mommyhood becomes me...

(this is a repost from my entry for momexchange)

"i just came from my OB, i am 12 wiks preg. am sori but i've never felt this hapi b4."

i remembered that was how i texted my sister and my bestfriend the news. i have just came from the OB then for my check up. i was sitting at dunkin donuts near world citi i could almost feel the tears welling up. i was happy. i've never felt such joy. and though they did not even know i was with someone then they both responded favorably. my sis asked me at once as to whether i wanted her to tell my mom or i could just tell her myself. my bestfriend only told me she's happy for me and to take care of myself. and to come home soon. home where i could be well taken care of with my delicate condition.

this was almost two years ago, i was 29. i remembered i was telling my high school friends then how i'd have a child by the time i was 30 married or not. i guess i was just so heartbroken then and felt i am a hopeless case as far as succesful love stories are concerned. they all pretty laughed about it and called me too independent and even selfish. why would anyone wants to bring a child into this cruel world alone anyway? but here i was anyway, pregnant and single.

though i was with a guy, yeah, he's not just some guy i picked up in the bar or along the streets hehe...we had something, i was happy with him. i almost felt like i could actually live with him for the rest of my life. but ewww, time passed and i realized there's no point staying and making it work....

i went on with carrying my son. of course, the next trimester was not so good. i would throw up morning, noon and night. worse, i wasn't able to tell my officemates then. my mom flew in at once and asked me how i was. she didn't ask me for anything nor my plans. she just wanted me to go home. i insisted to stay though as i still have to work.

when i finally told my boss, who happens to be a priest, he just asked me how i am and if i needed any help, counseling or any emotional support. all i asked was for him to support me. my officemates hugged me and was happy for me. except for those a few who chose to talk behind my back though. normal na yun, after all, some people couldn't really wait to bring us down.

i would read up on the internet a lot as i was counting the days. i remembered i even had to travel then for work but i welcomed each challenge. i was on my 5th month when i went to cotabato to do some interviews. was on my 6th when i flew to legazpi for research. i remembered i couldn't take anything beef and pork. i didn't have any particular cravings. i just wanted to watch game ka na ba everyday hahahaha!!! no wonder!

i went home to iligan on my 8th month in time for the xmas break. my mom flew in again to accompany me home. i was almost denied passage at the airport good thing mom was there to assure them i'd be alright and it would be best i come home soon.

my preggy days in iligan would have to be the best. my nieces and my nephews would camp around me and feel my tummy. and how they'd giggle when my baby starts moving and poking his knees or elbows maybe. and how he would stir up when they would sing him "my humps, my humps!" hahahaha. and they would text me every single day if i wanted to walk around the city for my exercise. my baby wasn't born yet but our home was already filled with laughter and anticipation.

oh well, xan is indeed in this world now. not just bringing laughters but chaos and bewilderment, shrieking and wreaking havoc everywhere. he's still my little precious. and he's growing to be a cutesy, more adorable, soo kulit baby each day. me on the other hand have never felt this blessed. true, i still have those dark episodes sometimes, which i would indulge in anyway...i still am able to come off it pretty well as soon as i've stared at my son's wonderful features.

motherhood is indeed a bliss no matter how hard the circumstances you've come through just by bringing him into this world. true, so true. :D

headbangin with Miller's 300

the movie is indeed a feast for the senses. not just with it's stunning visuals but more so because of the hardrock musical scoring. grrrr, can't help but almost wanting to bang my head as the warriors head on to battle. i swear, i really think trent reznor, eddie vedder and even creed's scott stapp should have been one of those spartans!

whisperings...

come to me...calm me
comfort me from all these storms

am drownin. am suffocating.
hear me. tear me up.

i need peace
i want pieces of me back.

help me..let me
feel what it is to live again.

fill me. feel me.

ateneo blues

yeah, i've lived here inside the campus since time immemorial. never left actually. but then i've stayed away from the college for a while now. my life then in the ateneo seemed too distant just the same.

however, i got to reminisce my old days when i met my long lost friend KF this weekend. i agreed to tour him around the college, technically though we toured it together as i've never really visited our spots again in a long time.

we started off walkin along edsa walk and searched for our org corkboard, unfortunaly we didn't see much posters, not that many activities huh?

then we went lookin for our org room, drat the old building where we used to hang out is no longer the old dilapidated one instead there stood this fancy, fancy building which we can't see ourselves runnin and lounging around tsk tsk...we even looked for our old maintenance guy, mang manny but we didn't find him anymore. but the new building though is now named after him, yun nga lang Manny Pangilinan hahahah!!!

from there we went to the Church of the Gesu and stood in awe at the magnificent structure. KF though went lookin for the sword supposedly held by the Sacred Heart statue of Jesus *boink-boink*!!! patience, patience my dears. :D

then we went to pollock and looked at the magnificent view overlooking marikina. i remembered having watched the moonrise there over the valley. there we sat for a while and caught up on things. i really missed those conversations. even the meaningful silences shared. i believe we do need that deep conversations once in a while. it does pay to have a friend who knows you and who can get you and would care listenin to you rants and all.

from there we went to the back of faura building, another fave spot. too bad the sun was out already. we used to get a good view of the sunset then. there are tall buildings now blocking the view though. sigh.

sa likod ng ng faura, it's there where we used to stare at the people outside. marvelling at how busy their lives are as they rush from one destination to another. we used to create stories about people in the cars passing by. at the same time we would reflect on our lives. how distant we are from them. it's like bein on a fishbowl. inside the ateneo everythin is safe, controlled, warm.

we must have stayed there for hours. talking and not talking. after all, as padre ferriols would have said pag nasasabi mo na ang lahat ng nasabi, ang pinaka importante pa din ay ang hindi nasasabi.

we left the campus kinda sad but happy still. a lot have indeed changed but vestiges of the home we once knew remained. what matters most anyway are the memories, the laughters, the hurts, all the shouting when things weren't so good and the making up when circumstances were better understood. and most of all, realizing that there is always a home you could come home to, and a friend who could hold your hand till the end.

tnx KF!

admu survey

got this from kai's blog which she got from mcoy's blog ;)
X -- things you've done

