rm guesthouse

there's this inn/mini-hotel which we discovered in dumaguete. apparently, most of my suki hotels then were fully booked because of the Buglasan Festival, the Uni-games, and some other conventions.



located just across the St. Paul's Academy, it is but one tricycle ride away from the port and airport and the downtown Dumaguete area.



the room is ornately furnished. it's a bit small but it has all the basic amenities naman. and it's just PhP 550.00 for single accommodation.



what i love the most about this place is their food! and it's pretty cheap too, most meals are at PhP 60.00, cakes and desserts for PhP 40.00. there's free wifi at the lobby too.



this breakfast set of hotdogs, rice and egg is just PhP60.00 and the caramel macchiato, which is so good by the way is just PhP65.00. argh! i wish there's some cafe like that here in Manila! hmpf!

anyway, they don't have any website yet but you may contact them at (035) 422-4000 or their mobile nos. 0917-474-2724/ 0910-227-5446.

flight-y

i miss my self. i miss my soul.

i've been in transit for the past two weeks and there's still more destinations coming up. yeah, it's been really exciting and fun and interesting but a part of me is desperately hanging on to what is familiar, to what is constant.

i've been reading just one book for the past days, Haruki Murukami's After Dark. I'd leaf on a page or two on the flight or before i sleep. I've been listening to three albums in rotation too, Portishead's Third, Radiohead's In Rainbows and Up Dharma Down's Bipolar. these are but the few constant things i've been holding on to each day. i'd wake up some morning wondering where i am, what date it is. I'd even wonder for a short while why my alarm would go off each morning and what i'm supposed to be doing that day. I've lost track of dates and places. I've also missed several Survivor episodes already or get updates on the latest news. i feel like i'm just floating, losing myself in the flurry of things.

just recently, i saw some comment on my blog which had an article about an old acquaintance. the article was about some interview of a writer/poet/playright who happens to be a co-fellow of mine in some writers' workshop which i got in ages ago. i bought most of his books and my most favorite then was his Purple Cat...i guess that's how the idea stuck. I could say i'm still very much a purple cat till now.

i thought about him and our group and those days when i was still supposed to be a "writer". we used to tout ourselves as the few ones who were still "old souls", "artists", the eccentric ones. it was a fun group. i realize how i'd never want to lose my soul, myself, in the superficialities of life. i'm finding it hard to keep up with the times, with the latest fads, with what's popular. not that i'm interested in what's uso anyway.

well, i guess in this crazy, fastpaced world such pursuits could indeed become a struggle. but yeah, people like us... we'll have to get by of course.

ilog, dagat, bundok, lawa

Oct. 26-31, 2008
Bohol-Dumaguete, Philippines


ako ay isang tunay na saksi! mayaman nga ang ating bansa sa kalikasan. naman, wala pang isang linggo nalibot ko ang iba't ibang anyo ng kalikasan. wahoo!



Loboc River, Loboc, Bohol
*kung sasakay at kakain ka sa kanilang floating restaurant, 300 ang bayad at lamon all you can na sa mga handa nila. Mga isang oras din ang paglakbay nyo sa ilog at pabalik sa tourist center. may mga madadaanan kayong mga booth sa may gilid ng ilog na may mga kumakanta at sumasayaw ng mga lokal na awit.



Bohol Beach Club
*eto ay isang pribadong resort pero maaring magbayad ng 250 para sa isang araw na pagpasyal, paligo sa dagat at sa pool. Maaring ibili ng pagkain ang 150 mula sa bayad na to. lalabas na 100 lang talaga ang entrance fee. Matatagpuan ito sa isla ng Panglao, mga 20 mins. mula sa Tagbilaran.




CUFAI Community, Calinawan, Sibulan, Negros Oriental
*hmmm, mga 2 oras mula sa Dumaguete paakyat ng bundok, tawid ng ilog, etc. Mabuti na lang may sasakyan kami. Dito nakilala namin ang isang forest ranger na ex-kainginero. Sila yung mga naninira pumuputol ng mga puno sa kagubatan bilang kabuhayan, di nagtagal napansin din nila ang sirang nagawa nila kaya naisipang bumaliktad at pangalagaan na ngayon ang kanilang mga kabundukan.






