Monday, December 31, 2007
b. Pila imong edad?
+trentay uno hapit na mag trentay dos
c. Baye o Laki?
d. Pila mo kabuok igsuon?
e. Taga asa man ka?
+ taga iligan
f. Kinsa inyong mayor sa inyong lugar?
+ si Lawrence "Kiko" Cruz hehehe
g. Kinsay capitan sa inyong baryo?
+ titing flores daw
h. Kinsay Presidente ninyo?
+ c gloria nga tga iligan pud
i. Unsay ayo diha sa inyong lugar
+ blues clues tibuok adlaw
j. Kumusta ang panahon?
+ init na pod
1. Kanus-a lang ka nagsugod ug ibog-
+ wa pa ko ga eskwela nagkiat na haha
2. Nakasulay naka ug padoding-doding?
+ wala oi, dili na kailangan :p
3. Kinsa pud imong pirmero nga
+ ah basta sya
4. Unya nagkauyab gyud mo?
+ wala jud tawon sya katilaw nako haha
5. Kinsa pud imong pirmero nga halok?
+ nakalimot na ko daghan to sila hehe
6. Pila imong edad nga pirmero
+ tam is nga disisais
8. Nahigugma gyud ka ato niya?
+ mao pod
9. Kinsa man gyud imong pirmero nga
+ kabalo man tingali siya kinsa sya
10. Nag-inusara ra ka? kanang single ba
ka? O naa kay trato, uyab ba? O minyo
+ klaro kaayo nga pangutana ba, ngano
man interesado ka?
11. Unya malipayon ba sab ka?
+ oo kaayo oi!
12. Asa man sab mo manglaag sa imong
+ bisan asa!
13. Unya mananghid pud ka ug tarong sa
+tagulang na ko oi haha
<14. Unsa pud imong pasumangil?–>
+ maglaag laag lang
15. Kasulay na ka gibunalan sa imong
+ oo, kanang tsinelas pambalay nga
puro foam bwahahaha
16. Unsa may gibunal?kamot, bakus o
+ kamot pod diay ug silhig tukog haha
17. Unya sakit?
+ maygano nindot kug lubot naay
18. Unsa diay imong sala?
+ dili ko matulog kada udto, ambak ko
bintana mao nang cute hehe
19. Tungod sa uyab-uyab no? Kay sige mo
ug dikit-dikit sa imong trato?
+ pataka lang man ka oi!
20. Kumusta naman imong kasing-
+ nindot kaayo kanunany gihapong
21. Nakakat-on pud ka sa imong mga
sauna? Kanang nka-learn ba ka ug lesson
ba. tagam. :)
+ lami man nang sayop sige na lang
Friday, December 28, 2007
Thanks to prech!
- A TO Z
A - Age: 31
- B - Band Listening To Right Now: dishwalla
- C - Career: heroes hunter
- D - Drink or Smoke: a lil bit of both
- E - Easiest Friends To Talk To: my hitadilocks PinoyExchange family
F - First Crush: Steve (grade 5)
- G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: neither
- H - Have a Boyfriend / Girlfriend: hmmm
- I - In love: yesh
- J - Junk Food You Like: red chippy
- K - Kids: one girl, more boys!
- L - Longest Ride Ever: 13/14 hours from Bangkok to some town near the Laos border on a sleeper train
- M - Making love out of nothing at all: not my type
- N - Names For Your Future Kids: Lila Francesca Sophia
- O - One Wish You Have Now: to lose weight again after the holidays hehe
- P - Phobias: enclosures
- Q - Favorite Quote: carpe diem!
- R - Reasons To Smile: Xan, my family, friends, pretty and myself haha!
- S - Sleeping Time: early am, whenever
- T - Time You Woke Up: 10am
- U - Unknown Fact About You: It will remain unknown
V - Vegetable You Hate: Carrots
- W - Worst Habit: i procrastinate
X - X-rays You’ve Had: chest, dental, ultrasounds count?
- Y - Yummy Foods: my mom's cooking, pastas, grilled food
- Z - Zodiac Sign: Capricorn
- 1. Who took your profile picture? - I took it
2. Exactly what are you wearing right now? - blue shorts, pink spag straps
- 3. What is your current problem? - i need a bookshelf for my and Xan's books
- 4. What makes you most happy? - Xan and little surprises life brings
- 5. What's the name of the song your listening to? - Until i Wake Up- dishwalla
Chapter 1: ABOUT YOU ♥
1. NiCKNAME? - Lang
- 2. Eye color? - brown
3. Hair color? - dark brown
4.Height? - 5'
Chapter 2: FAMILY ♥
1. Do you live with your parent(s)? - now while am on vacay, yes
- 2. Do you get along with your parent(s)? - most of the time
3. Are your parents chill? - a bit now that Xan is here, yi-ha!
- 4. Do you have any Siblings? - 1 bro, 2 sis
Chapter 3: FAVORITE ♥
1. Ice Cream? - ube macapuno
- 2. Season? - summer!
- 3. Book? - Eleven Minutes, Paullo Coellho
- 4. Band? - the old rivermaya
- 5. Food? - Pinoy/Italian
- 6. Drink(s) (non alcoholic)? - pineapple juice
- 7. Pen color? - red
- 8. Store? - National Bookstore for the books and dvd sale!