( x ) eat at Manang's
( x ) learn the alma mater song
( ) get on the dean's list
( x ) sleep on a bench (floor, on or under a faura lab table, soccer field...)
( ) be a TNT! (was always apathetic eh :p)
( x ) jog around the campus in the evening
( x ) visit the art gallery
( x ) know at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name (si mang manny ng colayco)
( x ) get a Jesuit for a teacher (fr dacanay, fr. gorospe, fr. bulatao)
( x ) itch from higad bites (yeah, had my own share of higad moments too)
(x ) have gotten an F in something (haay, chem...montecastro beybi hmp!)
( ) have taken a crap in school
( x ) watch a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game (yeah, never saw a won game though, ako ata jinx eh)
( x ) give a powerpoint presentation
( ) study in the caf upstairs (di ko naabutan)
( x ) watch a T.A. play (and Entablado and Blue Rep)
( ) sit on the SEC ledge and watch the stars (bago pa lang ang SEC on my last year)
( x ) eat in Full House, Martha's Kitchen, and Ken Afford
( x ) sleep in the lib
( ) visit Mr. San Andres (oh, cutie but di kami close e hehe)
( x ) go to the chapel
( x ) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad
( ) cut class with your block to watch a movie (did cut class for a movie but not with my block)
( x ) sign up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers
( x ) go to CERSA night (the jesuit priests, beni santos, danton remoto)
( ) have tried siomai rice
(x ) learn how to smoke (masarap gawin esp pag nag field malamig at malamok eh)
( x ) fall in love (hahahaha)
( x ) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib
( x ) play cards during your free time (pusoy dos, tong-its)
( x ) dress in business attire (thesis defense, group reports/oral exams)
( x ) learn to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight (lecheng free coffee refills ng mcdo yan!!! )
( ) have gotten side comments from ASSOC
( ) take (and enjoy) Saturday classes (never had saturday classes woo-hoo!!)
( x ) go to your immersion (bakasyon yun! balayan, batangas :D)
( x ) eat Food for Thought sandwiches (miss it too)
( x) get a boyfriend (just one, good grrr eh)
( x ) take time to read the vandalism in the CR doors
( x ) watch `Minsan Lang Sila Bata` for class (and wept)
( x ) do a last minute paper (am a talented crammer after all)
( ) have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures
( ) get exempted from final exams (don't remember haha!)
( x ) attend a college mass
(x ) promise to quit smoking (always! i managed though)
( ) play hide-and-seek in the mini-forest
( x ) know where the best restrooms are on campus (sa lhs overlooking kse ng marikina!)
( x ) join an org (make that orgs)
( x ) allow yourself to make mistakes
( x ) take summer classes (once lang GD with ms. lolarga, the lion queen haha)
( x ) admire the sacred heart statue in the evening
( x ) make a video for a project
( x ) have a crush on a teacher (thirdy forever!)
( x ) attend a Jesuit retreat (8-day silent retreat at mirador hill, baguio. )
( ) have gotten a parking ticket
( x ) come to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes
( ) learn how to use the Bayantel pay phones
( x ) participate in school activities
( ) catch the Blue Babble Battalion tryouts
( x ) date an Atenean
( x ) ride a tricycle on campus (pag tinatamad. otherwise, i love to walk)
( x ) find a tambayan (likod ng faura, field, GR colayco)
( x ) admire the marikina valley at night
( x ) go drinking along Katipunan (till now!)
( ) learn how to beg for a higher grade
( ) use your cuts wisely (didn't really care!)
( ) volunteer to be class beadle
( x) had the worst lottery schedule for reg (lagi namna eh! kaya i had the most interesting PE classes: swimming, fencing, weight training hehe)
( x ) admire the trees on campus
( ) have forgotten about your freecut and gone to that class (forget a freecut? are you kidding?!)
( x ) eat in the ISO canteen (till now)
( x ) be active in your org
( ) have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy u like signed up for it
( ) get as many app forms as you can during the job fair
( x ) learn how to cram
( ) sell tickets (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere
( ) save money to Xerox all of your seatmate's notes
( x) have accidentally seen a make-out session (who could ever forget the ASG couple??!!)
( x ) check out the Meron Lagoon and Lambingan Bridge (hahaha)
( ) have dozed off in class in Bel right after a class in CTC/SOM/Comm. Bldg or vice versa (dozed off in class, yes)
( x ) learn how to work with groupmates from hell
( ) perfect the art of parking on campus
( x) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus (ssshhh!)
( ) develop a love for sisig (don't eat sisig)
( x ) learn how to pronounce `AEGIS` properly
( ) have used typing rooms at the library
( x ) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function
( ) have asked the library for an endorsement to research in other libraries
( x ) have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella (make that umbrellas)
( ) have used consultation hours properly
( x ) Looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn't break any equipment
( x ) visit the Guidance Office (nagpapalamig basically)
( x ) and Infirmary (free paracetamol nga naman; nagpapalamig din)
( ) peed on the konyo bench
( x ) watched the sunset from the gate 2/3 field
( x ) spent night at gate 2/3 field (nagpuslit pa ng alcohol hehehe)
( x ) took the Barangka steps at least once
( x) hung out at the Doghouse and actually felt superior to everyone (late night na yun hahaha)
( ) drank the water from the rizal-era pipes
( x ) referred to classes between 1:30 and 3:30 as "siesta time"
( x ) played in the rain, with your friends (and ate aratiles too)

waah, i miss the good old days!!!

I've been TAGGED!!

oh, i've been tagged by mars so here's my own set of 5 crazy things about me. five lang talaga??tsk tsk...

1. whenever i eat or drink i always leave some 'for the devil' whether it's coffee, juice, food even water. hmmm... i dunno why really.

2. i become more peaceful and calm when i'm listening to hard rock, loud music. i guess it just brings out all the pent up emotions in me and i'd be comforted by the vocalist who sing his lungs out. "they keep calling me, keep on calling me!!!!"

3. i used to be able to stay up and study well after a bottle of beer. one bottle can liven me up, two-four is ok...and id be up rather early than usual once i've had a few drinks.

4. i used to own a red wardrobe. i had red shirts, red shorts even red jeans. now am so much into purple...purple undies are really sexy. ;;)

5. i love Before Sunset so much i watched it alone at the movies. and i'd still watch it over and over again now. and i've even downloaded the script and memorised some of the lines. "Life's hard. It's supposed to be. If we didn't suffer, we'd never learn anything."

haay, 5 lang talaga....

newei, i'm tagging:

1. rashiko..kse makulit sya and am sure he'd want to do this ;)

2. mommy peeya...because i know she's weird and i'd like to learn more weird things about her.