Twin Lakes, Balinsasayao, Sibulan, Negros Oriental
mga wala pang isang oras mula sa Dumaguete City, kailangan ng 4x4 na sasakyan at matagtag ang daan paakyat ng bundok. Kailangan maglakad ng mga 10 minutes papunta sa bukana ng lawa, at sasakay ng bangka patawid at mapuntahan ang view deck para makita ang lawa sa kabilang side nito. Maulan nung nagpunta kami pero bahagya din tumigil at sumilip ang araw. Ganda, ganda!

Kaya pala masakit ang buong katawan ko...haaay. hehe...

catch me if you can!

Oct. 26-28: Tagbilaran, Bohol
Oct. 28-31: Dumaguete

Nov. 3-5: Cebu
Nov. 5-7: Iloilo

Nov. 10-14: Batanes

Nov. 19-24: Macau-HK

Nov. 30: Tagaytay (office Christmas Party)

Dec. 3-6: Vigan

Dec. 10: Iligan (maybe)

tinatamad ako just looking at my sched...yeah it looks really exciting but the logistics is pretty much killing me. there are hotels to look for and book, schedules of contacts to fix, transpo routes to research for. sometimes i wish these were scattered all throught the year with ample intervals in between just for me to catch my breath, and yeah pack and unpack my bags.

what keeps me excited though are the people i will be interviewing in this project, yey! in bohol it will be the founder/trainer of the loboc boys choir. i've already played it my mind how we could let the boys sing while cruising along the loboc river. the visuals are just too good aww. and i'm expecting to cry once more hearing the stories of these little boys and most of all the their founder ala Alessandra de Rossi's Munting Tinig.

over in Dumaguete, we might have to scale the mountains again as the nominee is a forest ranger. i hope there's a ceasefire in those areas right now wehehe. the last time i went there a crossfire ensued among the militaries and some of our "friends" there that classes were suspended for days. good luck!

i'm no longer that excited with cebu really, it looks just like manila anyway. but we'll be meeting a young furniture designer who's been to australia for a while but came back and opened his business in the country. he's known to have trained and given jobs to most of his neighbors in the community, let's see, let's see.

i still dunno who i'm interviewing in iloilo, babasahin ko pa hehehe.

in batanes, i'm really just a salingketket...this is my officemate's area and i just "volunteered" to help him out wehehehe. it's my first time to go there, yey! i just hope the weather will permit us to go. the locals say it will soon be "winter" in batanes and that means it will be too cold and winds harsher that it could topple even the jeepneys that would be cruising the island. awooo!

as with Macau and Hongkong, i've actually prepared the itinerary already haha! i even have the budget estimates for each day. i'm that OC with my travels, i want each aspect covered, each destination researched. though i know so well that itineraries are rarely religiously followed, it at least makes me more secured especially when in some place for the first time. i'm expecting a lot of walking and sightseeing, at least for once i won't be working here.

then december will just breeze by pretty quickly. i still haven't decided whether i'll go home earlier except if there are still more activities that i'd need to go to here. i have to be back earlier this January as my sked is still full. oh well.

happy holidays in advance then haha!

did you know that...

there is such a thing as gourmet tuyo?

yes! i chanced upon this at some deli near my place and since i've been trying so hard to stay away from processed foods and anything salty or sweet or fatty i didn't bother to take a second look. but this morning when i dropped by the deli again i got too intrigued and read its ingredients, and oh, it's supposed to be swimming in olive oil naman pala so it should be healthy eh? best of all it has no more kaliskis anymore which i don't really like from any fish.

i tried one today and i've to say it is pretty good especially with rice and kamatis. yun nga lang napapadami ang kain ko haaay.

i've put on some weight the past days pero ok lang, next week na ako mgda-diet. hihihi.

current reviews

MOVIE: Harsh Times

this is quite a surprisingly absorbing film especially when i haven't really heard anything about it then. i sort of just picked it up off the shelves in Video City and wow, i'm impressed!

i'm never a fan of Christian Bale not even as Batman but he is indeed oh-so-good here! i'm actually googling for any awards or citation buts can't seem to find any. it is a bit similar to Training Day especially since it has the same creators but I have to say this film moved me more, even if that has Ethan Hawke in it hehehe...

oh yeah, Freddy Rodriguez (Havoc, A Walk in the Clouds) is as yummy anyway. add in teeny but ever gorgeous Eva Longoria as well.