- 9. Person? - you
Chapter 4: DO YOU ♥
1. Write on your hand? i can't on my feet eh :p
- 2. Call people back? - sometimes
3. Believe in love? - yes I still do
4. Sleep on a certain side of the bed? - nope. .
Chapter 5: HAVE YOU♥
1. Kissed someone in the past 48 hours? - Xan, yes
- 2. If so...where? - forehead, cheeks, neck, hair, back, butt hehe
- 3. Had PHYSICAL therapy? - nope
4. Gotten surgery? - 1 major, 1 minor
- 5. Taken painkillers? - yes
- 6. Overdosed on pain killers? - no
7. Been stung by a bee? - no
8. Threw up in a doctors office: - on the operating table, yes
- 9. Do you have a crush on anyone? - nope
- 10. Do they know? -
Chapter 6: WHO/WHAT WAS THE LAST♥
1. Person to text you? - Eeyan
- 2. Thing you touched? - mouse and keyboard
3. Thing you said? - sshhhh...to sleeping Xan who woke up a bit
4. Person you hugged? -Xan
- 5. Person you talked to on the phone? - Tsak
- 6. Last book you read? - currently reading Blood and Gold by Anne Rice
- 7. Last time you cleaned your room? - i have my wards hehe...but i cleaned up the bathroom last night
- 8. Last time you talked to someone you liked? - Christmas day
GOT NO LIFE
If you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are about 170 movies on this list.
(x ) Sukob
( ) Oh my ghost!
( ) White lady
( ) Wag kang lilingon
(x ) Feng shui
( ) KKK (kasal, kasali, kasalo)
(x ) Enteng Kabisote
(x ) Enteng Kabisote 2
( ) Enteng Kabisote 3
( ) Super Noypi
( ) Karma
(x ) Shake, Rattle and Roll
(x ) D Anothers
( ) First Day High
(x) Bring it On 1
(x) Bring it On 2
(x ) Bring it On 3
() Fun With Dick and Jane
( ) Cake
( ) Zathura
(x ) Borat
() Dead or Alive
(x) 8 mile
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal
(x) Legally Blonde
(x) Legally Blonde 2
(x) Charlie's Angels
(x) Charlie's Angels 2
( x) Dude, where's my car?...lame, lame movie hehe
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
(x) Harry Potter
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
(x ) Cinderella Man
( ) The Village
(x) Coyote Ugly
(x) Space Jam
( ) Finding Neverland
( ) Signs
( ) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
() White Chicks
( ) Little Manhattan
(x ) 13 Going on 30
( ) Click
(x )The Devil Wears Prada
(x) Mighty Ducks 1
(x) Mighty Ducks 2
(x) Mighty Ducks 3
( ) Mighty Ducks 4
(x) Deep Impact
( ) King Pin
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
Total : 7
(x) Alice in Wonderland
( x) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( x) Deep Blue Sea
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
(x ) Final Destination
(x ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Ring Zero
( ) Flubber
( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
(x ) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( x) From Hell
( x) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
Total : 5
(x ) The Day After Tomorrow
(x ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) 10 Things I Hate About You
(x ) Just Married
(x ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( x) Sixteen Candles......love this movie!
(x ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
( ) My Super Ex-Girlfriend
( ) Joy Ride
() She's the Man
(x ) Ocean's Eleven
( x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Mean Girls
(x) Step Up
(x) Pearl Harbor
( x) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) Superstar
(x) Happy Feet
(x) Ice Age
(x ) Ice age 2 The Meltdown
(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) Idle Hands
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Children of the Corn
(x ) My Boss' Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
( ) Poseidon
( ) Mars Attacks
(x) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
(x ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x ) The Terminator 3
Total : 15
(x) X-Men 2
(x) X-Men 3
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
( x) Jeepers Creepers
(x ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
( ) The Others
(x) The Eye
( ) Dark Water
(x) Cruel Intentions
(x) Cruel Intentions 2
(x ) Hot Chick
(x ) Shrek 2
Total : 12
( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle
(x) School of Rock
( ) K-Paxx
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
( x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(x) A Walk To Remember
( x) Hollow Man
( x) The 40-year-old-virgin
( ) The Exorcist
(x ) Exorcism of Emily Rose
*thanks to video city and dibidis and youtube and HBO, i got a 108!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
my inaanaks are droppin by later..this pasta dish may not be fit for kids but i don't care, Xan loves it naman eh hahaha!
got this idea from Precious, thanks, Prech!
500 mg spirals
4 cans 555 Bicol Express Tuna (walang century tuna in this variety sa bayan namin haay..)
1 tetra pack all purpose cream
sliced head mushroms
(the flavored tuna has enough seasoning so i didn't add anything else anymore)
* cook pasta as directed.
*in a pan saute garlic and onion.
* let it simmer for a longer time to at least take away the malangsa taste and smell.
*pour in all purpose cream
*top with grated cheese before removing from fire.
*mix sauce with the pasta.
*best served while it's hot, attack! =)
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Copy and paste the first sentence from your first entry of each month this past year. What better way to sum up your year and make a countdown to '08!
January: after all the fireworks and the revelries taking place last holidays my birthday which is coming up in a few days may all be just a pfft. (blocked from view)
February: i've never really known what real love is all about. (bloggin love)
March: i got to go home to iligan for a few days last week...particularly mar. 17 to 21. (swift but sweet)
April: now that's kinda sad...but what is happiness anyway?? (pursuing happiness)
May: pagudpud, ilocos norte---it was a 12 hour long bus ride but what the heck, we only had to sleep naman and i've got my music companion with me so no fuss at all. (goin loco in iloco)
June: Tagbilaran, Bohol--this is my usual kind of trip...bein beachy, yeah! (beachy!)