3. my bestfriend sugar, she's kinda conventional. i'd like her to admit to something weird har-har!

4. my sister guia, i wanna be surprised!

5. Mang Max! kse i wanna know more about him.

other people who wanna get tagged can join in too ;) it's a freakin free country!!!

Who I am...5 years ago.

our college annual came out a tad bit delayed. was told that a lot of pictures and files we're lost and am glad mine was intact. but it kinda feels different reading my write up again. a good old friend wrote this for me. i guess that he's the only one who actually knew me inside out...it's been like a lot of years since i saw him last and am just glad i found him again now. newei, here's what he wrote then...nah am not posting my college pic :p

AN ENIGMA? Too exaggerated. MYSTERIOUS? Too cliché. How do you capture such an elusive person as she is down on paper? Lang, as she is fondly called, leads an alternative lifestyle. Neither one of asceticism nor single-blessedness, nor any of that sort. Lang is a vibrant mix of interest and characteristic that make up the kaleidoscope that she is.
Form head to toe, she is a fashion statement on her own. Ethnic designs to solid pastel colors grace her petite frame. Her height is surely not a hindrance for her to have a noticeable figure, a product of the regular laps in the pool during afternoons. She is Sleeping Beauty come to life, for she uses her free time in school to go back to the boarding house to dream of who knows what! Songs by Radiohead, Smashing Pumpkins, and Tori Amos find their way into her Top Ten lists for the music scene.
This preference for rock and alternative music is a far cry from the silent and lethargic disposition she usually carries. A disposition that is sometimes mistaken as snobbish cynicism is actually a reflection of deep thought and contemplation. If she is not hanging out in or around the premises of the Gabay room, you can find her sitting( but most of the time lying) in the solitude of the green blanket of the football field, admiring the ever-changing beauty of sunset or the glistening displays of the stars in the night sky. It is here where most of her reflections on people and life play with the dancing hues of the setting sun or the sparkles of the stars beyond. And if you have any luck, they all get to play with yours. Nevertheless, she is always sucker for attention and pampering from those close to her. Finally, to a valued few, she will always be the bunso that she is. KF

so do you think this is still me now???

falling...

"And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

yeah, i've watched the holiday twice this week. so sue me! but then again who can stop me from enjoying this film. after all it has given me a lot of hope and inspiration that my life will smell of sweet roses once again. or if not for me then at least for the people around me who hasn't loved or felt being loved much. i actually don't mind dragging more people to watch it with me. misery loves company, so does enlightenment or even pure enjoyment. corny yeah, but i do need corny sometimes. :D

and then there's jude law. who would not want to watch him. i know he's the sexiest man alive twice over but i've never really cared to notice him. i don't quite like his all too boyish and sunny appeal. but here it's different though. i love hearing and watching him talk. his lips and his lisp is but adorable. hell yeah, am smitten. and yeah, it would be entirely hard for me to find someone new with jude (close kami eh!) as some benchmark. but who cares. this girl can dream, ayt!

What Color is Your Aura?

Your Aura is Violet

Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world. And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don't always use it! The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach

What Color Is Your Aura?

So What Are You?

You Are An INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

**This is the exact result i had when i took this same test like 10 years ago...

a violent whisper

i am currently loving this now, 747 by Kent. i didn't know it came out way back 1999 hehe...tnx to my pexfriend who led me to a multiply friend for the download. ;) am kinda looking for the Swedish version though. ;)

747
Kent
Singingfool.com

changes...

yeah, i've changed the appearance of my blog. this is not yet final, i actually want something more sinister, more mysterious. just that i don't know how to change the backgrounds other than the templates available in blogger. hmmm, i'll keep searchin and studying.

care to give me any ideas? tnx!!

can't take my eyes off you...

i must be having my own post valentine blues...
i was about to sleep last night when i heard blower's daughter by damien rice playing on the radio. i stood up, turned up the volume and just listened to it in the darkness. some songs just do that to me. i sit transfixed as i drink up the melodies and the lyrics.
i've watched closer where this movie came from and i could still recall alice's (natalie portman) mystique smile. but then again, i get vivid images of some young man spurned.




ahh, such a haunting song about unrequitted love....

but then again the girl said:

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

so maybe there's still hope huh???

(oh, indulge me please!!!:D )

wanting to write again

i used to write a lot. and i mean a lot. i've some poems and verses and short stories and anecdotes hell even slogans buried somewhere. but that was a decade ago. i stopped just after having attended my first national writing workshop.

well, twas a great experience, met a lot of co-old souls in there. just could not forget that b*tch who told me i should not write anymore. argh! i could not exactly remember what it was she was ranting about. we we're discussing a poem of mine then and i guess she did not like my answer to her grilling so she just retorted with a resounding "then you shouldn't write at all!" i've never been mortified in my life. my fellows were as shocked too.

oh well, that was my first and last workshop. and though i've written a few scratches here and there i've never dreamed of being published anymore. i guess my muse just left me since then. i hope she's happy where she is now.

oh, i just felt nostalgic right after having seen music and lyrics. tis a very heartwarming love story but more than anything else it just reminded me of those times when i was always inspired and words and thoughts would just come flowing in and before i knew it i've created something lyrical already.



back to the movie though. had so much fun watching hugh grant in all his sexy glory shaking his booty! yeah, he's kinda getting old but sexy just the same. ;)

and drew barrymore, minus a few pounds here is always a sweetheart. :D

it's totally a feel good movie with all the happy elements of goodlooking people falling for each other amidst the inspiration of music and err lyrics or beautiful verses. and though there were lil conflicts they still ended up kissing and almost making out during a stage performance, how cool can that get. *okay*

ironically though if there's anything i've learned from it, must be that "life is not a fairy tale, deal with it!" yeah, really realistic words for someone like me who still believes in happy endings and that someday i could have my muse back and be inspired again and could live happily ever after.

