of our validation period in mindanao.

tomorrow i'll be leaving again this time for palawan.

i still have a few trips lined up...

exciting. yeah...

but it's tiring...it's depressing packing and unpacking and coming home to the hollowed office halls and not really knowing where home is.

i'm sorry am bitchin again.

the grass is always greener in someone else's life.

summer fun!

it's a great country we have here...and summer is just one great excuse to explore beautiful sights anywhere...this time, i managed to get away with my family for once. we we're able to reserve a place at the scenic misamis occidental aquamarine park for the holy week...am sorry, but for this family, gone were the days when the holy week has been spent at home lounging and lazing and keeping quiet...instead it has become our chance to get together and hie away somewhere and just have fun and bond as a family.

located on the eastern tip of the zamboanga peninsula, the moap is actually a government owned and managed establishment located at the municipality of sinacaban in misamis occidental...to get there from our city in iligan we only have to drive less than an hour to the mukas port, get on a barge for about 15 minutes to ozamiz city and drive up another 20 minutes to the resort...yeah, this is all in mindanao heheh...

being a big family of 12, that includes my mom, us siblings and the nieces and nephews, we got the airconditioned dormitory which costs us P250 per head. the place is decent enough with network tv (yeah, only chanels 2 and 7 are available)..two restrooms, a little kitchen and 7 doubledecks...good enough for our cozy family.

a lot of activities could already be done nearby like fishing for P20 for the fishing pole and fish caught and cooked would be at P70 per kile...too bad we didn't get anything except for a couple of small tilapias which we returned to the water just the same.

there's a mini zoo carefully built around the mangroves too. we would only walk around the bamboo bridges and see lots of animals and a few more monkeys climbing everywhere...it's indeed a cool treat.


the best attraction though would have to be the dolphin island. we paid P130 per head for the entrance fee and roundtrip boat fare and just enjoy everything in there. the boat ride took about 20 minutes and what greeted us was another delight what with a big enough grandstand with several dolphins frolicking on the waters.


there were even a few giant sea turtles on the side. up ahead was a sandbar big enough for the entire family to run around, take pics and bathe...hehe, the other people left us when we got too rowdie having our pics taken.




thus we all went home sunned and tanned but with big big smiles on our faces. we took so many pics and we love looking at it over and over again. we really had a great, great time!

more pics can be viewed here!!!

my escape song...

i was checkin out my old cd collection and found this one really interesting song...i've always loved it and am so glad i found it again. i used to listen to this when i was feelin so low and just wanted to get away from it all and hope to someday find that place where i can just hide and get away from it all...

silent lucidity
queensryche

Hush now dont cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
Youre lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over...or has it just begun?

Theres a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run to in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didnt realize it and you were scared
Its a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the tears
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly, you hear and see
This magic new dimension

Chorus
I-will be watching over you
I-am gonna help you see it through
I-will protect you in the night
I-am smiling next to you...in silent lucidity

If you open your mind for me
You wont rely on open eyes to see
The walls you built within
Come tumblng down, and a new world will begin
Living twice at once you learn
You7re safe froom pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly
A round trip journey in your head
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dreams alive, you can be the guide but...

SILENT LUCIDITY
Queensryche
Singingfool.com

pursuing happiness

And it was at that time that I thought about Thomas Jefferson writing that Declaration of Independence. Him saying that we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I thought about how he knew to put the 'pursuit' in there, like no one can actually have happiness. We can only pursue it.

now that's kinda sad...but what is happiness anyway??

the first time i saw the trailer for this movie a pursuit to happyness i was actually moved to tears. trailer pa lang yun ha. but then again am such a sucker for father-son relationships...there's always somethin melancholic about fathers striving life and limb for their children...oh well...

but watching the entire movie is an entirely different feeling...yeah, i was moved to tears just the same, though slight lang...i was more moved by chris gardner's (will smith) determination to get what he wants. great thing is that he is really smart and he is bent on achieving what he wants. i dunno how man could do that. his wife leaves him taking care of his little son, he lived on every dollar he has, faces jail time, bein thrown out of his apartment. sometimes you wish it can't be all true. but chris gardner is a real man. he actually walked this earth. and has lived through the odds.

this is more or less a great, inspring story for the cutthroat corporate industry. that people can always start small and still manage to emerge succesful and powerful and drive that ultra shiny red convertible and be a multi-millionaire someday.

but it also teaches us to never lose the heart...to never cease showing compassion for other people. sometimes we set our dreams too high. we focus so hard on getting there that we tend to not see the people around us that matters. chris always has his son, he never left him. and though it was not shown in the movie, chris continued to support the homeless, giving funds and sharing his time. he also continued to advocate for the well-being of children by showing them how much it means to have their responsible and committed fathers around them. he later got a Father of the Year award. such a great guy indeed.

being happy doesn't only mean getting what you wanted and dreamed of...it's about sharing what you got and letting others feel at least a little bit of what you have too.

so you think you're happy now?