July: managed to catch a couple of films at the Japanese Film Fest held at the UP Film Institute and was drawn by this movie... (Aoi Haru)
August: i've been meaning to write this for quite sometime...but i've been having such a deluge of things to do and think about that i consider it untimely to just post it yet...and yeah, somehow we need some time, a longer time even to process whatever it is we are feeling... (goodbyes and reunions)
September: funny how the idea of writing this struck while i was talking to him. (breaking free)
October: my sister just sent me a tub of this famous anti-aging cream. (facial issues)
November: not that am an expert...i don't even know exactly what i'd do there. (off to surfland)
December: everything seems to be back to normal at my side of the world. (it's oh so quiet...)
so there...kinda taxing...and it took me quite a while as i couldn't help but reread some entries. and yeah, i cheated a bit by choosing the next entry when the first one seemed off to post hehe...i'm enticing anyone and everyone who wants to do it too!
we had fried chicken as part of the menu last time. i almost went amok knowing there's no del monte catsup on our pantry. yeah, hehe...if it's my bro who buys the grocery he only picks up UFC banana catsup which i don't really like. good thing he went out so i texted him to bring me a bottle of del monte tomato catsup. he said he'd try as most stores were closing down already. i almost panicked with that thinking that i'd have an incomplete christmas noche buena if i can't eat my mom's fried chicken with the favored catsup. LOL. good thing my bro got home and handed me the big red bottle. yi-ha! all is well...=)
woke up past noon this morning and thought of the mini flurries last night. yeah, it was not as exciting as the past years. but i just have to look at Xan's delighted face everytime he picks up his new toys and share his excitement once more.
currently listening to Sarah Mclachlan's Wintersong album as i sip mom's freshly brewed coffee and can't help but feel peaceful. am almost feeling blissful today.
thank you, thank you to everyone who made and is making my life great each time. from the littlest act of giving me a bottle of my favorite catsup to the magnanimous gestures of love and patience and understanding.
i sit back and revel at the beauty of being blessed. no, i don't want to complain anymore of what is not there. i'd rather focus on what i have and i realize that this should be enough to keep me warm for all time.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
i know i've been quite down in the dumps lately for all those unwelcomed moments of brooding and thinking about what's in store for me or what's life supposed to be. then comes this opportunity to watch something if only to while away the time, be updated with what's new and what's in. but surprises of all surprises you hear its opening lyrics and get caught, be immersed and feel as if the cast is talking directly to you.
yes, i feel that there's not just a coincidence but some cosmic force out there that led me into the theater to watch this show.
Avenue Q is a Tony Award-winning musical that is largely inspired by Sesame Street with characters composed mostly of puppets.
it opens up with a fresh grad, Princeton who is in search of an apartment in New York. in Avenue Q he meets his would be neighbors comprised mostly of odd characters. they would be heard singing It Sucks to be Me which is more like an assortment of complaints about their lives.
and don't we hear that all the time? not just here as we blog or as we talk to friends around us? we tend to mope and tell people that hey, my life sucks and your life is way better than mine haha!
their easy banter tells us that "i can relate to that too!"
what more when Princeton sings his piece about finding his Purpose in life.
IT'S THAT LITTLE FLAME
THAT LIGHTS A FIRE
UNDER YOUR ASS.
IT KEEPS YOU GOING STRONG
LIKE A CAR WITH A FULL
TANK OF GAS.
EVERYONE ELSE HAS
SO WHAT'S MINE?
the very same questions i've been asking about my life, argh!
i sit in anticipation not just in watching how the story of the characters unfold but in the hope of getting the answers to Princeton's questions.
but of course a love story has to be imparted making it more heartwarming. Princeton happens to fall for the kindergarten teacher named Kate Monster who he goes out on a date with for the first time, they get drunk and wasted with long island iced teas and the next thing you know is find two puppets naked and humping and thrashing and moaning as the rest of the cast around them sings:
You can be as loud as
The hell you want
When you're making love!
You hear what?
Hell no, I won't tell them to quiet down!
Are we being too loud?
Yeah are we bothering someone?
Oh, no, not at all, kids!
You keep doing what you're doing.
Bad Idea Bears:
holy sweet bejesus indeed haha!
another set of characters include Nicky and his rumored closet gay roomate, Rod (parodies of the Ernie and Bert tandem). while attending their neighbors' Brian and Christmas Eve's wedding, guests confront them of the issue which Rod vehemently denies to which Nicky assures him that "it's okay to be gay" but Rod insists he is not and instead makes up the story about his supposedly girlfriend in Canada. in contempt, Rod throws Nicky off the apartment leaving him out cold on the streets.
Princeton on the other hand gets scared of commitment and breaks up with Kate even if she manages to grab the wedding bouquet from some hapless girl.
what ensues are characters telling each other how more miserable their lives have become especially with Princeton telling people how he is still loveless and purposeless. this is when the word Schadenfreude is introduced. this greatly describes how we also find pleasure in other people's misfortunes. that no matter how lowly we think of ourselves we are also giving service to other people by showing them that they are still blessed and more fortunate compared to us. sweet!
with such inspiration Princeton decides to do good for others most particularly to Kate who is dreaming of putting up her own school for monsters. he manages to get enough funds largely from the donation of Trekkie Monster who is also a porn addict.
such act of goodness is magnified as good vibes emanate from most people in the cast. Princeton and Kate get backs together and vows to just take each day at a time. everyone sings:
Why does everything have to be so hard?
Maybe you'll never find your purpose.
Lots of people don't.
But then- I don't know why I'm even alive!
Well, who does, really?
Everyone's a little bit unsatisfied.
Everyone goes 'round a little empty inside.
Take a breath,
Swallow your pride,
Let life roll off your backs
Except for death and paying taxes,
Everything in life is only for now!
the show ends with Princeton not really finding his purpose in life but the rest assures him not to dwell on it too much for his life may not be that good right now but everything is but temporary and is only For Now.
and i sure got the message.
i walked out of the theater feeling lighter and almost laughing at myself. i look back at those moments when i moped and realized how fantastic life just tells you to turn around, cheer up and just live life with more humor and laughter.
life indeed sucks but then it's still way fun too! =)
(oh yeah, kudos to the cast composed of Felix Rivera, Rachel Alejandro, Joel Trinidad, Frenchie Dy, and Aiza Seguerra and to Atlantis Productions for bringing this one to us. *okay*)
Saturday, December 15, 2007
...asking myself whether i'm really where i'm supposed to be or is it way better that i am somewhere else?
dang, i shouldn't be reading too much of youngblood where all those preppy writers strut up their stuff and show the world how inspiring they can be.
and/or not listen to thom yorke at all who gives me crazy ideas sometimes...