*sigh*

currently replaying...

kinda craving for great expectations once again but i didn't have my cd with me, darn. thank god for you tube though. was able to find some clips which kinda fed my longing. yeah, i've watched this movie for the nth time and i just love it everytime the scenes are played over and over again as if i'm seeing it for the first time. and boy, i've even memorized some lines hehe...



the soundtrack is good too. ethan hawke, my all time hunk acts, though i don't really like gwyneth, she's but gorgeous in here, i love the story, robert de niro, the late great ms. anne bancroft, the production, the location, the support cast, everything, and notice that all their clothes are in different shades of green. ;)

sigh...

any movie you'd also love watching over and over again?

walk this earth alone
lauren christie
You're in the doors that keep revolving
The sirens that keep screaming
You're in the flashing of the headlights
The things that I'm believing

You're in the water that I'm drinking
the sound of 911
The walls that protect me
From the damage that you've done
In this world you are with me

But I walk this earth alone
But all I've eve known
Is you are right beside me
If I love you for a day
You'll blow my life away
Could I leave you behind me

You're in the crashing of the windows
The angels 'round the ceiling
You're in the fire in my belly
The fucked up way I'm feeling

You're in the warning on the label
The pills that dissapear
The whines as I'm talking
The words you'll never hear
In this world you are with me

But I walk this earth alone
But all I've eve known
Is you are right beside me
If I love you for a day
You'll blow my life away
Could I leave you behind me

Could I leave you behind me...

happiness

...is seeing my Xan enjoying himself this much. *love*

Love Rage

i went to the UP fair last night with some of my pex friends and my officemates. it's been a while since I've been there and i remember having enjoyed my visits in the previous years.

well, first of all my RANTS:

* the stalls we're not as interesting as before. there were mostly food stalls and tiangge which sells shirts as expensive as P200 tsk tsk.

*there was no manghuhula. we would have wanted to have our palms read. or at least someone who was into tarot cards, runes, bolang kristal, whatever. tsk tsk...

* there was no booze!! i used to enjoy the 10 peso mixed drinks they had, or at least the P20 beer in can and enjoy the party really hard. but then again maybe twas just for our safety. ;)

* i didn't know most of the bands. i got bored and sleepy in between the sets of those more known bands. darn i feel so ancient.

* we were made to exit the opposite way where the grass was wet and there even were puddles and quite a big canal to jump over. duh!

well, newei here's my RAVES:

*twas really glad that I finally got to see Up Dharma Down perform live. I've their cd back home which i would play over and over again. armie, the vocalist, really has a very powerful voice. And yeah, i was able to record the two songs they performed on my cell phone. ;)

*there was a lot of shawarma food stalls and i kinda missed that food hehehe...

* i was able to buy this cellphone ornament which is reminiscent of my niece's baby nucti which she bought all the way from NY but got lost when she got here in Manila. i'm not so sure if she'll like this but i can use this for now.









* tuesday vargas rocks!!!!yeah, she's a good enough singer pala. raspy voice huh, and i love her quips:

first she asked the crowd:

nasaan ang mga virgins? taas kamay ang mga virgins!!"
(audience raises hands)
tuesday: PAK YU!!!!! (lol)

then she said:

para sa mga nagmamahalan, mga boy and girl, M to M, G to G, bi-curious to bi- curious, sa inyong lahat

mga PAKSHET KAYO!!!

hahahah can't really help but laugh!!

then after singin her last song, she invited everyone to their website and for everyone to buy their album too (so sorry, i forgot the name of their bad, my bad!)

" bumili po kayo ng album namin sa mga inde pa nakakabili. pwede rin download. kung wala kayong pera eh di PIRATED!!!"

loka-lokang babae!! haay, she really woke me up hehehe....

*and of course there was 6cyclemind who's rendition of prinsesa was really great. raymond marasigan of sandwich was good too. and bamboo band of course. but then yeah, it's still tuesday vargas for me *okay*

oh well, we left shortly after bamboo played and went straight to cantina for some booze. that was about 2am. we downed about a couple of bottles each while we talked about love and sex and short time and fubu and about not going to church every sunday. hahaha i've such great company. we left around 4am kse may prayer meeting pa daw the following day ang kasama ko. lol.

had such a great time. tnx a lot to my beloved UGAT family. :D

ikaw, baka naman you were there too pala???

happy singles' day!!

yeah, this day is not just for lovers huh! let's just all celebrate love whoever we are with. ;)

and today is my Xan's 13th month birthday too and he'll be more than happy to celebrate it with his best buddy jollibee hahaha!

a weekend with tori

turned out i had to stay home again for the weekend. i've a "lakad" (for lack of a better term) which was once again rescheduled. but what the heck, am a resilient kiddo after all. no need to sulk in one corner huh! (yeah right)

i took the time to surf and surf and i realized am missing tori once more. my love for tori go back a long long time ago when a friend of mine introduced me to her pretty good year song so i bought the under the pink album. and i fell in love instantly i started buying her next ones and even backtracked on the previously released albums. i even had a lot of print outs of her pics and lyrics and life story, everything about her which i could get my hands on.



i also asked some friends abroad to get me singles of her which i couldn't fine here. yeah, i've met some rare friends too all because we worship the same goddess.

when neil gaiman came to the country and had schedules for a book signing i and my good friend JB took the time off to line up just for the autographs. never mind if we had to line up for a freakin 6 hours. and of course, i let him sign my Death and The High Cost of Living comic book only because, well of course, tori wrote the introduction ehe! and yeah, all i said to him was "pls, next time bring tori here with you!" hehehe i felt so ashamed of myself much later having realized what i just did! anyway you can review the full story here.



well anyway, i found myself itching for mp3s of here as most of my files are in my computer back home. i was fortunate enough to have found the site www.hereinmyhead.com where i could download almost all the tori hits i could find. yi-ha! so if you view my multiply account you can hear my goddess lulling you to a fantastic consciousness you never knew existed.

as if i was not ecstatic enough i woke up this early morning with a text message from my sister saying that she has finally found me the Tales of a Librarian double cd which i've been wanting for so long.

haaay, this is the layp!

sunday delight

after visiting Gesu (turned out there's no mass for today) i walked all the way to gate 2 bent on getting myself a chicken joy. hell, nothin beats some familar food sometimes. as i walked up the overpass though i saw the red big sign which reminded me of some mouth watering buttery creamy mashed potatoes so i didn't hesitate and went to red ribbon instead. jollibee can always wait.

such a great Sunday just the same. ;)

bloggin love

i've never really known what real love is all about. yeah, i'm the kind of person who loves to be in love all the time. but it's merely just the notion of being thought of and being able to think of someone in a different light. the kind of love that makes you giddy with excitement just with the thought of seeing the person.

in school we were even introduced to scott peck who gave us his own definition of love being not just a feeling but a decision. that love becomes love when you decide to stay with the person even when the sparks have gone out and the excitement has died.

i'm afraid though that i never got into experiencing that kind of love. or i chose not to love that way anyway. love has not been so good to me. i only ended up hurting and hating.

but then when i had my son i knew what love is all about. it's the kind of feeling that brings tears in your eyes just looking at that helpless newborn longing for your touch. it dispells all that notion of love being difficult and hurting and even cruel. it's like falling in love at first sight. falling in love all over again. falling in love all day everyday.



forgive me, but yeah. am back to being in love once again. so great that you'd see the sparkles in my eyes just like that.

oh, look!!!

