mommyhood becomes me...

(this is a repost from my entry for momexchange)

"i just came from my OB, i am 12 wiks preg. am sori but i've never felt this hapi b4."

i remembered that was how i texted my sister and my bestfriend the news. i have just came from the OB then for my check up. i was sitting at dunkin donuts near world citi i could almost feel the tears welling up. i was happy. i've never felt such joy. and though they did not even know i was with someone then they both responded favorably. my sis asked me at once as to whether i wanted her to tell my mom or i could just tell her myself. my bestfriend only told me she's happy for me and to take care of myself. and to come home soon. home where i could be well taken care of with my delicate condition.

this was almost two years ago, i was 29. i remembered i was telling my high school friends then how i'd have a child by the time i was 30 married or not. i guess i was just so heartbroken then and felt i am a hopeless case as far as succesful love stories are concerned. they all pretty laughed about it and called me too independent and even selfish. why would anyone wants to bring a child into this cruel world alone anyway? but here i was anyway, pregnant and single.

though i was with a guy, yeah, he's not just some guy i picked up in the bar or along the streets hehe...we had something, i was happy with him. i almost felt like i could actually live with him for the rest of my life. but ewww, time passed and i realized there's no point staying and making it work....

i went on with carrying my son. of course, the next trimester was not so good. i would throw up morning, noon and night. worse, i wasn't able to tell my officemates then. my mom flew in at once and asked me how i was. she didn't ask me for anything nor my plans. she just wanted me to go home. i insisted to stay though as i still have to work.

when i finally told my boss, who happens to be a priest, he just asked me how i am and if i needed any help, counseling or any emotional support. all i asked was for him to support me. my officemates hugged me and was happy for me. except for those a few who chose to talk behind my back though. normal na yun, after all, some people couldn't really wait to bring us down.

i would read up on the internet a lot as i was counting the days. i remembered i even had to travel then for work but i welcomed each challenge. i was on my 5th month when i went to cotabato to do some interviews. was on my 6th when i flew to legazpi for research. i remembered i couldn't take anything beef and pork. i didn't have any particular cravings. i just wanted to watch game ka na ba everyday hahahaha!!! no wonder!

i went home to iligan on my 8th month in time for the xmas break. my mom flew in again to accompany me home. i was almost denied passage at the airport good thing mom was there to assure them i'd be alright and it would be best i come home soon.

my preggy days in iligan would have to be the best. my nieces and my nephews would camp around me and feel my tummy. and how they'd giggle when my baby starts moving and poking his knees or elbows maybe. and how he would stir up when they would sing him "my humps, my humps!" hahahaha. and they would text me every single day if i wanted to walk around the city for my exercise. my baby wasn't born yet but our home was already filled with laughter and anticipation.

oh well, xan is indeed in this world now. not just bringing laughters but chaos and bewilderment, shrieking and wreaking havoc everywhere. he's still my little precious. and he's growing to be a cutesy, more adorable, soo kulit baby each day. me on the other hand have never felt this blessed. true, i still have those dark episodes sometimes, which i would indulge in anyway...i still am able to come off it pretty well as soon as i've stared at my son's wonderful features.

motherhood is indeed a bliss no matter how hard the circumstances you've come through just by bringing him into this world. true, so true. :D