BOOK: A Thousand Splendid Suns

i have to say it was a bit laborious reading this one. i had to stop in between chapters in order for me to breathe and most often shake off the negative images that never fails to make me cringe.

a thousand splendid suns is about two women finding their lives intertwined amidst the atrocities in Afghanistan. it spans almost 30 decades of the countries darkest years starting from the Soviet occupation, to the rise of the Mujahideen, and later the rule of the Talibans. i honestly could not tell which ones oppress them more. it seems that instead of being hopeful about seeing their current enemy falling, another more barbaric rule would later follow.

i saw myself taking notice of the timeline alongside my own and it breaks my heart realizing that while i was feeling high and mighty and rebellious supposedly battling teenage angst all of these oppressions were going on in their country.

what bothers me more is that the human drama, the violence was even more severe in the confines of their own homes. among husbands and wives, among sons and daughters. i would like to believe that indeed war could turn the sanest of men into the vilest of creatures.

it makes me wonder how could anyone ever gather enough strength to go on, where could anyone draw hope in ever seeing a better life again.

i so admire how the author could use the most beautiful words, the most awe-inspiring imageries in spite of the war torn background.

i love Kite Runner, and i love this one too. i really can't decide which one is better but i believe i don't really have to. just like with the former, i also cried, moped, and pondered on this one.

*sigh*




SONG ALBUM: Third by Portishead




portishead has always been my female radiohead.

definitely great for head-tripping. makes me feel fuzzy and heady and hazy and floaty with all those wonderfully dizzying colors everywhere.

should i get a blue ribbon already?

i can't put this on the recipes section because i just sort of put them together and dropped it on the pan but yeah, it went well naman.

i've been craving for chicken cordon bleu for sometime now and since i've gotten so kuripot about eating out already i decided to make my own. i googled the recipe and found so many ways of making it i just chose the simplest, most realistic for me to do.

for one, the chicken breast was supposed to be pounded by a mallet but i don't have one so used i the sides of my ceramic saucer hehe...

i sliced it in half leaving just some space for me to stuff ham and some cheese. i added a little mayonnaise just for some tangy taste. others suggest mustard but i don't really like its taste. using catsup would prove to be too tacky.

i dipped it in some beaten egg, and sprinkled it with ajinomoto crispy fry because i'm so tamad to mix my own breading. oh, i added parmesan cheese on my breading just for some effect.

i don't have a deep fryer so i just used my one and only non-stick pan and fried it in low heat just to make sure that the insides gets cooked as well.

i laid it on some paper towels just like what they do in those cooking shows to let excess oil drip. and voila, i had my very own chicken cordon bleu!!

i know there's supposed to be some sort of sauce for this but i dunno how to do it anymore. besides dagdag calories lang yan di ba?

nurturing my animus

i spent my Sunday night to early morning of Monday watching the Godfather trilogy.

wow, i knew those were good films but i've somehow forgotten how great they were. i have fallen in love with the Corleones all over again and though there were instances when i would flinch everytime those morbid killings where shown, i've to say i must have shed tears on countless scenes already.

and i just finished Donnie Brasco...and there's gonna be more as there's still Goodfellas, Scarface, and a few more in this dibidi hehehe.

****************************************

i finally got my file of Metallica's Death Magnetic, great thanks to Sef and to Karl.

i have yet to listen to it over and over again and let it grow on me but i have to say it's still the same Metallica i was crazy with years ago.

it's still the same blend of noise i remember from Enter Sandman, and hearing James Hetfield softly lament " How can I be lost? If I've got nowhere to go?" i know it's still the good old Metallica that's definitely back in circulation.

darn, i am missing my old Black album which is still in cassette tape haha!

