not just because it's the mother's day

i hate to admit it but i believe i suck at being a good daughter.

i actually am grouchier when my mom is around. little things, little quirks about her irritate me some bit. but i just have to put up with it because after all she is still my mother and i still owe a lot to her, right?

i feel insecure about my misgivings. i don't even earn enough for me to be able to give her more. i still hope i could give her more pretty things, more grand surprises. but nah, i always feel broke when i start thinking about what to give her.

and i'm so envious that she gets to spend more time with Xan. that every time she comes home Xan would squeal and hug and kiss her as if he hasn't seen her for days. Xan just adores her. not that i blame her of course.

i'd like to believe though that in more ways than one, we abhor our mothers because we love them so much. that all those things we hate about them we get to imbibe still. more often than not, most of us actually become more like our mothers slowly but most definitively.

oh darn it, why am i ranting in this supposedly good occasion. i am terribly missing Xan so i'll just have to try to become a good daughter at least. and yeah, i need to try harder.

happy mother's day to all mothers!

being a mother is such a blessing, pains and all. i sometimes wish i brought Xan into this world the most painful, most natural way. not that i'm being a masochist just that there's something truly poetic and noble in experiencing all those labor pains.

anyway, i am sending my greetings too to those women who are not blessed with biological children but continue to nurture and take care of the people around them.

i also greet them men who have taken the responsibility of caring and rearing their children in the absence of the mothers.

the very essence of a woman might be to become a mother, to bear kids and take care of them. but over and above that, our essence is still about being able to nurture, to touch people's lives through our warmth and caring nature.

and i'm saying this because i don't want to rob some women, who are not able to give birth, or have decided not to have children, of their nature of existence and their very essence in this world.