perfect for my brooding soul

Pan's Labyrinth--am never the type who gets turned off by films wth subtitles. most of the subtitled movies i've seen were great and memorable.
i've read several reviews about this film. some find it grotesque, disturbing, boring (duh!)...but then it's the same dark imagery that drew me in to watching this. and boy, i was not disappointed at all. i actually loved every scene! forgive me for sounding so strange but yeah i sometimes delve on dark and violent films.
it's certainly not your ordinary Alice in Wonderland and i'm still confused why they rated it as PG 13. my niece who was with me was even disturbed by some scenes and she's 21. heck i even had to cover my eyes on some really gory executions hehehe...
just the same it's a great movie when you feel like you're all in anguish inside. it could be cathartic for all those dark thoughts lurking inside you. it's actually like dousing some alcohol on one's open wound. great, good God!!!!

single thoughts

was sitting long at starbucks watching at people pass by, looking at couples more specifically when i started asking myself:

M: why can't i ever find a regular guy like these girls found theirs??

Me-too: you're not a regular girl. you can't be with a regular guy.


sigh...

food trippin in palawan

i still can't help but remember the yummy food i've had in puerto princesa..hmmm...



this is the rice noodles with pork strips i ordered in Vietnamese Village...but boy, the P9 french bread is what i miss the most.

on our last night in puerto, we decided to go to Kalui's and order a sumptuous seafood dinner and whoa this is what we got...appetizers comprised of seaweeds, sauteed kangkong with shrimps and squid, a plate of grilled shrimps, grilled tuna,



we had our extra order of lobster for P600 a half kilo (that's about 3 pieces of medium sized ones)


the meal ended with a serving of fresh fruits topped with muscovado..haay so yumyum!!!


oh wel, must have gained a few pounds that day heheh...wish i could go back for more.

so did i make you drool???

confessions of a wanderlust

this is not an ordinary travelogue...

i remember i first got to travel long distance when we went to bacolod for a lola's funeral...i was about 4 or 5 then. we had to travel by boat from iligan to bacolod which took more than 15 hours then. i remembered i got so seasick, i had fever, i had to lie down on top of biscuit cans since the boat was kinda crowded.

i dunno, i was always sickly as a child. we would go to my other lola's place less than an hour by bus from our city and i would puke like hell everytime. mom would always tell me to take something hot even just water before i would travel. i would puke water instead. sigh. i'd eat something and i would barf whatever food i just ate. i thought i was gonna be a hopeless traveller.

i guess my mom took that as a challenge to take me wherever i could go. i would dread the thought of riding buses and smelling gasoline fumes. funny thing is i would be more dizzy smelling white flower and all those liniments. back then bonamine was nonexistent.

sigh. and here i am with a work that lets me travel more than 50% of the time. yeah, travelling has become a sort of addiction. i still get dizzy from time to time though. even puked a few number of times when the road really gets bumpy. bonamine is now my bestfriend.

but i realized travelling has filled up such a deep void inside of me.

here i go now.

i am always in search for something. i can't seem to stay in one place for a long time. and yeah, i am greatly claustrophobic. blame it on some stupid game i got messed up with as a kid. i can't seem to breathe when i'm confined in one place for so long. and yes, it's ever present even with how i deal with people. how i handle relationships. i am always in search. i always want to get away. to escape and get lost somewhere. i tend to want to run away when the current thing that i'm having is kinda closing in on me slowly but surely.

i'm not just you're ordinary traveller who gets itchy feet whenever. i have this deep longing for something i dunno what it is really.

i still feel i need to find my way home. just that right now i don't really know where home is. not even with my son i guess. darn, i hate this.

i so freakin hate this when a lot of things need answers.

maybe i just want to be needed sometimes.

i just dunno where is that exact place right now.

i could continue to search.

or i could just stay and look deep inside of me.

just thinkin about it makes me wanna puke once again. sigh.

sorry, as i said this is not an ordinary travelogue...

i'm in deep sh*t, am i???