Turn me on to phantoms
I follow to the edge of the earth
And fall off
If they get the chance
And this is my chance
Thursday, December 13, 2007
and i just can't contain my excitement when yes! i found it on the internet too! *bounce*
so i'm reposting this to anyone and everyone who i can share my kilig with wahehe...*blush*
One Love, One Lifetime
(as published in PDI's YoungBlood section, circa 1990s)
In the sixteenth summer of my life I fell in love for the first time. Naturally, I had no idea what I was getting into. Youth, for all its freshness and vigor, does not have the wisdom of past experience. And so it was that I was very ill-equipped when Cupid's arrows first struck. I still had fairy-tale notions of love: Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, boy and girl pledge undying love for each other, and they live happily ever after. I only had to find my Prince Charming, and everything would be smooth sailing. I was young and invincible. No sadness could touch me, especially in the arena of romance.
To young people finding themselves drawn to someone for the first time, everthing is wonderful and new. I once read that love is like God's finger on your shoulders. Every beautiful thing in the world feels like it was made solely for your enjoyment, like a gift chosen with only you in mind. Perhaps the greatest of all these gifts is the sound of your heart catching in your throat at the sight of a boy smiling at you as though you, too, were a gift he cannot quite thank God enough for.
When I look back at the days when I was all giddy with that first discovery of love, I find that the grass was greener, the air was fresher and even the sun was kinder, not sending its rays down to punish my back on sweltering afternoons, like it does now, but bathing me in its radiance so that I had the morning sunshine in my smile. The splendor of creation, the marvel of life — I had never tasted them more fully than when I had a heart grateful for the first touch of love. It felt like I had the whole world in my hands, the power to do whatever I pleased, in my own sweet time as soon as I had finished attending to greater things at hand, such as the business of love. My prince had come on his white charger, to rescue me from my ordinary, solitary existence. Suddenly, I had someone to hold my hand. It was bliss. It was ecstasy. I was madly, deeply, truly in love.
I thought my happiness was without end. I thought that since we had naturally gravitated toward each other, it would be a simple thing to get together and be sweethearts until our hearts gave out in our golden years. Of natural causes, not of exhaustion, like I don't feel like loving you anymore. Of a coronary disease, maybe, not some mysterious happenstance, like where is the love we used to know?
Where did it go? I don't know. Maybe it was too beautiful to last. Maybe the deities who bestowed this wondrous gift on me decided they could not extend their generosity any further. Maybe it wasn't love at all. Maybe it was merely a sweet but insignificant friendship, that in my romantic delusion I had exaggerated into a grand love affair. Years of sleepless nights, countless tears and endless soul searching have given me no answers.
But if it wasn't love, what could it possibly have been? What was it that made me feel his presence like no other, day after day, month after month, year after year? He would walk into a room and my attention would immediately be riveted to him, like an oarsman in the dead of night fixing his eyes on a lighthouse miles and miles away. I would see him come out of a building, and my eyes would light up like incandescent bulbs. He would smile at me and I'd melt, quicker than you can say quickmelt. He would grant me the privilege of his company, and like a kitten I would purr contentedly in my master's lap. I would see him over the weekend, and no amount of stress could ruin my happiness for two weeks thereafter. He would talk to me for a while, and I'd panic for lack of something appropriate to say, and my tongue would fall back in my throat and stay there for the rest of the conversation almost asphyxiating me. He would narrate some anecdote, and I could recite it from memory many months after everyone else had forgotten it. He would crack one of his numerous jokes and I'd laugh like a hyena, loving the sound of his voice, more than the sound of my own laughter. He would open his mouth to say something, and I would hear the loveliest music and feel my face glow with intense satisfaction, like when my father used to take me to the supermarket to pick as many Dole pineapple juice off the shelves as I cared.
Even to this day, when I have successfully convinced myself and unsuccessfully convinced my friends that I have fallen out of love with him, I cannot help but cast one last glance in his direction every time he says goodbye and starts to walk away to an existence entirely separate from my own. I keep my eyes on him until the last hair on his head is out of sight, trying to preserve every detail of his appearance in my memory until the time I will see him again.
I loved his smile most of all. It must have been the same smile Noah had upon seeing the rainbow after the Great Flood. Swirling masses of dark clouds and slowly, one by one, little fingers of light coalesce to reveal a brilliant arc of colored light in the sky. I remember how he used to smile at me when we'd pass each other in the school corridors. Reflexively I'd smile back, grinning like silly, my meager dimples stretched up to my ears, my face dangerously close to splitting. He'd give me that dazzling smile of his and everything would stop just like that. It was as if the world had ceased to exist; it was only me and him: his glistening retainers the vertiginous dance of my heart. When they said money can't buy happiness, they must have meant the happiness that comes with first love.
He gave me the greatest happiness as well as the greatest sadness of my young life. The times when he made me feel most loved will always be like commemorative gold coins in mint condition in my mind. When you hear your heart beat in unison with another even for the most fleeting moment, that's one moment you will never forget.
