still hooking up?

these past few months i've been hearing one sob story after another over failed relationships. what's more heartbreaking is that these relationships actually lasted for more than 5 years. i dunno, maybe speed dating and whirlwind romances could just be the thing now???

here's some of their stories:

-friend no. 1 and her bf are supposed to get married last december. they have been together for 9 years. however the guy met someone else and asked the gf for a cool off. what's a cool off anyway? tipong pagod na ako pahinga muna tayo at try sa iba? well, the gf tried hard to make it work just the same. even begged her bf to stay, nevermind if the guy sees both of them still. duh! but the guy was keen on staying away and chased after this other girl. oh well, the marriage date was of course cancelled.

-friend no. 2 was with her bf for 7 years before getting married. they we're together for 4 years till one day they fought really hard and he almost strangled her to death. although they' ve fought occasionally he was never violent till that time. she feared for her life that she ran away and left him. she vows to never go back to him and even filed a police report on the incident. a tro was subsequently issued to the guy.

-friend no. 3 is with his gf for 6 years. they even lived together for while till his gf left for another country last year. early december she confessed she met someone new. the bf of course was devastated but what can he do? now he has to face the daunting task of disposing the ref, tv, and other furnitures they own as a couple. drat!

i'd like to believe that maybe it's just a phase they are going to. that maybe somehow they will still be able to patch things up. but i can't help but surmise that maybe it's just how things are sometimes. my sister is telling me that Satan may actually be working double time to wreak havoc on relationships. oh well...

talking about these situations however have been greatly helping me look away from my own situation.it has helped me keep afloat in this sea of brokenness. we even tried to look for really happy relationships around us and could sadly pinpoint but a few. really sad indeed.

the question now is whether to believe in the power of love just the same or remain cynical and wary about it. although i admit about feeling giddy and excited about the prospect of going out and maybe finding someone new i still am doubtful that any of these could really lead to something good. ayayay...

how about you, would you still choose to hook up just the same???

10 years of what???

i was at ym with a long lost college friend yesterday and it both occured to us that it's actually been 10 years ago since we graduated from college (yeah, am that old!) we excitedly talked about a grand reunion, at least for us orgmates as there's no news yet for a university-wide one.

deep inside though i felt this pang of shame telling her that i'm still inside the walls of our school. hell yeah, am at my comfort zone and i'm finding it really hard to get out. the same way that i prefer to cling to my family more than ever.

as i was walking out from our office later that day i sort of became depressed thinking what i've done and what i've accomplished for the past 10 years. it may seem ironic that though most of my high school friends consider how much of a success i am i still am a nobody when compared to my college mates. but what's a "nobody" anyway? i think of what i have and all i can boast of are the photos i've collected through the years, the number of books mostly novels and self helps i got from book sales and some from specialty shops, and some mileage accumulated from all my travels. darn, what's to count anyway. my bank account's not much to speak of. i've a lot of credit card bills though. waaaahh! i feel so poor!

come to think of it, my job has led me to a lot "good" people who claim that i have touched their lives and have given them enough inspiration. maybe i'll just have to bank on that for now. yeah right!

back to reality

sigh. am back here in manila again. back to living in my suitcase and some other stuffs in boxes as i still "squat" here in our office.

the flight went on pretty smoothly though i barely had enough sleep since my Xan was in his usual aswang mode and preferred to stay up till almost 5am that day.


i even had to wake him up around 8am before i left. my so obedient Xan stirred, sat up and gave me his sweetest smile. never mind if i roused him from deep sleep. i am truly blessed.

great thing i had a good book with me, mitch albom's for one more day which was really a good companion.

oh darn, my things here in the office are still messed up and i still feel like sleeping some more and my body still aches from all that wave wrestling we had.

but this is only the start of my new year here at work. just have to give myself some more "me" time and "work" time and just keep myself busy and amused.

before i knew it, i'll be riding that plane again to take me back home into my Xan's arms. bliss!;)

Baby no more

my son just turned one last sunday. i've a baby no more. it seemed like days ago when i learned i have him and walked around with a bulging tummy. how time really whizzes by.

it seemed like yesterday when i would be up till late when he cries and coos till i nurse him to sleep. now all he does is run around and swings his toys like crazy till his eyelids droop.

sooner or later this baby will be charging out the door and into the streets.

i miss my baby.

last year...