*******************************************

pretty crazy though, i tend to feel more nostalgic and teary-eyed than masculine having indulged in some things.

maybe i'm just really getting old and is only remembering my old interests and hobbies. or it's just that i'm still but every inch a girl after all wehehe...

the night the atenistas made lusong in the putikan

i didn't know i could make it. my flight from cdo was at about 4pm that day and i knew getting a cab from the airport late in the afternoon was a mean feat in itself. i was so much hoping i could make it to the 6pm mass at the gesu by i knew it was already futile.

oh well, i got home at past 6pm and rested a bit. of course i woke up at past 8pm already. i felt i was too tamad to go but i realized i need to go out for dinner anyway and i was so bent at getting the autographs.

what greeted me was the long line of cars from gate three and more throngs of people in blue from all ages. there were young boys and more young giggly girls everywhere. there were moms and dads even lolos and lolas and babies carried by their parents in blue too.

i wasn't expecting the putik, my gawd! i should have known that it has been raining in manila the past days that I've been away.


i was hungry so i looked for the food stalls first. there was a lot but there were queues in the booths too. i decided to go around a bit, take pictures and maybe look for some people that i know. a few friends that i was supposed to meet that night backed out because of the heavy traffic everywhere in the metro.

after grabbing spaghetti from some both and free mineral water from a sponsor i looked for a shirt, poster or anything i could have signed. then i started joining the ones in the already long line for the autograph signing. man, even the basketball players were still on stage making kwento about their recent win and yet we were already lining up for their autographs. yeah, i remember i did line up years ago when wes gonzales' team won too but i've forgotten it was that long! i started lining up at around 10pm. a friend of mine has arrived and was somewhere in some booth but i was determined in getting my autographs haha! yes, so many times over i did ask myself if i wanted to go on waiting. and i realized that i was already there, i didn't have anything else to do anyway. my feet was already dirty and muddy and i didn't want to go home empty handed.

i was still so tired and sleepy from my trip. everything was just so heady i felt like i was just in some dream. i know i can go home anytime but as i stood there in my queue amidst all these young girls and boys with their moms or yayas i knew i needed to go on.

through it all, some bands did play to cheer us on. there was spongecola, parokya ni edgar, miguel escueta, kjwan. bianca gonzales hosted and a few other celebrities showed up. even wes gonzales, doug kramer, rich alvarez could be found milling along with the crowd. i even saw jim paredes and boboy garovillo. too bad i got shy to take their pics as well. it was pretty hard to go around but everyone seemed to be enjoying walking around the putikan hehe.

at almost 1am i finally got inside the tent for my autographs, wow! just as well as the rain started pouring in. everything was a haze inside the booth, i didn't really know all of the players so i just handed them my stuff and took pics. i was actually more startstruck at yael yuson who joined us and lined with us for the autographs ahihihi.



it was a good thing that i had an extra poster with me to sheild me from the rain. i wasn't able to meet with my friend already, sorry crise! i stayed at the office a bit while i waited for the rain to stop. i was dead tired but i had to clean up my tsinelas and my feet. i think i still left some traces of mud back in the office.

oh well, i got what i wanted, i didn't care anymore what body pains i got from all that standing and waiting. and oh, i'll do it again, make my kids do it again, if they have to when the chance would come once again.

haaay, masarap talaga ang atenista...

ooops, masarap talaga maging atenista pala. wahehehe.

forever

Now, while we're here alone and all is said and done
Now I can let you know because of all you've shown
I'm grown enough to tell ya
You'll always be inside of me.

heard this song in the cab on the way to the airport yesterday. this song never fails to pinch my heart a little. i remembered reading about this from some Tagalog comics like twenty years ago. i forgot what the comics was, must be Universal or some other local one which featured a song embedded in some love story hehehe. it was about this usual boy meeting and falling in love with this girl, they hit it off okay for while then something happens and the girl falls out of love and leaves the guy. the guy ends up devastated and losing his mind. the ending clips showed the guy running after every girl he sees thinking she was the love he lost. awww.