(photo courtesy of www.pinkisthenewblog.com)


while at it, i'd like to copy this one from my email:

Hotline Opens to Counsel Heartbroken Potter Fans
Lifestyle
A British book retailer plans to set up a counseling hotline for all heartbroken fans of Harry Potter, who is going to die in the much awaited next book.

The seventh and final book of J. K. Rowling includes the death of the popular character.

It is already topping the charts at Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com, and a deluxe edition of the book is second despite a hefty pricetag.

counseling, my foot!! o sya, then lemme just offer the services of my very own home then for your psychoemotional needs. we do specialize in crisis counseling anyway. har-har!

the weekend that was

i kinda had a good enough weekend...quite interesting but not that great. newei, here's a few recap.:

1. had the luxury of waking up late...yeah, sleep is such a heavenly thing for me to do. i love to sleep! and since i've "lived" here in the office i could not sleep till late anymore. so this weekend i took my time and woke up like past 12 heheh...

2. i later went to the salon and had my toe nails done. had it painted red. landi!!!!


3. later that afternoon i got to meet some new friends from pex singles' couch. met up with miss vb, my nick relative and had coffee at bo's. we had quite a chitchat as we waited for santo and naru to arrive. i have been reading this cutesy story at pex titled welcome to my life and is so touched by it that i brought them to meat shop, were one of the scenes actually took place. however, my images of it were shattered because, they have just transferred to a different location. and though it was but near, the service seemed to have gone back to a dry run. we waited for almost an hour for our food. we were hungry and we had to wait a long time even if we only asked for additional bowls or spoons. drat! our friend santo felt compensated for their incompetence though by taking home a bowl and a tissue holder. :p

4. that night, i was able to track down a long lost friend via friendster. i met gen like 9 years ago during a national writers workshop held in iligan. she hails from antique.we had crazy times. i remember vividly, us young girls then, lounging at the hotel rooftop singing along with tori amos, lost in the melodies and drift of her songs. gen considers us all as "old souls" don't exactly know what it means but i sense something really meaningful and beautiful about it. i'm set to meet her for coffee soon. yey!

5. i went to mass that sunday morning, my first in ages. i still felt peaceful and reflective in there. i've seen a few college friends and boy how i envied those who were with their families. i've always loved the sight of young ladies hugging their dads and every child kissing their parents while wishing them "peace". never fails to melt my heart.


6. after mass i went out of the campus to eat and later sought a net cafe where i hope to see Xan on webcam. unfortunately Xan was asleep, and they had trouble back home connecting to ym. darn it again.

7. i felt really frustrated i wanna kick myself hard. you see, i was hoping i'd get to go out with a friend that sunday. we were supposed to watch a movie. the prospect of being able to go out and see him again actually excited me. however, i didn't hear from him. no text, no nothing. i remembered praying hard that saturday night for just one text message. i don't care if it wasn't pushing through. i just wanted to know instead of waiting for forever. i just hate it so much when i expect. kaya nga i would always remind myself, as said in The Joy Luck Club, "never expect, only hope!". sometimes i wish i could not be that bratty anymore. twas glad though that i still have some ym friends. friends who quizzed me about it only to laugh at me and later comfort me. some friends huh! couldn't really blame them. i found it laughable too. oh well, the "date" never took place. and i might reprimand him about it the next day, or not. i dunno.

8. because of some much ill feelings, i opted to order food at mcdonald's and ended up bingeing on a big mac, large fries and strawberry float. yum!

oh well, i'll pray once more tonight that i'll have a more peaceful disposition for the week to come.

so how was your week?

oh what a hottie!!!

i gawked and gasped and drooled! never mind if he's still but a kid. but my oh my, he's the oh-so innocent looking daniel radcliff no more!


















here's more:







sigh. i'm never gonna watch Harry Potter the same way again....*blush*

reconnecting

i went out again last night to the delight of my officemates here who were kinda worried that i seem to have been hiding for long. it's just that since i've been staying here in the office i've been of course on duty for like errr 24/7. no wonder our computer terminals have been overheating as i chose to reconnect on the net rather than in the flesh...

well, last night i opted to meet with fellow moms whom i've met on the net (but of course) and was truly glad to have found people like them. yeah, cyberspace does not just supply you with a handful of suitor wannabes but friends as well.



the mommies went on with the usual yakkity yak we are so known for. what is it with moms anyway that could make us continuously babble about our kids and anything else for that matter? even if we've only met each other for the first or a second time we seem to have been brought together by a special bond.

after a great dinner at the recipes ,hmmm great food by the way, some of the mommies went home ahead while a few of us stayed a bit for some mamam fun yi-ha.

really had a blast and i sure would want to see each one of them again. ;)

at first sight

i realized i'm not a nicholas sparks fan anymore. i find this book a letdown, can't say major letdown..slight lang hehe...

though i loved a walk to remember and the notebook so much i remembered i stopped buying his books after having predicted the ending of a bend in the road even midway to its story.

maybe i imagined it to be much of a hardcore love story or a suspense love thriller, if there is such. i found the first few chapters to be too mundane, too ordinary. i mean, most couples are actually going through what was described and i learned nothing new there (or maybe because i just Pex a lot :D ) and those suspicious emails were just sort of a lousy distraction and was never resolved anyway.

the ending may not have been predictable but it was a major disappointment. sigh. i'll still might read his books if my sister still buys them (paging!) but i don't think i'd buy them again for myself. bleh!

how about you, have you read it and actually like it??

missing Xan

i'm home on a friday night. nowhere to go. not really wanting to go out with anyone anyway. pathetic but true. i'm currently reading a book but my thoughts are wandering somewhere else. how i wish am home and not here sulking and mulling over what and who's not here.

as i was thinking about this blog i stumbled upon a thread in Pex which inspired me to expound on this. special thanks to ms. violetbabe, nick relative. :D newei, here's my own list:

-i miss waking up till noon, kissing my dear Xan, and getting up for coffee just the same.