keeping me sane

i'd like to share my playlist and some lil stories behind it...this has been and will be my companion in my travels...can't help but be at ease even if the roads become really bumpy and long and winding...i can just always be lost in my own world with my songs...

epiphany-staind (i'm actually born on the day of epiphany..hmmm)
closer-nine inch nails (this one's actually one of my fave sexy love song hahaha!)
love hurts-incubus (we downloaded the entire album and actually loved listening to this most especially when the roads are extra bumpy and headbanging becomes effortless)
the blower's daughter-damien rice ( i love, love this very sad, poignant song from the movie Closer)
vida cor meum-Kingdom of Heaven OST (supposedly Dante's song for his beloved Beatrice, i shouldn't be keeping more songs of unrequited love on my playlist huh!)
crash into me-dave matthews band (sexy, sexy song from The Man!)
deep-nine inch nails (who can ignore Trent Reznor???)
collide-dishwalla (two people meeting and later falling apart? tsk, tsk..)
coral sky-dishwalla
counting blue cars-dishwalla (one of dishwalla's first famous songs)
find your way back home-dishwalla
head like a hole-nine inch nails
you give me something-james morrison (c'mon! don't be so scared now ;)
last goodbye-jeff buckley
breathing-lifehouse (i love this, so easy, so stress-free, no pressures at all...even if you don't speak tonight it's alright, alright with me...)
everything-lifehouse (very hopeful yet full of apprehensions. someday, somehow i hope the questions could be answered soon)
heaven-live (my faith is mine and mine alone. no one can dictate it)
far away-nickelback
only-nine inch nails
pretty good year-tori amos (i love tori and this is one of the songs i fell in love with)
say goodbye-dave matthews band
smells like teen spirit-tori amos (yeah, atori cover yi-ha!)
the hand that feeds-nine inch nails
the perfect drug-nine inch nails
a sorta fairytale-tori amos (am just pretty hoping that the things i have right now are not just passing thru or temporary like some sorta fairy tale..oh wel..)
turn my head-live
city of blinding lights- U2 ( we hope we could have remained naive and unknowing of all the other good things in life then maybe we could enjoy life better)
burn-the cure ( hear this and imagine eric draven goin from rooftop to rooftop...the adrenaline rush is just amazing!)
for love not lisa-slipknot (from The Crow ost, my fave OST of all time)
big empty- stone temple pilots ( i remembered listening a lot of STP while studying for chem back in college. i memorized most of the songs but flunked the subject hehe...this is also from the album, Purple ;) )
dead souls-nine inch nails (haunting, inviting...that's shy i love trent so much!)
time baby III- medicine
light grenades-incubus
from a shell-lisa germano
all of this past-sarah bettens ( another depressing but melodically sweet song from the Underworld Ost)
anna molly-incubus
hover-trust company (don't shut me out...)
earth to bella-incubus
bring me the disco king-david bowie (from the Underworld OST)
rogues-incubus
falling through the sky-renholder
a perfect circle-renholder
oil and water-incubus
every little thing-dishwalla (this is currently the national anthem back home, we, my nieces, nephews and i love singing to this song altogether)

Puerto it is!!

Puerto Princesa, Palawan---after that enlightening trip to brooke's point, it's finally time to head back to the city, puerto princesa it is! yeah, i was so relieved, nevermind if we had to face 4-5 more hours of travel. at least we got seats where we could hog the aircon hehe...and though the ride was bumpy and quite hot and dusty and long i chose not to be bitchy about it anymore. after all i had my music to listen and get lost to. and i was still thinkin of the people we left behind who chose to stay there and serve. to SERVE in that place is indeed such a big word...for me at least.

we left around past 3pm and got to puerto at almost 8pm. we tried to go to this hotel but apparently it has changed management and the rates were now quite stiff. good thing am an avid pex reader thus i got to browse on the Palawan thread several options for lodging in the area. one of those i remembered was Lola Itang's, so we went there instead. and we were able to get rooms there for a minimal fee of P750 for a single accommodation. Good, good!