I fell apart when it finally became clear that we weren't getting anywhere, at least not together and that our great love affair was only being carried on in my imagination. Love is a woman's existence, and mine became totally disordered. I could not sleep. I could not eat. I could not study. I could not do anything but think of him. I cannot imagine it now, but there was a time when my every thought was of him. I would be praying and I'd think of him, and then I'd pray, "Please God, I love him. Please let him love me again." I would be eating, and then I'd recall some meal we had taken together in some restaurant I cannot enter now without him beside me again. I would be studying, and I'd remember mechanically doing my homework. I would be sleeping, and if I so much as dreamt of his shadow, I'd be sleepless for days afterwards. I would be looking at the stars in the sky, and then I'd recite that childhood rhyme: Starlight, star bright/ first, second, third, ad infinitum star I saw tonight, please grant me his love anew. I would be living my life in the present, then I'd think of him and suddenly I'd want to live the past all over again. Once I nearly tore off the tuning knob from the radio, switching stations because one song kept on playing on the airwaves, telling this is your story, when I was desperately trying to put a semblance of normality in my life (and trying to cram for my finals).
Two years down the line, I discovered tennis and took out my frustration on the hapless, fuzzy, yellow balls. In no time at all, I had an excellent serve, but alas, I could not master the groundstrokes.
I pined for him until I could pine no longer. I kept my life empty for the longest time so that he could freely re-enter anytime he wished. Now I realize that this was a great disservice to myself. In my great, tragic love for this person I had forgotten to love myself and became a victim of my own neglect. Buth then in the anguished lives the young lead, they need drama commensurate to their hormonal levels, and my drama was wasting away for a boy I had lost, I guess, to college education.
Through it all I loved him very much. I love him so much that, as the cliche goes, I could not deny him his happiness. If he was happier with someone else, so be it. If he was happier with me as only a friend, so be it. Though it sometimes felt like I had a wound in my heart, it didn't matter, I loved him anyway. After a while, it didn't matter that he didn't love me in return, I loved him anyway. When he'd wonder if there was a girl out there for him, I could scarcely stop myself from screaming, "Here I am, you doofus, no need to go far." When he did ask me for any favors to my inconvenience, I would whine inside but my brain would be in a frenzy cancelling appointments so I could be at his beck and call. I loved him so much I felt it was such a massive injustice, tyranny even, that I could not have him, when I was probably the one who loved him most, after his mother. I would never let any harm come to him. Touch a hair on his head and I'd metamorphose into the Incredible Hulk and kill you.
Call it stupidity, call it insanity, call it obsession, call it infatuation, call it whatever you want, it was love, sweet bittersweet love. With love, as with faith, if you believe that's justification enough, no explanation is necessary. If you do not, no explanation is possible. When you are blessed enough to love, it will change you in so many ways you can never be the same again.
Love means different things to different people, different things at different times. LIke everything, it changes. It waxes and wanes like the moon.
In all my years of loving one boy with all the love my heart could hold, I learned that no matter where I went, no matter what I did, no matter who I was with, there was only one person for me, no matter if he long ago ceased to feel the same way. It was not his fault that I was so unhappy for so long, it was simply my misfortune, my cross to carry. In spite of everything, I am a better person, and I will forever be indebted to him for teaching me how it is to love. Never mind that his teaching was done mostly in absentia. I madly, deeply, truly loved him. I hope never to dishonor that love by engaging in cheap flings with whoever catches my fancy at the moment.
To me love is not a conquest, much less one conquest after another. Conquest denotes subjugation, a submission to a more powerful will. You do not make a person submit to your will and mold him as you see fit to make him more lovable in your eyes. You love him for what he is. You do not gloss over his imperfections, you learn to live with his flaws. You do not brag to your friends that he is yours for the taking, there is no place for braggadocio in love. You wait instead anxiously for the next time he tells you he loves you, no matter if it may never happen and in the meantime the uncertainty is making you miserable. You do not lead him on with empty displays of affection. You do not boost his ego with false praises, only to give him the ultimate put-down by taking him for a fool. You find yourself speechless with admiration and fear that the slightest touch will betray the depth of your emotion. You do not cry foul when you see that the course of love has not gone according to your fervent wishes. You do not bawl at him, "How dare you tell me you love me, take my heart, and then disappear from my life." You do not demand the return of glorious days long past. You do not blame him for your shattered illusions and waylaid dreams and least of all for your broken heart. Even in the lowest troughs of self-pity and despair, you cannot bring youself to cause him the slightest grief. You would rather die than give him the slightest hint that he has anything to do with your unhappiness. Love bears all– maybe not always with a smile that's big enough for all the world to see, but just one that's brave enough to tell him it's okay, you'll live so he doesn't have to feel bad.
It is never easy to lay open the door to your heart, because love and rejection get in the same way. Love is not for the faint-hearted. I loved once, and years later I am still reeling from it. Having survived one heartbreak has not lessened my fear of going through another. Thus I envy people who can plunge headlong into relationships after but just some tentative attempts at getting to know another person. I envy people who can meet strangers and shortly afterward declare that they were meant for each other. I envy those who are not afraid to go after their happiness and damn the consequences. I envy people who can go from conquest to conquest without feeling diminished by it.
I can never be like them. I don't think like them. Once you've tasted manna from heaven, why bother with bread from the baker? Nothing compares with it.
Until God sends me my angel on earth to love and to cherish forever, I will be content to be alone. I have learned to swallow my loneliness like a bitter pill, hoping that my good behavior will make fate smile at me and say, "Here is the one for you. Live happily ever after, your name is written on his heart."
One love, one lifetime — that is my hope. Not one conquest after another. As Sting says, that's not the shape of my heart.
...must be from reading all those mushy essays from youngblood 3 for the past couple of nights now.
...or maybe the fact that i have nightly parties starting tonight and i don't really feel like going save for those which i'll be with close friends.
...or maybe because i have yet to do my Christmas shopping and i haven't really bought a single gift for my family and my friends but then again i so hate squeezing myself unto crowded malls or tiangges or brave Manila traffic.