- i miss watching Game Ka na Ba with Xan and trying hard to get the million peso question.

-i miss sleeping again and or chatting with my sis as Xan make cutesy faces on our webcam.

- i miss lining up with my nieces and nephews for our 1 hour each allowance use at the computer.

-i miss running after Xan everytime he darts to the stairs and would even retort back when i would try to stop him.

-i miss watching GMA telebabad with my family. here, it really doesn't make sense watching Bakekang or Jumong alone.

-i miss my mama's cooking. even the sight of her favorite paksiw na isda which i don't eat at all.

-i miss our pet cats Ginger and Ponkie which my mama no longer allows entry to the house since they got skin diseases.

-i miss waking up to the background sound of Eudemons whenever my nephew would sneak in to the pc and play till the wee hours of the morning.

- i miss Xan's toothy smile as he sees me holding his toothbrush. he just loves brushing his teeth even if he gets tickled when the bristles brush his gums.

-i miss chatting with my nieces as they recount their anecdotes for the day.

-i miss teaching Xan to say "Mai-mai" even he says back Ma-pa or babababa....

-i miss scouring the ukays at the market with my sis and my nieces.

-i miss taking Xan to jollibee and hearing him say "mmmmmm" whenever i feed spaghetti.

i could go on and on but waaaahhhh i just really miss Xan and everyone home!!!!!!

stalking daughtry

well, oh well...what can i do, i love his clear, raspy voice. and i don't care if he didn't won AI last year, he's won me over.

i found this vid with him singing one of my fave songs Plush by Stone Temple Pilots. which i could follow him everywhere. yeyeye!

still hooking up?

these past few months i've been hearing one sob story after another over failed relationships. what's more heartbreaking is that these relationships actually lasted for more than 5 years. i dunno, maybe speed dating and whirlwind romances could just be the thing now???

here's some of their stories:

-friend no. 1 and her bf are supposed to get married last december. they have been together for 9 years. however the guy met someone else and asked the gf for a cool off. what's a cool off anyway? tipong pagod na ako pahinga muna tayo at try sa iba? well, the gf tried hard to make it work just the same. even begged her bf to stay, nevermind if the guy sees both of them still. duh! but the guy was keen on staying away and chased after this other girl. oh well, the marriage date was of course cancelled.

-friend no. 2 was with her bf for 7 years before getting married. they we're together for 4 years till one day they fought really hard and he almost strangled her to death. although they' ve fought occasionally he was never violent till that time. she feared for her life that she ran away and left him. she vows to never go back to him and even filed a police report on the incident. a tro was subsequently issued to the guy.

-friend no. 3 is with his gf for 6 years. they even lived together for while till his gf left for another country last year. early december she confessed she met someone new. the bf of course was devastated but what can he do? now he has to face the daunting task of disposing the ref, tv, and other furnitures they own as a couple. drat!

i'd like to believe that maybe it's just a phase they are going to. that maybe somehow they will still be able to patch things up. but i can't help but surmise that maybe it's just how things are sometimes. my sister is telling me that Satan may actually be working double time to wreak havoc on relationships. oh well...

talking about these situations however have been greatly helping me look away from my own situation.it has helped me keep afloat in this sea of brokenness. we even tried to look for really happy relationships around us and could sadly pinpoint but a few. really sad indeed.

the question now is whether to believe in the power of love just the same or remain cynical and wary about it. although i admit about feeling giddy and excited about the prospect of going out and maybe finding someone new i still am doubtful that any of these could really lead to something good. ayayay...

how about you, would you still choose to hook up just the same???

10 years of what???

i was at ym with a long lost college friend yesterday and it both occured to us that it's actually been 10 years ago since we graduated from college (yeah, am that old!) we excitedly talked about a grand reunion, at least for us orgmates as there's no news yet for a university-wide one.

deep inside though i felt this pang of shame telling her that i'm still inside the walls of our school. hell yeah, am at my comfort zone and i'm finding it really hard to get out. the same way that i prefer to cling to my family more than ever.

as i was walking out from our office later that day i sort of became depressed thinking what i've done and what i've accomplished for the past 10 years. it may seem ironic that though most of my high school friends consider how much of a success i am i still am a nobody when compared to my college mates. but what's a "nobody" anyway? i think of what i have and all i can boast of are the photos i've collected through the years, the number of books mostly novels and self helps i got from book sales and some from specialty shops, and some mileage accumulated from all my travels. darn, what's to count anyway. my bank account's not much to speak of. i've a lot of credit card bills though. waaaahh! i feel so poor!

come to think of it, my job has led me to a lot "good" people who claim that i have touched their lives and have given them enough inspiration. maybe i'll just have to bank on that for now. yeah right!

back to reality

sigh. am back here in manila again. back to living in my suitcase and some other stuffs in boxes as i still "squat" here in our office.

the flight went on pretty smoothly though i barely had enough sleep since my Xan was in his usual aswang mode and preferred to stay up till almost 5am that day.


i even had to wake him up around 8am before i left. my so obedient Xan stirred, sat up and gave me his sweetest smile. never mind if i roused him from deep sleep. i am truly blessed.

great thing i had a good book with me, mitch albom's for one more day which was really a good companion.

oh darn, my things here in the office are still messed up and i still feel like sleeping some more and my body still aches from all that wave wrestling we had.

but this is only the start of my new year here at work. just have to give myself some more "me" time and "work" time and just keep myself busy and amused.

before i knew it, i'll be riding that plane again to take me back home into my Xan's arms. bliss!;)

Baby no more

my son just turned one last sunday. i've a baby no more. it seemed like days ago when i learned i have him and walked around with a bulging tummy. how time really whizzes by.

it seemed like yesterday when i would be up till late when he cries and coos till i nurse him to sleep. now all he does is run around and swings his toys like crazy till his eyelids droop.

sooner or later this baby will be charging out the door and into the streets.

i miss my baby.

last year...