we rested for a while and went out to get dinner. whoa, imagine my exhilaration when i finally got into the city streets. there were cars and motorcycles and people everywhere and everything was just a-bustling! i wouldn't have mind walking through the streets even if i was still tired from the trip hehehe...was just really great to find "life" again. boy, am so mean!

we ate at chicken inato, sorry forgot to take photos this time...and then we proceeded to Kamarikutan, it's an art gallery/coffeshop/resto and i remembered loving it much there the last time i was able to visit the place. it felt like home, and it felt like i've been there several times even if i've only been there once pala.

and look who we found??! noel cabangon was actually playing for the Earth Day celebrations!

the night proved to be really enchanting as noel cabangon sang his timeless environmental songs with ladies garbed in ethnic attires gyrating in the backround. there was a bonfire and trees surrounded the place. cool, cool...too bad we couldn't stay long as we had to rest and prepare for another day's "work" the following day. ;)

still at the tip of the world!

brooke's point, palawan--
had quite an easy day. finally got to meet our nominee after about 20 minutes of tricycle ride towards the area...kinda sad looking in there but no it's not. people there are actually thriving. our nominee, young as she is actually chose to live there leaving her family and everything else behind and pursue her calling. nice, nice...

i actually felt ashamed for being bitchy when things just doesn't go the way i like it or when a little of my leisures in life are not there.

really enlightening. reminds me of how and why am still at this job in the first place. in this seemingly freaked out world, people are still out there trying hard to make a difference. they transcend all odds and go beyond themselves in spite of their misgivings. sigh...

at the tip of the world!

brooke's point, palawan-- our flight yesterday to puerto princesa was at 8am and at 630 we were still rushing along edsa to the airport heheh...good enough the computers at the checking counter acted up so it was delayed a bit...we managed to get through on thme nick of time. ;)

we arrived in puerto princesa at past 9am and lo and behold a brass band actually greeted us! but then of course, there were politicians that arrived with us hehe...

we took quite a while retrieving our bags. there were a lot of passengers and the cebu pacific flight arrived with us too. but the airport is really but small and not well ventilated. can anyone tell Mayor Hagedorn to fix their airport up?? Our Cagayan de Oro airport is smaller but well organized. puerto princesa definitely needs a great improvement especially if they are supposed to be aiming high at tourism.

our destination, brooke's point is another 4 hours from the city. we went to the public market to get on a van which leaves every alas-puno meaning once there's enough number of passengers to fill up the entire van...heck! after waiting a while we finally left at 12 noon and it was so freakin hot.

good enough the roads are somewhat better. but of course, elections are comin up so everyone really wants to make a good impression. another good thing was i had my mp3 player with me and i can just drift off and be oblivious of everyone.

finally arrived at brooke's point around 4pm...it's such a bliss that my room has aircon...too bad i don't have tv...but well, am too tired to complain...lemme just sleep all i want....:)

leavin again...

it's not that much fun anymore...

i just got here this weekend for the holy week break and the start of our validation period in mindanao.

tomorrow i'll be leaving again this time for palawan.

i still have a few trips lined up...

exciting. yeah...

but it's tiring...it's depressing packing and unpacking and coming home to the hollowed office halls and not really knowing where home is.

i'm sorry am bitchin again.

the grass is always greener in someone else's life.

summer fun!

it's a great country we have here...and summer is just one great excuse to explore beautiful sights anywhere...this time, i managed to get away with my family for once. we we're able to reserve a place at the scenic misamis occidental aquamarine park for the holy week...am sorry, but for this family, gone were the days when the holy week has been spent at home lounging and lazing and keeping quiet...instead it has become our chance to get together and hie away somewhere and just have fun and bond as a family.

located on the eastern tip of the zamboanga peninsula, the moap is actually a government owned and managed establishment located at the municipality of sinacaban in misamis occidental...to get there from our city in iligan we only have to drive less than an hour to the mukas port, get on a barge for about 15 minutes to ozamiz city and drive up another 20 minutes to the resort...yeah, this is all in mindanao heheh...

