Sunday, May 13, 2007

finding one's bible

"i spent today outside a funfare. Since I can't afford to fritter money away, i thought it best just to watch other people. i stood for a long time by the roller coaster and i noticed that most people get on it in search of excitement, but that once it starts, they are terrified and want the cars to stop.
what do they expect? having chosen adventure, shouldn't they be prepared to go the whole way? or do they think that the intelligent thing to do would be to avoid the ups and downs and spend all their time on a carousel, going round and round on the spot?

at the moment, I'm far too lonely to think about love, but i have to believe that it will happen, that i will find a job and that i'm here because i chose this fate. the roller coaster is my life; life is a fast dizzying game; life is a parachute jump; it's taking chances, falling over and getting up again; it's mountaineering; it's wanting to get to the very top of yourself and to feel angry and dissatisfied when you don't manage it.

it isn't easy being far away from my family and from the language in which i can express all my feelings and emotions, but, from now on, whenever i feel depressed, i will remember that funfair. if i had fallen asleep and suddenly woken up in a roller coaster, what would i feel?

well, i would feel trapped and sick, terrified of every bend, wanting to get off. however, if i believe that the track is my destiny and that God is in charge of the machine, then the nightmare becomes something thrilling. it becomes exactly what it is, a roller coaster, a safe, reliable toy, which will eventually stop, but, while the journey lasts, i must look at the surrounding landscape and whoop with excitement."

i'm glad i found this book at this point in my life when i've been having a sorta roller coaster ride of my own. but then again i've always believed that our lives are always beset with ups and downs and we just live through the motions each day.

it's great to find a book which almost details what you feel and how you go about it and offers wisdom to deal with it. i admire Maria, the lead character, a young Brazilian woman who was brought to Switzerland supposedly to work as a dancer but ended up on the streets and working as a prostitute. she seems really sexy and gorgeous, and witty and strong while fighting her own demons like any seemingly weak woman out there as well.

i could read her diary over and over again and still see new light each time. and even if i wake up feeling gloomy one day, i'd only reach out to the book read some excerpts and feel great about reminiscing those times when we did have that one great love we know we'd never regret having and being thankful for that moment when we we're genuinely happy. after all, in this crazy world, being happy even for a day is already a miracle in itself....sigh....

and did i tell you that this book is oh so steamy, hot, hot too?!!! Eleven minutes is theoretically the actual time that sex happens. and this is what people think most about all the time. a mere eleven minutes hahah! but then the challenge is how to make that eleven minutes extend up to eternity. and that could only be achieved with love...oh well...

this book also details the journey of a woman who's slowly finding her own sexuality leading to her happiness. and how her profession has taught her a lot about men and how to deal with them. maybe i should be a prostitute then hahaha!!

i'm making this my bible for now. YOU, go read it and be enlightened!!!;)

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