(To celebrate my Xan's bday today, I'm reposting this entry which i posted to our Pex forum. Haay, so good to reminisce lang)


I was due feb.1 or late january but it was only jan. 14 around 530am nung nagising ako at parang may nagloosen na buto sa hips ko. then i felt na parang naiihi ako, i was sleepy so i held it down for a while kaso nag trickle na yung water so i slowly got up and went to the bathroom downstairs. dahan2 ako naglakad while controlling the water. i made it through the restroom and peed, ang tagal hehehe...i went back to my room, water was still trickling. i woke my mom up na . medyo nataranta din sya, got up at once and woke my niece up. kami lang kse sa bahay. i was lying on my side sa bed. then my mom told me, baka d pa yan. minsan daw kse a week after pa lalabas. i got her fon tinext ko mga kilala sis ko at friend ko na gustong sumama sa hosp (med tech kse sya) then i timed my contractions. mga 5 mins apart pa lang.i was dictating to my niece what bag to use, what to bring. d ako handa!! i even asked my mom kung klangan na pumunta sa hosp. bat daw sya tinatanong ko. heheh


around 7 nagpatawag na ako taxi. i was wearing pa din my daster na basa na. nahihiya pa ko sa driver kse nabasa seat nya. pagdating sa hosp ni IE na ko and told me 4cm pa lang. ni shave na ko then told me to wait lang. i wasn't adviced to walk or move around. ask ko lang kung ok lang nman mag text heheh... i texted everyone. my bro texted back to say "good luck". i was wheeled to my room to wait. i was told na pag medyo nai-ebs ako at masarap na umire then it's time na.

Yun, masakit na, masarap umire. para kang nai-ebs nga. i called na the nurse. i was wheeled back to the delivery room. tapos sabi 8cm na ako. dpat 9cm pa. My feet we're up on the stirrups. the nurse and the doc were in front of me nag chichikahan.i would whimper during contractions pero d ako sumisigaw, shy ako eh heheh...my bestfriend was there with me holding my hand. sobrang sakit na i got my legs from the stirrups and laid on my side, grabe ang sakit, i vomited. yes, i pooped din. sabi ng doc it's ok to poop kse kasunod daw bebi na lumabas. about an hour later 8cm pa din. liit na tummy ko and yet ang taas pa ni bebi. my doc suggested for me na mag CS. bulong ko sa frend ko sana normal din lang ang bayad heheh...tapos i asked pa my mom sa labas kung ok lang cs ako ayoko kse talaga. then nag decide na ko. i was rushing the doc na kse sobrang sakit. kaso someone else was scheduled na sa operating room so they have to refix it para mauna ako. I was wheeled there i was on my knees, pina pa straighten ako ng doc for the anesthesia ayoko gumalaw, pinilit nya ako, sinakyan para madrecho then inserted somthing sa back ko. then i felt numb na. then nag panic ako kse i couldn't breath, gusto ko sumigaw walang sound. i prayed na lang na mag pass out ako. yun, i woke up tapos na daw. i couldn't move. i slept for hours and hours. yun... then my doc told me na buti namadali kse nag cord coil pala bebi ko at nakatingala sya, his chin was up kaya nakaharang d sya makalabas agad. ang tagal daw makaiyak kse stressed na sa loob, and boy he's big at 7.18lbs! heheh...now i've my 4 month old bebi Xan.

prepping up for another celebration

the past months have really been crazy for our household most particularly our kitchen. we've been planning and preparing one party after another since most of our birthdays fall along with the holidays too. and now that my son is being added to the list too we are now busy preparing as well for his first birthday.

really great as we've been really excited celebrating his big day that we've celebrated mini birthdays every month as a sort of practice and countdown. we can't wait!!!

my greatest gift

the little boy in my manger.

blocked from view

after all the fireworks and the revelries taking place last holidays my birthday which is coming up in a few days may all be just a pfft. who cares for another celebration anyway when it's already the time to lose all the fats we've had and recover the sleep lost for all that partying. o well..

and guess what, my son's birthday is coming up soon too and i go on with the hassles of giving him a big anough bash trampling on my own birthdate along the process. ayay!

but what's a birthday anyway? it's just adding another year, counting more passed days, going through collected photos and events, welcoming more wrinkles and all that comes along with aging. who cares if am gonna be 31 soon.

yeah, 31!!! it's ok, my son's turning one too. at least it would be so much easier to compute our age gap heheh...

Baked Pork Ribs for New Year

since my bro brought tons of seafoods from Zamboanga for our media noche, i opted to prepare meat as my share. i tried googling for several pork roast and rib recipes and got several ideas from different sites.

Dec. 30, we scoured the supermarket and meatshops for a goodlooking piece of meat and finally settled for a more than a kilo of rib part. when i got home though i forgot at what site i found the recipe that i wanted to follow so i just made out my own. here's what i remembered doing heheh....

ingredients:
pork ribs (uncut)
salt
pepper
all spice powder (mcormick)
calamansi juice
beer

sauce:
200 g. tomato sauce
1/2 cup brown sugar
catsup

procedures:
1. rub meat with salt, pepper and all spice powder.
2. add calamansi juice and about 3 cups of beer.
3. marinate for a few hours or up to a day. i let it stand for a day.
4. mix tomato sauce and brown sugar to be used for basting.
4. pre-heat oven up to 220 C.
5. put ribs in a pan along with the stock. bake it for 1 hour and 30 mins. baste it with tomato sauce and brown sugar every 30 minutes.
6. Turn the meat over and let it bake for another 30 minutes.
7. remove meat from the pan and mix remaining stock with the remaining tomato sauce and brown sugar mixture and add catsup. let it boil for a while. use this as sauce/ topping for the meat. yummy!

Happy eating!

7 things i wish for 2007

am not so good at keeping resolutions so i'll just list a few wishes for the new year to come.

1. 15,000 miles. i hope to accumulate at least that in my Mabuhay Miles to at least take me to Singapore or wherever. So far I have 12000 plus. Yey!

2. 4 + 1. being the wanderlust that i am i hope i could travel to 4 interesting spots around the country and at least one abroad. don't really care whether it's work related or Pex sabit. waah!


3. 50K. with how much i earn and spend a month i wish to have this modest savings by the end of the year. i wish! i wish!


4. 50% off. i've been maxing my credit cards left and right and the interests i pay every month are just outrageous. i really wish i could just throw them out the window or lock it out for good. sigh.


5. 100 lbs. i really wish to keep my weight down to at least a 100 lbs. am barely 5' it wouldn't look good if i become overweight. that would spell then a regular trip to the gym and not to the kitchen har-har.