Forever in my heart
Forever we will be
Even when I'm gone
You'll be here in me
Forever

Kenny Loggins

*******************************************

must be quite coincidental that i get to hear this song while i'm on my home to my province and be reminded of my childhood. the home which i've always loved going back to whenever. it never fails to give me utter comfort, pure solace. who cares about news of red alerts and ravages nearby. this is where i grew up and nurtured this wonderful life that i am having.

i'm so glad that i'm just home for now.

...

why does one need to leave?

i know this is the nth time i've been posing this question. and i guess i'll continue asking this as i see more and more people who should be together are kept apart by circumstances.

i am going home soon. i don't have much with me but i don't really want to care. all i want right now is to just be with the people that matter even for a short while.

i'm afraid i've spent a lesser time with Xan this year and i don't really want to lose that chance especially when he is still young. i guess no matter how much i'd get to accomplish, i will always have to blame myself for my misgivings to him. i will never feel fulfilled, i will never feel complete.

i heard some conversation one time about a wife who was prodding her husband to go abroad if only for them to have a better life. i felt so mad, so annoyed. she doesn't have any idea what she's asking for. she doesn't have any inkling how bad it feels being apart from one's family. but being a mere spectator that i was i could not say anything. i can't blame people from dreaming about going somewhere else. from wanting to pursue better places if only to fulfill one's dreams. i detest it yet i myself is in the same situation.

being apart from one's loved ones is never easy. yes, we may be enjoying some little comforts or living the lives and opportunities of what a lot of others have only been dreaming about, still it is never easy being here.

i will forever miss those lost chances, those times that should have been spent being with others instead of just being by myself.

argh, i need to stop.

GMA's Survivor Philippines

i so love, love it so far!!!

i hope it stays as good and as dramatic and as challenging in the episodes to come.

i'm loving the shots and the cinematography no matter how the camera could get quite dizzying at times when there's just too much action.

but yeah, being the Survivor fanatic that I've always been, i'm loving the pilot episode so far.

bigla akong naghinayang bakit di ko naisipan man lang na mag audition ahihihi.

my early favorite so far is Lola Zita, the 46 year old labandera who's a single mom to 7 kids and lola to 14 grandkids! and Yaya Patani, a babysitter from Cebu.

Madaming beefy eye-candies sa mga guys pero well, mas aliw ako sa characters ng mga girls haha!

this is such a great project for GMA. and i'm more thrilled too that QTV 11 will soon be airing Survivor Gabon this month too, yey!!!

(photo courtesy of survivorphilippines.com)

a not so practical tip

i sprayed bath and body works cologne on my floor because i could not stand the smell of liquid wax and chlorox.

oh well, i won't be doing this again sometime soon anyway so it should be fine. but i've to say it just smells so heavenly.

back in my old place, i used to clean my linoleum-covered floor regularly with rolls of tissue soaked in alcohol.

i walk around barefoot most of the time thus unclean floors make me feel icky.

one semi-charmed night

it was a pretty crazy night, i knew there was going to be the longest bar for the Guinness book of world records but i didn't expect it was that long. it was only about 7pm and there were a lot of people already. there were still some vacant tables near the Lourdes Ave. entrance but we were there for Third Eye Blind which we heard was gonna play at the last of the four stages. I was glad I was with friends who had the same 3EB enthusiasm as i got. we trudged on indeed to the frontmost part of the longest bar which was already at the corner of J. Vargas and Ortigas. that was quite a long walk and a lot of elbowing and sniffing of grilled foods and peoples' sweats haha!

