life in a box

so i've been here more than a year now since May last year.

came here with just a few things and have accumulated enough as the months passed. it makes me feel warm how i've scoured for most of the items here from the different places that i've been to. each one has a different story to tell.

it can get a bit claustrophobic though, waking up, being in just a small space. you may want to run around but you can't, lalampas ka na sa kabilang bahay! haha!

but i'm loving it here now. makes me feel safe and secure being in this little sanctuary of mine.

but sometimes, just sometimes, i wish i could transfer to a bigger place with more rooms if only to give space to my relatives who'd jst want to come barging in.

meanwhile, let me just enjoy my own peace and quiet. please.

to never lose that sense of wonder

a friend pointed out (thanks, May!) that the quote in my multiply header actually came from the last lines in the finale of the Wonder Years, as narrated by its lead actor, Kevin Arnold:

"Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you're in diapers, the next day you're gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place, a town, a house, like a lot of houses. A yard like a lot of other yards. On a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is, after all these years, I still look back...with wonder."

and now i am in search for dvds of the said tv show. meanwhile, i content myself with watching some clips in youtube.

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when i was at ever gotesco the other day, it was scorching hot and i didn't quite know the place. then i learned that i'm gonna have to wait a bit longer. but instead of getting annoyed i actually got excited about being able to explore the place a bit. maybe it was just the wanderlust in me.

i walked around. felt the place. tried to step into the shoes of the people that i saw.

and although i was telling myself to feel bad and irritated i just could not bring myself to.

it was a weird feeling. both real and surreal.

back in college, a book by Jostein Gaarder called Sophie's World became such a phenomenon then. we talked about it, analyzed and even used it as supplementary reading for our philo classes. i heard there even became a time when teachers prohibited citing examples from the book anymore in explaining the different topics. i guess they just got fed up with bits and pieces from the book sprouting every now and then in the recitations and the exams.

but that was a long time ago so i wouldn't mind talking about the main thing that i've learned from this book. one big thing which i have been holding on to for the longest time, and it says:

"Life itself is like a magic trick, and philosophers must always observe it with wonder."

okay, i'm no philosopher but i believe that in order to enjoy and appreciate life to the fullest we must always let ourselves be amazed and in awe by the things that we see and are going on around us. kids are like this, they are always so inquisitive and appreciative upon seeing new things. most of us adults however have become more numb, more jaded of the many wonders of life.

we get irritated, feel impatient, be annoyed fairly easily.

we lose faith, give up, get depressed.

and although it is also part of human nature to feel all these negative thoughts, we may also have to find ways to go around it and find some other more worthwhile things to dwell on.

because indeed there are always worthwhile things to dwell on.

something to smile about.

like an image of a guy in red who looks so apologetic for having made you wait and walk, who rushes on to meet you and you both squint under the heat of the afternoon sun, and give each other bear hugs. and you melt. and everything else just gets lost in oblivion.

it is still a weird wonderful feeling. both real and surreal.

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Trivia from IMDB about the movie The Chronicles of Narnia:

Georgie Henley's (Lucy Pevensie) reaction to Mr. Tumnus at the lamppost is genuine. She had not seen her cast mate James MacAvoy, in his costume before the scene was filmed, so her screams and reaction were real. Georgie's first reaction to the snowy world of Narnia is also genuine - she was carried into the set blindfolded to make her first entrance, and her wide-eyed, delighted reactions to it all are entirely her own.

not just because it's the mother's day

i hate to admit it but i believe i suck at being a good daughter.

i actually am grouchier when my mom is around. little things, little quirks about her irritate me some bit. but i just have to put up with it because after all she is still my mother and i still owe a lot to her, right?

i feel insecure about my misgivings. i don't even earn enough for me to be able to give her more. i still hope i could give her more pretty things, more grand surprises. but nah, i always feel broke when i start thinking about what to give her.

and i'm so envious that she gets to spend more time with Xan. that every time she comes home Xan would squeal and hug and kiss her as if he hasn't seen her for days. Xan just adores her. not that i blame her of course.

i'd like to believe though that in more ways than one, we abhor our mothers because we love them so much. that all those things we hate about them we get to imbibe still. more often than not, most of us actually become more like our mothers slowly but most definitively.

oh darn it, why am i ranting in this supposedly good occasion. i am terribly missing Xan so i'll just have to try to become a good daughter at least. and yeah, i need to try harder.

happy mother's day to all mothers!

being a mother is such a blessing, pains and all. i sometimes wish i brought Xan into this world the most painful, most natural way. not that i'm being a masochist just that there's something truly poetic and noble in experiencing all those labor pains.

anyway, i am sending my greetings too to those women who are not blessed with biological children but continue to nurture and take care of the people around them.

i also greet them men who have taken the responsibility of caring and rearing their children in the absence of the mothers.

the very essence of a woman might be to become a mother, to bear kids and take care of them. but over and above that, our essence is still about being able to nurture, to touch people's lives through our warmth and caring nature.

and i'm saying this because i don't want to rob some women, who are not able to give birth, or have decided not to have children, of their nature of existence and their very essence in this world.

T.A.R. 14

i want Marge and Luke to win this. but is there a chance Marge will just keep the 1M to herself?

that's for keeping up with that deaf-mute bitchy son of hers all her life.






i can't help but include this two as well, Lakisha and Jenn who finished 4th... for having lost that shot for a one million all because Jenn had to stop and pee before checking in on the mat where Phil was. and that was just a few minutes before the 3rd team checked in. stupid, stupid move. bwehehehe.



can't wait for the finale next week, monday, 8am on studio 23!