Thursday, November 12, 2009

experiencing summer

watching 500 Days of Summer made me realize that i am really not the pseudo-relationship type of girl. i could well relate with those free-willy, unlabeled, take-each-day-as-it-comes stuff but eventually both of you has to decide as to what the relationship should truly be about.

back in junior year, i learned this kinda big word from Fr. Dacanay for our Theo 131 class which is the "cathexis" from Scott Peck's the Road Less Traveled, it generally means "the collapse of one's ego boundaries". we let another person into our lives. we suddenly become bold and open, brutally frank and honest to this person. we are no longer coy in showing our true selves.

for a while i thought it so alien, so much more of a mystery to this rather proud self.

but you know what, time would come and you do find that person and have that eureka! moment.

you find yourself blushing and smiling by yourself. you would feel that icky, tingly sensations in your tummy. you might deem it as corny, cheesy, embarrassingly giggly but whether you admit it or not, being with the person and sharing yourself with them is just so freakishly wonderful.

but it doesn't end there. it should not end there. cathexis is not yet love.

one needs to decide to love.

love is not that bubble gum-my, strawberry scented feeling.

it involves a conscious act. an informed decision.

do you really want to go on waste each other's time playing and feeling giddy without really giving the other that security as to where it should lead to?

i once thought i could be that all-too modern girl who could feel all those wondrous feelings without having anything to hold on to.

to continue going on with the flow.

to merely allow it to take you wherever it is going to take you.

but labeling, boxing, putting words and tags in to what you have could actually make it feel so much better. you don't need to impose any more regulations, you only have to admit to both yourselves that "yes, i am with you, and i want you to stay with me",

and have that love story you have always wanted it to be.

otherwise, yeah, at some point in time you would have to let each other go and allow that person to find and be able to write the love story of their lives. and in the process, you open yourself up and get to find your own story too.

They made a statue of US!
The tourists come and stare at us
The sculptor's momma sends regards
They made a statue of us
and it's contagious
and it's contagious

Us (Regina Spektor)

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