7 things i wish for 2007

am not so good at keeping resolutions so i'll just list a few wishes for the new year to come.

1. 15,000 miles. i hope to accumulate at least that in my Mabuhay Miles to at least take me to Singapore or wherever. So far I have 12000 plus. Yey!

2. 4 + 1. being the wanderlust that i am i hope i could travel to 4 interesting spots around the country and at least one abroad. don't really care whether it's work related or Pex sabit. waah!


3. 50K. with how much i earn and spend a month i wish to have this modest savings by the end of the year. i wish! i wish!


4. 50% off. i've been maxing my credit cards left and right and the interests i pay every month are just outrageous. i really wish i could just throw them out the window or lock it out for good. sigh.


5. 100 lbs. i really wish to keep my weight down to at least a 100 lbs. am barely 5' it wouldn't look good if i become overweight. that would spell then a regular trip to the gym and not to the kitchen har-har.


6. 100%. someday soon i just want to be a full time mom to my growing bebi Xan. who's really turning into a bebi no more. sniff.

7. The One. hmmm...i don't know how to describe this. i'll just leave it to my Maker. Prays.

Have you any wish too???

christmas in our home

haay, Christmas here is always spent in a flurry. i went out and had to do my last minute shopping bleh! turned out my friends are meeting at zoey's with their kids so ninangs can give their gifts too so i brought Xan and had to buy a gift for an inaanak as well. Xan got really excited with all the confusion at the store hahah! then i met an ex at jobee and we go together to zoey to meet the rest.

wow, for once we had zoey all by ourselves heheh...

well anyway, we finished eating and chitchatting and had to go rush out again for the shopping, finally!

we get home around 7pm and ohhh smelled good there. Mama finished cooking the pata tim and the fruit cake is all laid out. then we set the table around 9pm after wrapping the hurried bought gifts.


we had chicken and pork afritada and roasted chicken and the ham and the leche flan and the mango supreme. oh so yummy!

around 11, we were so sleepy and tired to wait for midnight so we started giving gifts already. Xan was so confused with all the ohhs and ahhs we gave out after receiving the gifts and he shrieked too when he finally got his own.


oh well, i was to sleepy and tired to go out and watch the fireworks i went to our room and slept. heheh...watta kwismas!

the la luz experience

oh yeah, we made it to la luz after all!

twas quite a long drive from ateneo to san juan, batangas. we dropped by candelaria to have lunch at an officemate's house and feasted on a pork dish i forgot what it's called and fried tilapia. hmmm! namnam! as my son would say.

we finally arrived in la luz at around 3pm, lazed on the beach a while and ate our snacks which was part of the 800 meal package. haay sarap!

the place looks really great though twas quite far and there was about 4km of unpaved, dusty road from the main highway. good thing we had a car. it would have been a total nightmare had we commuted. phew!

the beach is not that good though as there were rocky portions and the sand is coarse. we later learned from the locals that it was better way back then before typhoons hit the country. sayang.

i had a lot of rashes though because of the jelly fishes which we could barely see. good thing Xan was spared from it. sometimes it's best to just wade in the sand heheh..

the view is indeed really nice. and the facilities are good. food is so yummy, buffet all the way! so all in all our short stay was well worth it. sana makabalik kami! sama tayo next time ha!



more pics here.

pinched...

i have Xan with me now. in fact he's sleeping soundly on our office foor (on his playmat) as i write this.

for once i was really scared i may not be able to get him back from his dad. i had a dream once where i was supposedly walking Xan in the mall with his dad. Then apparently i lost them and never saw them again. I went to his dad's house but his parents told me he wasn't home yet. how i broke down and cried. i woke up all sweaty and in tears. it's indeed every single mom's nightmare.

i was quite apprehensive in bringing him here from the province. i was pretty sure his dad would want to see and borrow him. somehow i allowed him thinking it's also best for Xan to know his dad.

and i didn't want to be greedy.

i didn't want to create more rift between us, his dad and i.

while i waited for them last night a lot of negative thoughts crossed my mind.

what if they would never come?

what if something bad happened?

what if Xan had an accident and is injured?

and so on and so forth...

a taxi finally pulled up in front of KFC where i waited. i almost jumped when i saw them coming out. then Xan was walking slowly holding on to his dad. mighty sweet indeed. then he smiled when he saw me. and smiled to his dad too. i kissed him at once and told him how much i missed him. he just hugged me back.

then something almost heartbreaking happened.

when i carried Xan, he looked to his dad and wanted to go to him and cried. i hugged him tight and his dad told him to stay with me. we said our quick goodbyes and i immediately rode the trike and asked to be taken home.

on the way home i felt so sorry for my son that i could not give him the ideal life he could have. it would be nice if us, his parents stay together and be close as a family. but i don't think i could ever stay in that kind of relationship anymore.

on the one hand, i was happy they did bond and click in the 2-3 days they were together. at least i'm sure Xan had a great time being with him.

sigh.

just really glad Xan is back with me now.

drool

i am currently lusting over this one:



Havaianas Slim Season Size 35-36.

