i have no idea why i have been having all these morbid thoughts the past days. there's this one nagging question that has been in my mind which is, "if and when i die right now can i ever say that i have lived a good enough life?"
Jesus died on the cross and eventually saved us all from sinfulness at thirty-three. At least we can all say that he was able to fulfill his life's meaning and has lived a good enough life.
and can i say the same for myself?
i have nothing to leave on but Xan, and i can't even say I'm a good enough mom for him.
am i ever a good enough daughter? sister? friend? lover?
am i even a good enough person?
adding another year makes me think about that. and it just sucks evaluating one's self as each year passes especially when i am not even able to answer it substantially.
oh darn it, tomorrow i'd just want to dance the night away and lose myself in the moment of being alive still.