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why does one need to leave?

i know this is the nth time i've been posing this question. and i guess i'll continue asking this as i see more and more people who should be together are kept apart by circumstances.

i am going home soon. i don't have much with me but i don't really want to care. all i want right now is to just be with the people that matter even for a short while.

i'm afraid i've spent a lesser time with Xan this year and i don't really want to lose that chance especially when he is still young. i guess no matter how much i'd get to accomplish, i will always have to blame myself for my misgivings to him. i will never feel fulfilled, i will never feel complete.

i heard some conversation one time about a wife who was prodding her husband to go abroad if only for them to have a better life. i felt so mad, so annoyed. she doesn't have any idea what she's asking for. she doesn't have any inkling how bad it feels being apart from one's family. but being a mere spectator that i was i could not say anything. i can't blame people from dreaming about going somewhere else. from wanting to pursue better places if only to fulfill one's dreams. i detest it yet i myself is in the same situation.

being apart from one's loved ones is never easy. yes, we may be enjoying some little comforts or living the lives and opportunities of what a lot of others have only been dreaming about, still it is never easy being here.

i will forever miss those lost chances, those times that should have been spent being with others instead of just being by myself.

argh, i need to stop.