Anyone who can send me this for free or for a fee will really make my Christmas all merry and gay. ;)

sharing Xan

Xan is currently with his dad for a couple of days now. and though i'm a bit apprehensive, i feel much better sharing Xan and making him know his father better. much as i want my son to have a complete family the best that i could do is let them spend some time together and bond.

i am hoping that with this he will feel much more loved having "other" people aside from my family doting on him.

beachy in december

i know typhoon seniang just ravaged my other paradise which is boracay but i don't think this could stop us from trying out the beach for once. our office is actually planning for a Christmas outing in La Luz Resort, Batangas this weekend. weeeh!! i really hope we could push through.

we have yet to process our budget not to mention our salaries so we could all go. am really excited. and yes, of course, Xan, my little el viajero is coming with us too.
wow, i hope to post real pics here soon. wish us luck! ;)

tainted frailties

i just heard one of the saddest news today. apparently, the adopted daughter of our colleague is six months pregnant...

she's just 16...

and she doesn't know who the father is.


i was too stunned for a while i wasn't able to react at once. then i had goosebumps and i almost felt the tears starting to well up. yeah, motherhood may have softened me up a bit but news like this is just really hard to take. we know it happens everywhere but we still get shocked when it hits right home.

often we ask ourselves what is indeed happening with the world today?

i've been scanning my niece's friendster and there's one other girl actually showing off her bulging tummy. i learned she is but 17 and has stopped school. yet there she is posing proudly as if being a mother at 17 and single at that is the best achievement a girl could ever have. and yeah, her mom was the one who took the pics.

sometimes i feel that maybe we just watch too many movies and look up to whoever looks sparkly out there. it feels scary that our kids actually watch too much of britney spears.


o dear.

really glad i have a son.

gearing up for a purple christmas

here's our present christmas tree and we are all loving it. for a change, we veered away from the usual all too colorful tree with the reds the blues and the yellows and selected just one theme color. and since i bought all the decors i get to choose the color purple. but of course!

and to match, i had my nails painted purple as well. weehhh!

lost and found image

this pc of mine is about 2 or 3 years old already and am really happy that most of my files we're still saved even after having it reformatted. newei, here's one of the few pics i found hidden in my data disc.



this was taken during my last visit in enchanted kingdom way back 2002, i think.

priceless treasures

i recently got 3 pairs of high heeled shoes from the ukay which i got for 100 bucks a pair. pretty inexpensive though i don't really know what to do with them or when to use them since we don't really get to wear these in the office.



last night though i tried them on and strutted in front of my son and oh how he giggled and laughed as if tickled red. he must have been so amused at how mommy looked so funny wearing high heels in just her shorts and house shirt.




now at least i know of a great way to make use of these shoes hehehe....

Xan Day (as posted on momexchange)

it was only about 9am when i heard people around me saying "mmm! nam-nam! sarap sarap!' i sort of panicked because i might be missing all the food they were having. i immediately tried to pry my eyes open just to see what it was but instead there was no food but my mamang, ate mai, ate bb and ate tata taking turns in trying to wake me up by pretending there was food. my mom wasn't beside me anymore and i tried to look for her but mamang and everyone else was quick to greet me "good morning xanxanboy!" and i had to smile of course. mamang then carried me and brought me to the living room where mommy was sipping coffee. hmm, so this is where the food is. i then took a seat in the dining table with them and ate bits and pieces of rice, scrambled eggs and longganisa. hmmm, namnam talaga!

around 10am mom brought me outside to take a bath al fresco which i love so much. yey!



after which my mom puts on my shirt and diapers but i'd be so likot she had to pin me down just to get done. and when i'm all done and fresh looking my mom looks all disheveled up and sweaty hehehe...

1030 i played with my cousins and they let me crawl all over the floor and even practice walking once again!

walk!


11am i got so tired from all the moving around that i fell asleep. zzzz...


12noon, of course i woke up at noon just in time for my favorite daily show Game Ka Na Ba. Mommy lets me sit on my chair in front of the tv and she can just leave me and do whatever she wants while i get hypnotized by Kris.


after which mom fed me my with my favorite cerelac and this time it's brown rice with milk variety. i can already eat anything but she still gives me this because she loves it for herself too. hehehe...