3EB came out only at past midnight, i was a bit tired already after having wrestled for some seats at the nearest table we could find. nope, we didn't make it to 1500 crowd nor the 300 crowd. after all we only got the 120 tickets for free so we could not really complain. i only managed to drink one cup of the 2 free cups because i didn't wanna have that urge to pee and use the portalets, eww! hehe. we saw Rivermaya perform and a few other bands who i didn't really know. i heard there was a stampede at some other stage over Sugarfree. Ariel and Maverick were at some rooftop for their own coverage. they were in their usual colorful outfits and it was more fun watching them from a distance instead of those nameless bands who were mostly singing covers anyway.



when 3EB was about to come out we noticed that the 300 entrance was already open so we ran up nearest to the stage as we can. well at least it was just about 50 meters away, yey! when they opened up with Losing a Whole Year i just wanted to cry out and scream. i knew then that i was to have some grand time of my life. playlist is as follows (yep, i took down notes haha!):

Losing a Whole Year
Wounded
*Narcolepsy
Graduate
*Danger
Never Let you go
A Bonfire
Motorcycle Drive By
Don't Believe a Word
Deep Inside of You
Jumper
How's it Gonna to be
Semi Charmed Life
some parts Stairway to Heaven hehe
Encore: God of Wine

*had to ask for titles of these

it was really stupid of me not to have brought my camera, well i didn't know we were going to be able to go that close anyway. and worse, my camera phone died out on me after a few vids argh!!!

but still the experience was all worth it especially when we didn't pay for anything. thanks to friends again, weeeeh!

Stephan Jenkins seemed old, his voice was kinda strained on some parts and it looked weird seeing him jump up and about and screaming.

we already went out right after Semi-charmed Life only to hear once more that they encored with God of Wine. We stayed outside for a bit and saw a lot of emo kids having a show of their own wehehehe...such a semi charmed night indeed!

good old bacolod

i've always loved this place. i once said to myself that i don't mind relocating and living here for good. its local charms, its serenity has always made me feel at home and at peace. it helps a lot too that my father came from the area. most of my relatives are still here enjoying their own piece of heaven.

bacolod will initially strike you as some lazy, all too laidback town. you'll notice people milling around the streets, in the malls, or lazing in cafes and restos scattered all over the city. don't get me wrong though, most of them are actually successful and are enjoying flourishing careers. just that they must be the most un-flurried people i've ever known. they do take pains in dressing up though before they go out. thus you'll see a lot of really well-dressed people sipping coffee or just walking around.



a historian pretty much told me that this is much influenced by the cultivation of the sugarcane industry from way, way back. sugarcanes are known to be planted and harvested only once a year, the rest of the year most of the people spend their time waiting, playing mahjong, hanging out while waiting for the next planting and/or harvest season.

it also has the freshest seafoods and the most ornate, complicated servings of breads and pastries of all sort of shapes and sizes and varieties. haaay, bacolod is one gastronomic haven on its own.

and one of the thing that endears me the most is the musicality of their dialect. too bad my dad, didn't live long enough for us to learn how to speak hiligaynon. but its sound has always been to malambing, so nice to hear.

i will always come back to this town. i will continue loving it and its people no matter what.

Iloilo Churches

i have been to Iloilo several times though this is the first time when i got there alone. i didn't want to just stay at my hotel room for the longest time thus wasting my time indoors so I thought of visiting the many old churches in the area, I did ask some friends, looked up the internet and made up my list. when i got to the city i contacted some taxi driver who could take me around armed with my list and my camera of course.



my first stop was in Molo Church, otherwise known as St. Anne's Church it is also considered as some feminist church as it has most of the female saint statues lined up towards its altar.



next stop was in Tigbauan, sad to say the church was closed that time so i didn't really get to see its interiors.



Guimbal looks so dainty from outside most especially with its yellow stone and dreamy looking drapes. its interiors was a bit plain so i didn't bothered taking pics anymore, yikes.



Miag-ao Church is actually my ultimate destination for this trip. i chanced upon this church years ago on the way to antique. it has been years but it's magnificent image lingered in my mind and i knew i just got to come back and see it again up close. and yeah, i did!



it was about noontime and the church was closed. i managed to approach someone who i've asked to open the church's doors for me saying i just came from afar and i needed badly to see its interiors after showing them my media ID ahihihi.

and lo and behold, i was truly held captive by its ornate design, its gold-ish interior, its high ceilings and well-carved windows.



and i'm not surprised at all if this was marked as some UNESCO Heritage site. It is also culled as a fortress church with its thick walls and secret passages.




