rendered sleepless

imagine the shock of my life when i came home one very early Sunday morning to find out that a man had been murdered inside our building.

we just brought T to the airport that time and after harried goodbyes and well-wishes i was brought home. i was so sleepy and tired and deeply melancholic. and such disturbing news was indeed too much for me to take.

the body was found that Saturday night but they had to wait for the police which eventually came much later that Sunday morning.

i tried to sleep that day in spite of the buzz i'd hear from downstairs. sometimes i would strain the words and hope to understand them all as i drift on and off some fitful sleep.

it became quite a struggle for a couple days. i couldn't decide whether to focus on the fear and the shock or languish in sadness once more.

there were nights when i'd get to sleep early only to be awoken in the middle of night thinking how a man struggled for his life just a few distance from where i am.

i would pass by his room everyday and i can't help but shiver each time.

just this weekend, we had a mass in the building to at least help us be at peace with each one. we had the building and his room blessed and the silly me even went inside the restroom where he had his last breath. it was an eerie feeling but i knew i had to see it and felt what i was like being there.

such a waste of life indeed. but what lies ahead we don't know really anyway. i can't do anything but pray for peace, pray for justice and for the assailant/s' consciences to continue disturbing them from hereon.

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the long nights have made me turn back to my books. i still have a lot of backlogs anyway.

i finally finished reading Kim Edwards' The Memory Keeper's Daughter. Such a poignant family drama about an act one had to keep from his loved one. A secret which eventually affected the actions and reactions of the keeper. I could not help but ask over and over again how a person who's supposed to love you so much can keep such an important detail in your life. i could only sigh in deep regret upon seeing their family fall too distantly apart as the story progresses.

i had to understand the timeline though, and so yeah, maybe times were really so different then and reactions of the people could be well understood. o-kay.

It is heartwarming and heartbreaking and i could not help but shed tears and slam my fists asking "why, why, why??" but well...it ended and i had to tell myself over and over again that maybe it really was for the better. yeah right!


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i'm glad we had the long weekend at least i had enough time to catch up on sleep by daytime when i could not do so at night. but i know i need to readjust soon.

i definitely need more inspiration. to be able to see life with more colors, and love and passion. wearing a groovy rose-tinted glasses could be an option. whatever it takes. a smile, a hug, a gentle shove, whatever.