trauma

i never thought it could happen to me or to us, not in my own town, in my own neighborhood and definitely not on my effin birthday.

we were havin such a great time on our night out, we were walking home when three men on a scooter stopped us at some darkened intersection cocked out a gun and threatened that if anyone of us moved or screamed someone would get hurt.

some guy grabbed me then went to my nieces and nephews to get their celphones and belongings. one of my nephews ran supposedly to get help but no one was around.

i had the presence of mind to throw my phone on the ground before the guy got to grab my pouch which contains the camera charger and some lipgloss and 50 bucks .

i had the rest of my money on my pocket.

there were some padyak drivers around the corner but they were not able to stop those guys on the scooter.

my niece screamed but i guess it was not enough.

they still got away with some of our belongings. i really just wanted to get the cam's memory card and sim cards back.

just the same i'm still glad we are all safe. i don't think i could ever forgive myself if anyone of my nieces and nephews got hurt. ****ngina 16-23 years old lang sila. ako na pinakamatanda and they were all my responsibility.

some birthday indeed.

just this afternoon the pressure cooker exploded almost on my face i had to step in the shower for a long time if only to soothe whatever burns i could have.

i'm still trembling. we are still in shock.

it's been hours and i still can't get over those images of how frightened we were. i couldn't even go to the kitchen or the restroom alone lest i'd see the image of the holdupper toting his gun.

i've been reading and rereading the many text greetings i got for today, read all the wishes and blessings and asked myself whatever happened to them prayers. i could only surmise that things could have been worse for us. someone could have been hurt or even killed. i can only say that the prayers and wishes actually worked on my favor and i cannot help but feel grateful to everyone.

i still can't believe how blessed i am. and even though there is still that gnawing fear in me i just can't help but marvel at the warmth of those prayers.

i was telling my niece, who was as frightened as i am, (darn it she's only 17!), that no matter how common or prevalent these incidents are it's still not the same when you experience it first hand.

that even if they didn't get anything at all, the trauma is still magnanimous.

i look back and yeah, we outnumbered them, we could have fought back or kicked and screamed. but what if some gun went off and one of us got killed. it is still never worth it.

i already miss our digicam. i could have been uploading pics already. we had so much fun, we had a lot of wacky poses there. it still has most of Xan's baby pics in it and most of the memorable moments for the past 2-3 years.

oh well, those were just materials things. i hope that these people could burn in hell right this very moment. and i hope that too they couldn't sleep a wink for the rest of their God-forsaken lives!