Monday, January 05, 2009

not just another birthday blog...

i have no idea why i have been having all these morbid thoughts the past days. there's this one nagging question that has been in my mind which is, "if and when i die right now can i ever say that i have lived a good enough life?"

Jesus died on the cross and eventually saved us all from sinfulness at thirty-three. At least we can all say that he was able to fulfill his life's meaning and has lived a good enough life.

and can i say the same for myself?

i have nothing to leave on but Xan, and i can't even say I'm a good enough mom for him.

am i ever a good enough daughter? sister? friend? lover?

am i even a good enough person?

adding another year makes me think about that. and it just sucks evaluating one's self as each year passes especially when i am not even able to answer it substantially.

oh darn it, tomorrow i'd just want to dance the night away and lose myself in the moment of being alive still.

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