130pm...we were supposed to go to the grocery store but mom still wants to watch Survivor Cook Islands at 2pm so she let me play again and even eat a chocolate cookie!

230pm...i fell asleep while waiting for mom to finish the show. though i've already changed for our gala she set me on the bed and i snoozed again.

330pm...i woke up and we left for the grocery store. but mom stopped by the bank to pay her bills first and i entertained the tellers with my cute chubby smile bleh!

400pm...we're in the grocery picking up some goodies!


5pm...mom hasn't eaten lunch yet so we all trooped to jollibee for some more yummy moments.

Jolly spag moment


700pm...we finally got home since my mom dropped by to ukay once again. i got home really tired and fell asleep on the ride home.

800pm... i woke up and get to drink my milk again. after which i played around and watched tv too.

930pm... mom gave me a warm bath to freshen up.

10pm...i slept once again. haay i'm such a sleepyhead.

1130pm...i woke up since my mom is still not beside me and i hear my kuya ian playing conquer on line again. i got up to watch.


they got annoyed because i want to click on the mouse and the keyboard and play too. so they placed me on my mat and i played with my toys instead.


and i showed them my new antics too!
Close-Open


around 130 i finally felt tired and climbed to bed with my mom there already. she gave me my milk and i tossed and turned while i suck on my milk till i  finally fell asleep. good night, errr good morning world!

too colorful

twas indeed too colorful twas almost blinding.

we were like kids chasing each other on the alleyways. you would wait up for me before we go to our classroom. you would then offer to carry my stuffs.

we were always sitted beside each other. we were always whispering or making signs that we appeared to have our own language.

though people around us suspected, no one really bothered to ask us.




how we bickered when i wasn't home and you called up. or i was wearing something you didn't approve of. or when you cut class again or did not have an assignment.

we even used to meet up every morning on the upper floors whenever we give the excuse that we are checking out the classroms before the flag ceremony. that became our sort of little playground. it was there where we talk about mundane or silly things like the tv show we watched the night before, or what we had for dinner, or how i quarelled with my mom again. it was there where we hurriedly do our assignements we've failed to do then.

it was there where once, you hugged me from behind and thanked me for being there when you needed me the most. and for being there when you just wanted to be with someone who wouldn't ask you for anything.i must have melted in your arms and realized how much that felt good and how much that meant to me then.

but then of course everyone else knew that you were with someone. she was a friend of mine and we would meet up once in a while along the corridors and in school activities. young as i was though it really didn't matter much to me. of course there would be times when i'd ask you about her but you chose not to talk about it. you always just want to talk about you or me or anyone else but what you had with her. everyone else around me told me to let them be or make him choose. but that didn't matter to me much. i just wanted to be with him and why else would we both deprive ourselves of our moments.

call me naive or blind or what. but i was content with it. after all i still had him at my beck and call.

came a time though when i chose to be with someone too. after all we were leaving high school and i sort of realized how much i've spent so much time with you i've failed to notice this guy who i've gotten close too. coincidentally he was your bestfriend and though on the one hand it was supposed to make things better for us all since we can all be together and have fun however things only became more complicated. phew! i didn't know loving and being in a relationship could be that hard.

that somehow took a toll in our friendships. you started to stay away from me telling me i should spend more time with your friend and not with him. friends told me that there became a strain in your friendship too. i dunno, everything just became too cloudy. i chose to back away from everyone else. guess it has always been my escape to just stay away from it all.

then came graduation...we didn't speak a long time then you gave me a letter. it was not just an ordinary letter. it was written in a binder filler and was more than 10 pages long. it had verses and poems and songs. and it told me how much i mean to you. but you didn't want to hurt your friend or complicate things even more. i remember crying while i was reading that damn thing. we were on a class outing then, i was on the beach and it was really hard to hide my tears.

oh well...a few days after you left for college. then i left too....

youthful madness

read: kakornihan

i chanced upon my high school slumbook while i was rummaging thru my stuffs in my old room. yes, buhay pa sya! it's been almost 15 years and you know, things just came rushing back once i opened up the book i haven't really seen in ages.

anyway, here's a few snippets of our kakornihan:

nah, forget it. it's just too childish and girly. i couldn't believe i actually wrote them hahahaha!!!

just to give you some clues though, i wrote about him as my "candle in the dark" and had our names combined and became DANEL. our song was To Be with You.

then with my first boylet, our names became LANCE. His song for me was Bakit labis kitang Mahal (wahahaha!)

an old classmate of mine called me her "rival in everything" as she was my closest competition in class, and her crush turned out to have a crush on me. (wattalyf!)

there were inserts of pictures and doodles and poems and quotes, song lyrics, etc.

sigh. i miss high school.