6. 100%. someday soon i just want to be a full time mom to my growing bebi Xan. who's really turning into a bebi no more. sniff.

7. The One. hmmm...i don't know how to describe this. i'll just leave it to my Maker. Prays.

Have you any wish too???

christmas in our home

haay, Christmas here is always spent in a flurry. i went out and had to do my last minute shopping bleh! turned out my friends are meeting at zoey's with their kids so ninangs can give their gifts too so i brought Xan and had to buy a gift for an inaanak as well. Xan got really excited with all the confusion at the store hahah! then i met an ex at jobee and we go together to zoey to meet the rest.

wow, for once we had zoey all by ourselves heheh...

well anyway, we finished eating and chitchatting and had to go rush out again for the shopping, finally!

we get home around 7pm and ohhh smelled good there. Mama finished cooking the pata tim and the fruit cake is all laid out. then we set the table around 9pm after wrapping the hurried bought gifts.


we had chicken and pork afritada and roasted chicken and the ham and the leche flan and the mango supreme. oh so yummy!

around 11, we were so sleepy and tired to wait for midnight so we started giving gifts already. Xan was so confused with all the ohhs and ahhs we gave out after receiving the gifts and he shrieked too when he finally got his own.


oh well, i was to sleepy and tired to go out and watch the fireworks i went to our room and slept. heheh...watta kwismas!

the la luz experience

oh yeah, we made it to la luz after all!

twas quite a long drive from ateneo to san juan, batangas. we dropped by candelaria to have lunch at an officemate's house and feasted on a pork dish i forgot what it's called and fried tilapia. hmmm! namnam! as my son would say.

we finally arrived in la luz at around 3pm, lazed on the beach a while and ate our snacks which was part of the 800 meal package. haay sarap!

the place looks really great though twas quite far and there was about 4km of unpaved, dusty road from the main highway. good thing we had a car. it would have been a total nightmare had we commuted. phew!

the beach is not that good though as there were rocky portions and the sand is coarse. we later learned from the locals that it was better way back then before typhoons hit the country. sayang.

i had a lot of rashes though because of the jelly fishes which we could barely see. good thing Xan was spared from it. sometimes it's best to just wade in the sand heheh..

the view is indeed really nice. and the facilities are good. food is so yummy, buffet all the way! so all in all our short stay was well worth it. sana makabalik kami! sama tayo next time ha!



more pics here.

pinched...

i have Xan with me now. in fact he's sleeping soundly on our office foor (on his playmat) as i write this.

for once i was really scared i may not be able to get him back from his dad. i had a dream once where i was supposedly walking Xan in the mall with his dad. Then apparently i lost them and never saw them again. I went to his dad's house but his parents told me he wasn't home yet. how i broke down and cried. i woke up all sweaty and in tears. it's indeed every single mom's nightmare.

i was quite apprehensive in bringing him here from the province. i was pretty sure his dad would want to see and borrow him. somehow i allowed him thinking it's also best for Xan to know his dad.

and i didn't want to be greedy.

i didn't want to create more rift between us, his dad and i.

while i waited for them last night a lot of negative thoughts crossed my mind.

what if they would never come?

what if something bad happened?

what if Xan had an accident and is injured?

and so on and so forth...

a taxi finally pulled up in front of KFC where i waited. i almost jumped when i saw them coming out. then Xan was walking slowly holding on to his dad. mighty sweet indeed. then he smiled when he saw me. and smiled to his dad too. i kissed him at once and told him how much i missed him. he just hugged me back.

then something almost heartbreaking happened.

when i carried Xan, he looked to his dad and wanted to go to him and cried. i hugged him tight and his dad told him to stay with me. we said our quick goodbyes and i immediately rode the trike and asked to be taken home.

on the way home i felt so sorry for my son that i could not give him the ideal life he could have. it would be nice if us, his parents stay together and be close as a family. but i don't think i could ever stay in that kind of relationship anymore.

on the one hand, i was happy they did bond and click in the 2-3 days they were together. at least i'm sure Xan had a great time being with him.

sigh.

just really glad Xan is back with me now.

drool

i am currently lusting over this one:



Havaianas Slim Season Size 35-36.

Anyone who can send me this for free or for a fee will really make my Christmas all merry and gay. ;)

sharing Xan

Xan is currently with his dad for a couple of days now. and though i'm a bit apprehensive, i feel much better sharing Xan and making him know his father better. much as i want my son to have a complete family the best that i could do is let them spend some time together and bond.

i am hoping that with this he will feel much more loved having "other" people aside from my family doting on him.

beachy in december

i know typhoon seniang just ravaged my other paradise which is boracay but i don't think this could stop us from trying out the beach for once. our office is actually planning for a Christmas outing in La Luz Resort, Batangas this weekend. weeeh!! i really hope we could push through.

we have yet to process our budget not to mention our salaries so we could all go. am really excited. and yes, of course, Xan, my little el viajero is coming with us too.
wow, i hope to post real pics here soon. wish us luck! ;)

tainted frailties

i just heard one of the saddest news today. apparently, the adopted daughter of our colleague is six months pregnant...

she's just 16...

and she doesn't know who the father is.


i was too stunned for a while i wasn't able to react at once. then i had goosebumps and i almost felt the tears starting to well up. yeah, motherhood may have softened me up a bit but news like this is just really hard to take. we know it happens everywhere but we still get shocked when it hits right home.

often we ask ourselves what is indeed happening with the world today?

i've been scanning my niece's friendster and there's one other girl actually showing off her bulging tummy. i learned she is but 17 and has stopped school. yet there she is posing proudly as if being a mother at 17 and single at that is the best achievement a girl could ever have. and yeah, her mom was the one who took the pics.

sometimes i feel that maybe we just watch too many movies and look up to whoever looks sparkly out there. it feels scary that our kids actually watch too much of britney spears.


o dear.

really glad i have a son.

gearing up for a purple christmas

here's our present christmas tree and we are all loving it. for a change, we veered away from the usual all too colorful tree with the reds the blues and the yellows and selected just one theme color. and since i bought all the decors i get to choose the color purple. but of course!

and to match, i had my nails painted purple as well. weehhh!

lost and found image

this pc of mine is about 2 or 3 years old already and am really happy that most of my files we're still saved even after having it reformatted. newei, here's one of the few pics i found hidden in my data disc.



this was taken during my last visit in enchanted kingdom way back 2002, i think.