my final stop was in Jaro Metropolitan Cathedral just amidst the bustling town of Jaro. The church has Our Lady of the Candles as its patroness and holds its fiesta celebration every 2nd of February with some grand pageantry. inside its church are mostly male saints, thus it is considered as Molo Church's counterpart haha!



just across Jaro Cathedral is the bell tower, it used to be a part of the church's compound but some road was built between them for the government's road widening project.

so that wraps up my early visita iglesia in the now colorful, busy town of Iloilo which also has about 3 SMs, a Robinsons, and a few more Gaisano superstores among all the other establishments in the area. And the new international airport is one thing i was truly amazed too. Viva Iloilo indeed!

highs/lows

I've been tagged by mec.

Here are the Rules:
1. List things that makes you happy and what makes you sad..
2. Add your blog to the list. Feel free to add all your other blogs.
3. Tag other online friends you know...



WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY?

1. a fast enough internet connection most especially because i'm almost always alone and this is one of my ways to stay connected.

2. being with Xan, family my, may mahal sa buhay.

3. hanging out with my friends accompanied with good food and great conversations.

4. beach trips!

5. having my photos taken and getting great results haha!

6. caramel macchiato

7. hugs and kisses through text/ym messages.

8. being given/granted what i wanted or worked for.



WHAT MAKES ME SAD :(

1. missing Xan, my family and all that i hold dear.

2. brown outs/erratic internet.

3. being broke haha!

4. failures/rejection

5. my loved ones being sick or unwell

6. heavy rains.

I'm tagging anyone who wants to do this

my own golden child

(this essay is an entry to this online literary contest . good luck to us all and happy reading.)



I can still vividly recall the first time I finally held you in my arms. I was supposed to breastfeed you not because it is hospital protocol but because it is the right thing to do. Although I felt like I was going to die bringing you into this world trying to push for hours only to be cut up and have you taken out of my tummy I just could not help but see you as some tiny, glorious miracle. I ended up inspecting your fingers, your feet, and pinching your tiny nose as tears fell freely instead of me having to feed you with my milk.

Nothing is more heartwarming, more fulfilling than finally seeing and holding one’s own flesh and blood in our arms. I knew then that I have just became the most empowered woman there is. And you are going to be the most empowered son I could ever have. Even as a little baby in my tummy you have always been too defiant. You'd kick when I would try to reach out and caress you. You would roll all over when I'm about to sleep. You'd keep still when I'm travelling and moving around as if enjoying the same sights I am seeing.

When you came out you have always been big for your age with that seemingly all knowing eyes as if you know exactly what you want to do with your life. And looking straight at them makes me feel like i'm going to be your slave for the rest of our lives.

Yes, you can be whatever you want to be. No doubt about that.

You hear some upbeat tune and you would just dance to your heart's content.

You love singing with your cousins and would squeal and play the drums or strum the guitar or whatever is available.

You would write on the walls, on the sofa, on the pieces of paper you could get your hands on as soon as you take hold of some pens. And yet you are only two years old!

We can only guess and marvel at what you will become when you get older.

True enough, bringing you into this world alone will not be some mean feat. I have always been scared of what you might become if I will not hold you with some iron hand. But much as I would want to shelter and protect you from all that is evil and unpleasant I know It could never be done. Ideally for some it would be more comforting and much easier if I will have your life mapped out ahead for you. I can create some blue print if I want to and mold you into the kind of person I would want you to become.

But of course that can never be done. Not because it will be extra hard but mostly because I don’t believe it is the right thing. My own experiences in life have taught me to be extra strong, to be extra independent. I learned to fend for myself at quite an early age. And though there are times when I wish someone has always held my hand and led me to whatever path I would have taken I would always feel prouder about being able to make the right or wrong choices for myself.

They say a child should be reared with the right guidance and values till up to eight years old. By then they should have been more equipped to take on the world by themselves. Our constant fear for our children not being able to do the things they ought to be doing will always be there. But as the great prophet Khalil Gibran said, "Your children are not your children". We are only the instruments in bringing them to the world. The rest will all now be their choice.

