i used to love her

so i heard the warrant of arrest had been served and she will have to post bail while the case gets to court.

( pardon me, i'm not so familiar with court procedures. heck, i only lasted one sem of law school thinking i'd only drown myself in the technicalities.)

i am still in awe over what has happened. it has been almost three years after all. i searched for my previous blog posts thinking i might have posted anything about it but found none. now i'm feeling this urgency to create one if only to understand how it all happened. but i realize how difficult recalling those things are now.

the trauma, the drama.

let me just start with a little backgrounder, and nope, please don't make me name names.

we had a co-employee in the office back then. she was considered a bit of an ogress when i first started working. she acted warm and happy when i was around. but i was told that she loved saying stuff about me. threatened? i was barely 22, she was in her 50s. but i don't know how she had considered me a threat.

i've always been indifferent. i'm not the ass-kisser type who'd make pa cute when i need to have something done. i'd get to work, do my stuff and rarely does small talk.

then i heard her say that i'm "mayabang because my mom is a friend of our boss".

i brushed it off. Irrelevant!

then she said,. i'm "mayabang because i'm atenista."

now what the hell! lol!

and because i remained unfazed she said i'm merely mayabang. heheheh.

i didn't really care. instead i found ways to get to know her. i am after all a sucker for older people. i just adore them. in short, binobola ko. "wow, nice dress; nice shoes; naka make-up!" etc...

we somehow became friends for a while. although of course there was always this sense of wariness because i was often reminded by my peers to stand guard. she after all has this very shady character. we were pretty okay for years.

things changed much when i had to announce i was having Xan.

she appeared surprised yet happy for me. gave me a lot of unsolicited advice, even gifts and money. i welcomed it feeling happy that i at least had a mother figure i could rely a bit on. i was vulnerable. i was with child. unwed. emotional.

i felt like i needed every support i could have.

i trusted her amidst all those warnings.

i was supposed to leave work already once the project commenced. my boss was ready to drop me off because of what happened to me. i was after all in a Jesuit-run project and my situation could have an adverse effect on it. i didn't understand it much but i gave in.

i was ready to go.

when i had to take my maternity leave she was reportedly very happy. she would sit on my desk and exclaim how nice that spot was.

then she took over managing a big event for our project.

she wasn't even my assistant.

then i learned that she was also verbally harassing my staff. she fought with one of them and was told "walang modo kasi anak ng OFW."

my assistant was called "asal squatter", to think she lives just a little distance from them.

and of course, i'm special...i was called "immoral". she went around telling old friends and acquaintances about it.

i couldn't even begin to describe the emotions i've had back then. i was so ready to leave my job.

and then my boss asked me to stay. he said they had a change of heart. that they have decided to just forgive me and take me back. i didn't have to leave anymore.

So I stayed.

But more irregularities were found about her.

my boss consulted with the board and his peers. investigations ensued, labor cases were filed, and he just stopped talking and ignored her completely.

she was left in the dark. i believe she doesn't know how she got to where she is now. she could only continue guessing.

i am cringeing at the thought that if she hasn't posted bail then it means she must be behind bars now.

poetic justice indeed.

yeah, i have been immoral. it is a stigma i have to carry on for the rest of my life just like the surgical scar on my tummy where Xan came out. but at least i will only have wonderful dreams about my son.

she can only continue to give us nightmares and bad memories.

and so this is the part when i just want to continue with my GnR song...

but i had to kill her. i had to put her six feet under.