i miss my self. i miss my soul.
i've been in transit for the past two weeks and there's still more destinations coming up. yeah, it's been really exciting and fun and interesting but a part of me is desperately hanging on to what is familiar, to what is constant.
i've been reading just one book for the past days, Haruki Murukami's After Dark. I'd leaf on a page or two on the flight or before i sleep. I've been listening to three albums in rotation too, Portishead's Third, Radiohead's In Rainbows and Up Dharma Down's Bipolar. these are but the few constant things i've been holding on to each day. i'd wake up some morning wondering where i am, what date it is. I'd even wonder for a short while why my alarm would go off each morning and what i'm supposed to be doing that day. I've lost track of dates and places. I've also missed several Survivor episodes already or get updates on the latest news. i feel like i'm just floating, losing myself in the flurry of things.
just recently, i saw some comment on my blog which had an article about an old acquaintance. the article was about some interview of a writer/poet/playright who happens to be a co-fellow of mine in some writers' workshop which i got in ages ago. i bought most of his books and my most favorite then was his Purple Cat...i guess that's how the idea stuck. I could say i'm still very much a purple cat till now.
i thought about him and our group and those days when i was still supposed to be a "writer". we used to tout ourselves as the few ones who were still "old souls", "artists", the eccentric ones. it was a fun group. i realize how i'd never want to lose my soul, myself, in the superficialities of life. i'm finding it hard to keep up with the times, with the latest fads, with what's popular. not that i'm interested in what's uso anyway.
well, i guess in this crazy, fastpaced world such pursuits could indeed become a struggle. but yeah, people like us... we'll have to get by of course.