(i'll post pics soon as my cp is getting way too slow to load)

i chose you

we were in 3rd year high. i was the usual snobbish elitist girl who didn't care much about boys. i had enough troubles already struggling with staying on top and being the best student and leader. i didn't really get to look around and see who's cute or not.

then you came.

you we're a transferee. apparently you were kicked out from your previous school. my apologies for being blunt.

you came into class not bringing anything except for a small binder. i knew then how carefree you must be. but i stared and followed you and stared. there was something about you. yeah, something so familiar about you.

then our teacher introduced you to us as a transferee. as soon as i heard your name i knew at once who you were. you were a classmate in kindergarten. i had vivid images of you. you were kinda chubby then with straight jet black hair in full bangs. i remember getting a glimpse of you standing at the doorway of your store near our school as the jeep i'm riding on passed by it. i remembered your mom who brought you to school everyday. i remembered that we even had a picture taken then. i remembered you.

i remembered rummaging through my stuff for our photo. after all i was determined to get to know you really well. then i found it, kinda yellowed with age yet there was us. i couldn't help but smile.

come election time, i had you nominated as property custodian. i didn't even exactly knew what it meant but i did just the same. of course you lost, after all no one really knew you well. but at least i got your attention and stared at me a bit too.

then i knew school won't ever be the same way again.

for admittedly, i was smitten.

letting go... letting come...

i've dreamed of you twice this week. twas really weird and so vivid i could still remember my lines till now. i told you "am never happy knowing that you're with someone else" how am i supposed to deal with that?

you've been married almost two years now. and though you live just a short ride away we've never seen each other for such a long time. i've never even seen your daughter who's turning 2 soon. i guess i erased any longing to ever see you again the day you walked the aisle on your wedding day. your dad was relieved in declaring i could finally go on with my life now. but have i? will i?

i just learned that you actually named your daughter alexa, my son is alixandro. i remembered we both got surprised upon knowing that and you told me you're hoping that your alex could someday meet my alix. and i was tempted to retort that yeah, so my son could break your daughter's heart too. my bad. that bad.

look who's back!!!

I went to Manila a few months ago and mommy brought me to toy kingdom and made me try out this bike. wow! i can ride a bike. someday soon i will ask for one i could finally take home. ;)

I miss my Mommy and I'm sure Mommy misses me too!!!

ticker madness!!!

here's another one for my dear lil Xan.

a million smiles....

he learned to smile at an early age. and he smiles more often now especially when he just woke up and when he just fed and burped. miss you bbkoy!!!

sleep galore!

Current fave pic...

kahit tulog, may attitude talaga ang anak ko!! hahaha!

After this initial swim i'm pretty sure Xan's gonna be hitting the water more often than he expects.

We brought him to his first swimming outing and he must have felt overwhelmed seeing the very big basin in front of him and "mommy, there's no warm water in the basin"!! but isn't he adorable in his trunks???

I kinda think Xan is getting tired when we force him to exercise and do things. He's only 3 months and we're forcing him to sit, boy, what are we thinking! hehehe..

my Xan is just so far away. my bro sent this to me from his phone. how i wish i was there and he was smiling at me...

i swear, he was holding his bottle! and i could not help but take this pic as he's only 2 months old.

a face any mother would love...

Into Mommyhood

Guess i was quite dragged into this quite unexpectedly but not reluctantly. But then at 30, being able to bring out a child into this world proves to be both exciting and exhilarating. Nevermind if i did not get married, and i don't think i even have any plans at all, selfish as it may seem.

I remember telling my girlfriends then that i'm gonna have my baby by the time i turn 30 "by hook or by crook, even if i'll have to pick up just any guy on the side". heheh, some fantasy huh! thus when i learned i was pregnant at 29, i was both scared and anxious but some naughty smile escaped me remembering those in/famous last words.

right now though, there's nothing much that is on my mind but seeing my Xan, being with him, answering his every whims and call. this brat has become a willing slave to a little tyke. this vain me could not help but forego eyeing those nice pair of jeans for my xan's cutesy rompers or carrier. I have even given up my latte fixes in favor of formulas and diapers and wipes. hell, i may even have to give up my job! but who really cares. there is indeed such a thing as foregoing the good things for the better ones. that sacrifice entails more noble results. that bringing my Xan to this world could be the best thing i could do to this life.

wow, one month old na me!!! 

why in the world am i wearing this??? 

when i grow up i want to be a boxer. 

kulit ni mami sleep nga ako eh! 

mami, san tyo gimik??? let's go!! 

isn't he the cutest???!! 

sa likot nya minsan nkatagilid na... 

tulog lang ng tulog...