(To celebrate my Xan's bday today, I'm reposting this entry which i posted to our Pex forum. Haay, so good to reminisce lang)


I was due feb.1 or late january but it was only jan. 14 around 530am nung nagising ako at parang may nagloosen na buto sa hips ko. then i felt na parang naiihi ako, i was sleepy so i held it down for a while kaso nag trickle na yung water so i slowly got up and went to the bathroom downstairs. dahan2 ako naglakad while controlling the water. i made it through the restroom and peed, ang tagal hehehe...i went back to my room, water was still trickling. i woke my mom up na . medyo nataranta din sya, got up at once and woke my niece up. kami lang kse sa bahay. i was lying on my side sa bed. then my mom told me, baka d pa yan. minsan daw kse a week after pa lalabas. i got her fon tinext ko mga kilala sis ko at friend ko na gustong sumama sa hosp (med tech kse sya) then i timed my contractions. mga 5 mins apart pa lang.i was dictating to my niece what bag to use, what to bring. d ako handa!! i even asked my mom kung klangan na pumunta sa hosp. bat daw sya tinatanong ko. heheh


around 7 nagpatawag na ako taxi. i was wearing pa din my daster na basa na. nahihiya pa ko sa driver kse nabasa seat nya. pagdating sa hosp ni IE na ko and told me 4cm pa lang. ni shave na ko then told me to wait lang. i wasn't adviced to walk or move around. ask ko lang kung ok lang nman mag text heheh... i texted everyone. my bro texted back to say "good luck". i was wheeled to my room to wait. i was told na pag medyo nai-ebs ako at masarap na umire then it's time na.

Yun, masakit na, masarap umire. para kang nai-ebs nga. i called na the nurse. i was wheeled back to the delivery room. tapos sabi 8cm na ako. dpat 9cm pa. My feet we're up on the stirrups. the nurse and the doc were in front of me nag chichikahan.i would whimper during contractions pero d ako sumisigaw, shy ako eh heheh...my bestfriend was there with me holding my hand. sobrang sakit na i got my legs from the stirrups and laid on my side, grabe ang sakit, i vomited. yes, i pooped din. sabi ng doc it's ok to poop kse kasunod daw bebi na lumabas. about an hour later 8cm pa din. liit na tummy ko and yet ang taas pa ni bebi. my doc suggested for me na mag CS. bulong ko sa frend ko sana normal din lang ang bayad heheh...tapos i asked pa my mom sa labas kung ok lang cs ako ayoko kse talaga. then nag decide na ko. i was rushing the doc na kse sobrang sakit. kaso someone else was scheduled na sa operating room so they have to refix it para mauna ako. I was wheeled there i was on my knees, pina pa straighten ako ng doc for the anesthesia ayoko gumalaw, pinilit nya ako, sinakyan para madrecho then inserted somthing sa back ko. then i felt numb na. then nag panic ako kse i couldn't breath, gusto ko sumigaw walang sound. i prayed na lang na mag pass out ako. yun, i woke up tapos na daw. i couldn't move. i slept for hours and hours. yun... then my doc told me na buti namadali kse nag cord coil pala bebi ko at nakatingala sya, his chin was up kaya nakaharang d sya makalabas agad. ang tagal daw makaiyak kse stressed na sa loob, and boy he's big at 7.18lbs! heheh...now i've my 4 month old bebi Xan.

prepping up for another celebration

the past months have really been crazy for our household most particularly our kitchen. we've been planning and preparing one party after another since most of our birthdays fall along with the holidays too. and now that my son is being added to the list too we are now busy preparing as well for his first birthday.

really great as we've been really excited celebrating his big day that we've celebrated mini birthdays every month as a sort of practice and countdown. we can't wait!!!

my greatest gift

the little boy in my manger.

blocked from view

after all the fireworks and the revelries taking place last holidays my birthday which is coming up in a few days may all be just a pfft. who cares for another celebration anyway when it's already the time to lose all the fats we've had and recover the sleep lost for all that partying. o well..

and guess what, my son's birthday is coming up soon too and i go on with the hassles of giving him a big anough bash trampling on my own birthdate along the process. ayay!

but what's a birthday anyway? it's just adding another year, counting more passed days, going through collected photos and events, welcoming more wrinkles and all that comes along with aging. who cares if am gonna be 31 soon.

yeah, 31!!! it's ok, my son's turning one too. at least it would be so much easier to compute our age gap heheh...

Baked Pork Ribs for New Year

since my bro brought tons of seafoods from Zamboanga for our media noche, i opted to prepare meat as my share. i tried googling for several pork roast and rib recipes and got several ideas from different sites.