The possibilities are endless. I am actually more excited and eager in discovering each day what you will be when you grow up. I will forever marvel at how you are going to live your life by yourself. I will be more proud of you and of myself if you become a better person all because of the choices you make and not because I hovered over you and dictated what you must do for each step that you are going to take.

I only vow to become one proud momma and not some evil stage mom. :p

there's gotta be a better ending than this...

i've had a pretty rough long weekend.

it might not have a shown a bit as i chose to keep myself busy over a lot of other things if only for me not to notice what i have been missing terribly.

i spent most of my saturday sleeping and going out to buy stuff. the price of loneliness can be quite expensive. but i wanted to give myself some rest by buying more items limiting myself to the houseware section and the children's department for Xan's clothes. i chose not to buy stuff for myself. i decided to just focus on other people. for once i didn't even bother try eating out. instead i found ways to cook meals for myself. after all preparing and cooking meals is another bit of distraction.

i tried out preparing tuna mushroom omellete. then studied the preparation of french toasts. tonight i whipped up some bacon mushroom pasta in creamy tomato. i've been cooking and eating the past days.( i took a lot of pictures but adding them here will only make this post so pretentiously happy. )

i'm glad i still have a couple of Nancy Drews to read till i could finally sleep. and sleep takes place 6-7am.

but i felt light. i felt i need not worry about missing anyone. time will pass by quickly just the same anyway.

but feeling light and seemingly worry-free made me feel uneasy for a while. it seemed strange. it didn't feel right. something felt utterly wrong.

i rationalized thinking it was meant to be. maybe i just prepared myself too much. i didn't need to feel anymore burden about it.

i even went out with friends and told people how i felt. it was a strange feeling just the same.

then it actually came.

i was staring at the ceiling thinking how unbelievably light i felt but only broke down into sobs. it came out softly then it became uncontrollable. i started to wail. it felt harder and harder to breathe but i felt great sobbing and crying and wailing. it was so weird. i wanted to stop but i could not. i must have cried for hours till i fell asleep.

i woke up feeling so tired and wanting to cry some more. my throat hurt and my head started throbbing. it was plain painful i knew i just had to let it all out.

after a while i texted friends because i wanted to go out and walk. i wanted to shop, eat, drink some more. unfortunately no one was available. woe is me!

i wento to tiendesitas and loitered around a bit. i was eyeing this purple swimsuit but found out i could not withdraw cash from all of the 3 atms in tiendesitas including the 2 terminals in SM Hypermart. i realized maybe it was the world's way of telling me i should not buy anything more. i don't need it anyway. i went home after walking around a bit.

i still feel so tired.

and now there's this other news that broke my heart once more. my hometown of iligan has just been put into a state of calamity. people were killed, a lot of others evacuated. some friends texted me and found it good that i am here and safe. i could not thank them at all. why should i, my family is still back home. i can't help but be worried sick about them.

i used to shrug off terrorist attack news back home. now it just feels so real. and i don't know how to react on it anymore.

my sister is leaving in the next few days too. but oh, that's another sob story on my end of the world. yes, people leave because they have to. i have learned to accept that a long time ago. it's something we cannot control really. but we can't also help feeling sad about it if only for a while.

i don't mind indulging on the sadness for now till i'd eventually feel okay about everything. it takes a while of getting used to, eh.

meanwhile, help me pray for strength, for peace, for understanding.

i am hoping tomorrow, the next days will be better ones.

rice crisis

bumili ako ng rice cooker hoping mas makakatipid ako this way. instead of buying 2 cups of rice everyday for like 20 bucks magluluto na lang ako at least once every two days at magbaon na lang ng rice. mas tipid kung feel ko mag diet at 1 cup per day na lang kakainin ko.

i was at the grocery store this morning though hoping to buy rice only to be faced with a shelf full of several varieties. there's dinorado, sinandomeng, milagrosa, jasmine, some other from thailand and japan, there's brown rice and even some basmati.

so is there any rice expert out there who could sort of orient us with these different varieties?

back home we'd buy Youngmaster's rice. but i don't really know if it is the brand name or the variety. i couldn't find it anywhere here in the grocery or at the sari sari store near my place.

what are the differences anyway?