...is it because of the fact that nights are gettin colder as i jog each night and all i see are couples or at least old men with their dogs?
...i miss you and sometimes i'd ask myself if i do deserve missing you at all.
...i dunno. i've always hated Decembers here in Manila. i just know i need to get home pretty quick.
...i miss my mom. and am so looking forward to smelling her cooking back home.
...maybe i just need my most perfect drug...XAN.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Got this from andrea's blog and thought it fun to try out. You may want to try it out too. ;)
Go to Google and type in quotation marks your name and then "likes to" (ex. "John likes to"). Type in the first 10 things that come up and repost in your own blog."
Tried Marinela first but didn't find any hits...wala boring ang real name ko haha! Tried out Lang and actually found a lotta stuff!
1. Lang likes to sing, accompanying with the Fender electric guitar. (sing, sing i would haha!)
2. Lang likes to combine friends from Vienna with professional models. (er, i'd like to be a model though ahihi)
3. Lang likes to phrase definitions in the language of category theory for a reason. (ano daw?!)
4. Lang, likes to use reading as an escape too. (purr-fect!)
5. Lang likes to keep active with tennis, jogging, dance classes (ballet and jazz), wind surfing, mountain biking...(huwaw! ang active naman!)
6. Lang likes to work out rules that, when given to a computer, show what creases to make to end up with a desired origami figure. (malay...)
7. Lang likes to give a physical as well as musical presentation of the emotion one finds in the music. (tsk, tsk, musician ito!)
8. Lang likes to cuddle doesn't she? (BWAHAHAHA!)
9. Lang likes to use tarot cards for close quarters combat and derives a devilish glee from reading fortunes before a mission. (*devilish glee* i like that! LOL)
10. Lang likes to be known as 'gaygoth'. (wahahaha!)
Monday, December 10, 2007
2. A HARRY POTTER BOXED SET
3. Neil Gaiman's A GAME OF YOU comic book
4. RUNNING/WALKING SHOES
5. A dvd of WHAT'S EATING GILBERT GRAPE
6. The complete set of NEVERWHERE
7. GREEN TEA BY ARDEN
8. HAVAIANAS High Sun in nude or red
after nito WORLD PEACE naman!!!
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Al is my closest cousin who is currently in Dubai...waah! i kinda feel nostalgic thinking he's so far away now. but am glad he's found his own GG (God's gift) in Graciel and that they are going to have their own baby soon. Congratulations!
And i wish you more blessings and more kids and more happiness.
and how i miss you so much. =)
Saturday, December 08, 2007
(photos courtesy of parangtukmol)
i know i've been overly dramatic the past days that i might not be to able to watch the concert but well yeah, i did.
when we got to araneta a lot of people were milling around but there really wasn't a long queue. tickets were still available even up to GP which was at P525. i was prepared to shell out only up to P1050 if GP tickets were not available anymore. sorry, i guess i'd only dare sit up front and shell out a couple of thousands only if it's going to be tori amos or chris cornell or billy corgan.
when we got inside twas kinda sad looking at how there were a lot of empty seats upfront and everywhere around the bleachers side. we were actually seated on the upper box so our view was still a-ok.
i've forgotten though how cold araneta can be. i guess i was used to watching uaap games there with such a huge wild crowd that i thought it won't get cold that much. i was telling andy na lang to pretend we're watching it abroad and that it's freakin snowy outside haha!
rivermaya opened up the show and wow i missed rico blanco so much! i knew i was shouting too much of "i love you, rico!" and "i miss you rico!" LOL! but then the new guy Jayson is such a performer too. i had goosebumps when he sang Himala with such power. Japs, Mike and Elgar are quite malamya performers eh which is why i felt how i sorely miss Rico's todo performance. But Jayson's youth (he's only 18) and energy could very well bring the band up once again. and i guess they will still remain as my fave Pinoy band of all time (more so for the love of Rico hehe).
then out came Jaime Kennedy supposedly of the Jaime Kennedy Experiment. sorry i didn't know who he was. but andy enthusiastically stood up and took vids and photos of him. we had a great time laughing at his jokes though which was mostly R-18. he also made fun of a lot of Chinese and Jap guys up to even the Catholic altar boys. dang, i'm sure he hit some soft, dangerous spots in there.
araneta was almost filled up when VH finaly came out after a good few minutes.
they opened up with Inside You...and wow, the experience was almost surreal. the fans sitting up front all stood up and leaned on the railings. the crowd just roared and i could almost feel araneta tremble. Utterly gorgeous Matt Scannel actualy got inside everyone of us.
When they sang the more famous songs as Best I Ever Had, You're a God, Everything She Wants, you could see how each one held up their lit celphones or cameras recording the performances.
unfortunately i didn't now a lot of their songs which brought me to just sitting and listening and daydreaming. one thing why i'm into rock groups is that most vocalists are just total hotties haha! they would apear all rough and brawny but you'd see them transform to mere boys once they sing and dance around and shout out expressions of love and hurts and all the good and bad stuff.
it was totaly heartwarming how Matt just uttered over and over again how "incredible" their Manila experience was. their first in Asia at that. he must have said "thank you" countless of times. he even practiced his few Tagalog words as "magandang gabi", "mahal ko kayo" much to the delight of the audience. i know it's quite customary for foreign acts to just say it to wow the audience but his sincerity was just overwhelming. mahal ko na din siya!
he even said something about coming back and getting an apartment here already LOL!
the show ended after about 2 hours of them singin and rockin and us roaring and sighing and drinking that sight and sound which was the vertical horizon phenomenon.
oh yeah, i've totally become enamored with that big, bald guy who looks a lil bit like alex crisano haha!