being a big family of 12, that includes my mom, us siblings and the nieces and nephews, we got the airconditioned dormitory which costs us P250 per head. the place is decent enough with network tv (yeah, only chanels 2 and 7 are available)..two restrooms, a little kitchen and 7 doubledecks...good enough for our cozy family.

a lot of activities could already be done nearby like fishing for P20 for the fishing pole and fish caught and cooked would be at P70 per kile...too bad we didn't get anything except for a couple of small tilapias which we returned to the water just the same.

there's a mini zoo carefully built around the mangroves too. we would only walk around the bamboo bridges and see lots of animals and a few more monkeys climbing everywhere...it's indeed a cool treat.


the best attraction though would have to be the dolphin island. we paid P130 per head for the entrance fee and roundtrip boat fare and just enjoy everything in there. the boat ride took about 20 minutes and what greeted us was another delight what with a big enough grandstand with several dolphins frolicking on the waters.


there were even a few giant sea turtles on the side. up ahead was a sandbar big enough for the entire family to run around, take pics and bathe...hehe, the other people left us when we got too rowdie having our pics taken.




thus we all went home sunned and tanned but with big big smiles on our faces. we took so many pics and we love looking at it over and over again. we really had a great, great time!

more pics can be viewed here!!!

my escape song...

i was checkin out my old cd collection and found this one really interesting song...i've always loved it and am so glad i found it again. i used to listen to this when i was feelin so low and just wanted to get away from it all and hope to someday find that place where i can just hide and get away from it all...

silent lucidity
queensryche

Hush now dont cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
Youre lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over...or has it just begun?

Theres a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run to in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didnt realize it and you were scared
Its a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the tears
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly, you hear and see
This magic new dimension

Chorus
I-will be watching over you
I-am gonna help you see it through
I-will protect you in the night
I-am smiling next to you...in silent lucidity

If you open your mind for me
You wont rely on open eyes to see
The walls you built within
Come tumblng down, and a new world will begin
Living twice at once you learn
You7re safe froom pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly
A round trip journey in your head
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dreams alive, you can be the guide but...

SILENT LUCIDITY
Queensryche
Singingfool.com

pursuing happiness

And it was at that time that I thought about Thomas Jefferson writing that Declaration of Independence. Him saying that we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I thought about how he knew to put the 'pursuit' in there, like no one can actually have happiness. We can only pursue it.

now that's kinda sad...but what is happiness anyway??

the first time i saw the trailer for this movie a pursuit to happyness i was actually moved to tears. trailer pa lang yun ha. but then again am such a sucker for father-son relationships...there's always somethin melancholic about fathers striving life and limb for their children...oh well...

but watching the entire movie is an entirely different feeling...yeah, i was moved to tears just the same, though slight lang...i was more moved by chris gardner's (will smith) determination to get what he wants. great thing is that he is really smart and he is bent on achieving what he wants. i dunno how man could do that. his wife leaves him taking care of his little son, he lived on every dollar he has, faces jail time, bein thrown out of his apartment. sometimes you wish it can't be all true. but chris gardner is a real man. he actually walked this earth. and has lived through the odds.

this is more or less a great, inspring story for the cutthroat corporate industry. that people can always start small and still manage to emerge succesful and powerful and drive that ultra shiny red convertible and be a multi-millionaire someday.

but it also teaches us to never lose the heart...to never cease showing compassion for other people. sometimes we set our dreams too high. we focus so hard on getting there that we tend to not see the people around us that matters. chris always has his son, he never left him. and though it was not shown in the movie, chris continued to support the homeless, giving funds and sharing his time. he also continued to advocate for the well-being of children by showing them how much it means to have their responsible and committed fathers around them. he later got a Father of the Year award. such a great guy indeed.

being happy doesn't only mean getting what you wanted and dreamed of...it's about sharing what you got and letting others feel at least a little bit of what you have too.

so you think you're happy now?