i have just downloaded their Go album and has been listening to it over and over now. am still so hung over. =)
Friday, December 07, 2007
pex has been down for the past 4 hours or so now. just when i got become too excited after having tamed alpha green, our resident troll (har-har!) in torch'd's thread. or so i presume.
this left me with not having much to do aside from refreshing multiply over and over again to check for updates.
work-wise, i was just able to do our last quarter budget request which i did quite in a jiffy even if i tried doing and redoing it if only to bide some more time and more work hehe. i wanted to study our budget and hopefully prepare a new one for next year but i found it too early just yet. besides my colds are still kinda bad and even if i've been sleeping on and off today working on numbers will only make me even more dizzy.
this left me with nothing much to do but sing! or at least try to haha! i have this habit of looking up to the lyrics and meanings of the songs i download. i would play it over and over again and try to sing along with it. i have this site bookmarked which i could just browse to whenever.
lately i have just compiled my third eye blind mp3 folder and found myself transported to our old apartment back in abada when we'd head bang on semi charmed life LOL! i just happened to look up to its lyrics and found that it's supposed to be about some meth addiction. no wonder we'd get high with the song as well. but i'd look back and realize that most of the songs i was into back then and even now is mostly about drugs and suicide and relationships gone wrong. i knew i had quite a lot of angst back then but yeah, maybe these songs just contributed more to it subliminally. how can it be not when i'd listen to a lot of googoo dolls, smashing pumpkins, nirvana, etc back then.
and i'd just read that black balloon refers to that black balloon which is being used by heroin addicts to wrap around their arms before injection. yeah, i knew it was again about drugs but not this specific.
but then again who cares. billie corgan supposedly wrote today when he was feeling suicidal. and yet i find it really positive and happy haha! songs do have different meanings for different people and it depends mostly on how each one affects each part of our lives. these songs from that era may have sounded angsty and dark yet i take comfort in these songs because those were the days when i felt i was young and carefree and strong and invincible.
another great misconception i believe is when i heard years ago from some dj that vertical horizon is actually a Christian band. that its name actually signifies a a vertical and a horizontal line thus forming a cross. lame as it sounds i actually believed in it hehe. such acts like jars of clay could still bring on inspiration and rock at the same time, right? but yeah, i looked up on vertical horizon and found no such support info for that Christian group claim.
i researched on vertical horizon too more so because we might be able to catch the concert later tonight yi-ha! that is if we could still score some tickets. if not then we can always just camp out outside araneta or hopefully find a good table in dencios and just drink the night away. *sniff*
Thursday, December 06, 2007
and i think am gonna be coming down with something..all these rains..and the cold...more sniffs.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
I believe in the sand beneath my toes...
(third eye blind)
my brother has been asking me to drop by zamboanga city where he is currently working for their Christmas party on the 20th. i have booked my flight and we'll just go home together by bus to our home in Iligan. nevermind if it's but another 10-12 hour trip. ilang beses na sya nagparinig that i should drop by and see his place there so i should for once give in.
in return, i've been prodding him to take me to sta. cruz island too. dang, it's been really cold lately and am dreaming of the warm sun to kiss my pale skin once more.
he told me that it might be dangerous at this time as there's some war brewing over at Sulu and that we might need some Marine escorts in case we do visit.
i don't really mind. there's always war on that part of the world most of the time anyway. and having armed escorts does sound cool, right?
but i've alway believed that my bro, our only boy in the family lacks the adventurous spirit we, the women in the family has. har-har.
but i'm really still hoping and praying he gives in.
man, how can i not drool on this one:
Sunday, December 02, 2007
everything seems to be back to normal at my side of the world. though i have yet to unpack some stuff which i brought to the hotel with me where we stayed for days or clean up my Xan's kalat everywhere i believe i have all the time in the world to do that. am all by myself once again anyway.
alone again, naturally.
i look back at the days spent almost in a flurry and can't help but be amazed at how we took it all in stride notwithstanding its magnanimity...we just had our national awarding ceremonies composed of 3 full days of activities both pleasurable and uber tiring. along with it came a big early morning fire near our hotel, lando and mina threatening to dampen our event, an earthquake which literally rocked our world and trillanes strutting up his ass anew but to no avail just the same. phew!
but i barely recalled being frazzled by them a bit. twas Xan who was more like wreaking sweet havoc in my own world.
they, my mama and Xan arrived here late afternoon last sunday. they were supposed to have arrived earlier at noontime and i was there at the airport waiting for them and the rest of our guests but mama read her trip ticket all wrong and thought that they were supposed to depart at 1230 instead of arriving on the said time *toink* ! so there goes my promo ticket as they had to buy a new one for the next flight out. and i could not wait up for them at the airport anymore as i had rehearsals scheduled around the time they were supposed to arrive. grrr, i was quite ready to snap on my mama for the mistake but Xan greeted me with a huge smile upon seeing them after the rehearsals. all is well that ends well.
we had a studio tour in the morning and the awards night scheduled came monday. i chose to let my mama go to the studio tour with the excuse that i needed to spend QT with Xan...am just really anti-abs hehe...but yeah, i do need to spend time with Xan...and let my mama enjoy the tour instead bleh. so Xan and i took the time lazing in our hotel room flipping channels on tv when i decided to take him to SM for some new shirts. so after quick showers we hopped on a taxi with my friend Sugar and proceeded to scour the kids section of the department store. on the way there though my phone kept on ringing with people on the tour asking where they were supposed to have lunch? or what will they do next after the tour? or what time were they supposed to go back to the hotel after the tour? or who's going to be fixing them up for the program later that night? etc, etc...and Xan wasn't really cooperating much either as he preferred being carried instead of holding my hand and just walk. i proceeded in picking up two shirts and just estimated and hoped hard that it fits him instead of my having to slip it on him for size. my, these shirts are costly huh! they were more pricey than my own shirts haha! i was too tired to complain or even calculate. i just picked them up and paid.
i looked around for my friend Sugar around the ladies shoes section but could not find her anywhere. i felt Xan getting heavier in my arms only to check that the kid (yeah, he's a baby no more) had fallen asleep. i have such an antukin son hehe. then another call came telling me that they were supposed to go back to the hotel already and will have to prepare fixing themselves up for the afternoon's program.
i had not much of a choice but to leave the store and head back to the hotel lugging sleeping Xan and the stuff we bought.
while all that was going on, i then felt how hard it must be for full time moms to take care of their kids all by themselves. what more if they have 2-3-4 kids at that. i found it hard juggling roles as a mom at that time and an organizer for an event that i just have to remind myself over and over again never to crack under pressure. i just needed to look at Xan's face as he sleeps peacefully and need not have to worry about everything else at all. i got back at the hotel, met our guests and asked them how the tour was and told me how much they enjoyed it and thanked us for the experience. all is indeed well.
the afternoon came and we all got busy prepping up, wearing our nicey nicey clothes, having our hair and make up done and waiting to just enjoy the rest of the event. there could have been a few glitches like the writers almost missing out on the giving of the special award, guests came in really late, seats were not really fully ocuppied until much much later, and the souvenir program which contains all the names of the winners was almost distributed before the program even started! buti na lang naharang ko *bop-bop!* wahahah! but i was glad everyone seemed exhilarated. our big bosses and guests were in full attendance and the audience were delighted upon seeing celebrity after celebrity gracing the show.
i was in my lil black dress, 3 inch high heels and pearls, fully made up...with dapper Xan in tow. whoever said carrying babies can be unglamourous or unfashionable :P
the night ended and everyone was in high spirits congratulating each other. i was just relieved it was all over sans major glitches...and Xan behaving pretty well like some young lil grown up. we went back to the hotel after smiling for the paparazzis everywhere. i capped my night with a mucho mugful of san mig light and some bibingka from quattro. yey!
the following day was our scheduled city tour. we dropped by rizal park first for some snapshots then metropolitan museum next. Xan was asleep again in the bus at this time. he was awake by that time we got to the coconut palace all because he pooped on his pants haha! my mama and i had to separate from the tour group and found a rest room quick to wash up Xan. he must be the first one to have pooped on the Php37M Presidential Guesthouse!
we were having lunch at jollibee in the mall of asia when we felt the earth shook. at first i thought i was just dizzy from running everywhere and getting on and off the hotel elevator where we roomed in at the 11th floor. but the people around us panicked as well. it must have been a few minutes before it eventually stopped. we were all quite scared that it might cause some tsunami as we were in the bay area, at a reclaimed land at that. Xan however was oblivious to what's goin on. he is after all with his favorite friend, bee-bee =)
after a couple of hours at the mall we then proceeded to star city. Xan was asleep again by the time we alighted so they were left on the bus as i had to accompany the rest of the guests. we first entered the snow world were we had first hand experience on what it's like to be literally cold :p we only took a few pics (though it was bawal) before leaving the area. i tried to wait up for my mama and Xan but we were not able to see each other inside the park :(...twas quite saddening as i separated myself from the group and i tried hard to look for them everywhere. and my mama wasn't able to answer my calls and texts after telling me they have gotten inside the park premises.
it felt dizzying being amidst all those people who were having so much fun while i continued to search everywhere for the people that mattered to me the most.
the day ended and it was time for us to head back to the bus and end the tour. i found Xan and my mama sitting exhausted on the bus too after having gotten off from the melee of people inside the park. well, at least they were safe and sound.
the following day was bye-bye day finally for our guests. though it was quite a tiring series of events everyone thanked us profusely for giving them a grand time.
it still baffles me till now how they would end up thanking us over and over again for giving them such royal treatment when they all deserved it in the first place. we, or our project will not be able to move without them in the first place.
twas thursday when trillanes acted out his own drama in the posh hotel which was the manila pen. Xan was busy entertaining the CSR's in air philippines while we all watched the live news report on tv and my brother texting me not to go near makati. well, we didn't have plans to go near makati at that time anyway. my mama stayed glued on the tv as i preferred watching over Xan. i still dunno how a few of my friends find him hot. he looks more like a sissy to me...care to look at this pic which i just grabbed anyhow:
oh yeah, feel free to grab and post this as well...this is the most i could do to spread the trillanes hate as i choose not to dwell on him anymore at all. :)
i found my next couple of days taking Xan and mama to the malls the best experience of which was in serendra, then high street, and lastly in market, market..where we celebrated our bonifacio day. :)
was also able to attend the mini christmax party with a few moms and kids from pex where Xan greatly enjoyed running around the KFC playpen amidst bigger kids who ended up hitting, even stepping on him. Xan the ever sport one would cry a bit, stand up, smile and run around again. i guess he still has not fully acquired the will to fight off whoever gets in his way har-har!
PHEW! this blog entry has gotten way longer than i expected.
i brough Xan and mama to the airport this morning. i thought i should feel sad and homesick once more but i feel i should be numb already. after almost two years of being in and out of Xan's life i should get used to it already. not the bad kind of being content and nonchalant about it. but the kind of content which makes me feel secure that at least Xan is in good hands and that my mama actually looks happier now with Xan around.
everything is all but quiet once again. i sit here and revel at all the activities we went through.
and i take comfort at the wisp of scents Xan left here with me. i could still feel his ultra soft skin, hear his shrieks and giggles, smell the warmth of his skin.
i, too am glad to have had this opportunity of being able to be with him and share this part of my world.
now i am back to reality.