Dec. 30, we scoured the supermarket and meatshops for a goodlooking piece of meat and finally settled for a more than a kilo of rib part. when i got home though i forgot at what site i found the recipe that i wanted to follow so i just made out my own. here's what i remembered doing heheh....

ingredients:
pork ribs (uncut)
salt
pepper
all spice powder (mcormick)
calamansi juice
beer

sauce:
200 g. tomato sauce
1/2 cup brown sugar
catsup

procedures:
1. rub meat with salt, pepper and all spice powder.
2. add calamansi juice and about 3 cups of beer.
3. marinate for a few hours or up to a day. i let it stand for a day.
4. mix tomato sauce and brown sugar to be used for basting.
4. pre-heat oven up to 220 C.
5. put ribs in a pan along with the stock. bake it for 1 hour and 30 mins. baste it with tomato sauce and brown sugar every 30 minutes.
6. Turn the meat over and let it bake for another 30 minutes.
7. remove meat from the pan and mix remaining stock with the remaining tomato sauce and brown sugar mixture and add catsup. let it boil for a while. use this as sauce/ topping for the meat. yummy!

Happy eating!

7 things i wish for 2007

am not so good at keeping resolutions so i'll just list a few wishes for the new year to come.

1. 15,000 miles. i hope to accumulate at least that in my Mabuhay Miles to at least take me to Singapore or wherever. So far I have 12000 plus. Yey!

2. 4 + 1. being the wanderlust that i am i hope i could travel to 4 interesting spots around the country and at least one abroad. don't really care whether it's work related or Pex sabit. waah!


3. 50K. with how much i earn and spend a month i wish to have this modest savings by the end of the year. i wish! i wish!


4. 50% off. i've been maxing my credit cards left and right and the interests i pay every month are just outrageous. i really wish i could just throw them out the window or lock it out for good. sigh.


5. 100 lbs. i really wish to keep my weight down to at least a 100 lbs. am barely 5' it wouldn't look good if i become overweight. that would spell then a regular trip to the gym and not to the kitchen har-har.


6. 100%. someday soon i just want to be a full time mom to my growing bebi Xan. who's really turning into a bebi no more. sniff.

7. The One. hmmm...i don't know how to describe this. i'll just leave it to my Maker. Prays.

Have you any wish too???

christmas in our home

haay, Christmas here is always spent in a flurry. i went out and had to do my last minute shopping bleh! turned out my friends are meeting at zoey's with their kids so ninangs can give their gifts too so i brought Xan and had to buy a gift for an inaanak as well. Xan got really excited with all the confusion at the store hahah! then i met an ex at jobee and we go together to zoey to meet the rest.

wow, for once we had zoey all by ourselves heheh...

well anyway, we finished eating and chitchatting and had to go rush out again for the shopping, finally!

we get home around 7pm and ohhh smelled good there. Mama finished cooking the pata tim and the fruit cake is all laid out. then we set the table around 9pm after wrapping the hurried bought gifts.


we had chicken and pork afritada and roasted chicken and the ham and the leche flan and the mango supreme. oh so yummy!

around 11, we were so sleepy and tired to wait for midnight so we started giving gifts already. Xan was so confused with all the ohhs and ahhs we gave out after receiving the gifts and he shrieked too when he finally got his own.


oh well, i was to sleepy and tired to go out and watch the fireworks i went to our room and slept. heheh...watta kwismas!

the la luz experience

oh yeah, we made it to la luz after all!

twas quite a long drive from ateneo to san juan, batangas. we dropped by candelaria to have lunch at an officemate's house and feasted on a pork dish i forgot what it's called and fried tilapia. hmmm! namnam! as my son would say.

we finally arrived in la luz at around 3pm, lazed on the beach a while and ate our snacks which was part of the 800 meal package. haay sarap!

the place looks really great though twas quite far and there was about 4km of unpaved, dusty road from the main highway. good thing we had a car. it would have been a total nightmare had we commuted. phew!

the beach is not that good though as there were rocky portions and the sand is coarse. we later learned from the locals that it was better way back then before typhoons hit the country. sayang.

i had a lot of rashes though because of the jelly fishes which we could barely see. good thing Xan was spared from it. sometimes it's best to just wade in the sand heheh..

the view is indeed really nice. and the facilities are good. food is so yummy, buffet all the way! so all in all our short stay was well worth it. sana makabalik kami! sama tayo next time ha!



more pics here.

pinched...

i have Xan with me now. in fact he's sleeping soundly on our office foor (on his playmat) as i write this.

for once i was really scared i may not be able to get him back from his dad. i had a dream once where i was supposedly walking Xan in the mall with his dad. Then apparently i lost them and never saw them again. I went to his dad's house but his parents told me he wasn't home yet. how i broke down and cried. i woke up all sweaty and in tears. it's indeed every single mom's nightmare.

i was quite apprehensive in bringing him here from the province. i was pretty sure his dad would want to see and borrow him. somehow i allowed him thinking it's also best for Xan to know his dad.

and i didn't want to be greedy.

i didn't want to create more rift between us, his dad and i.

while i waited for them last night a lot of negative thoughts crossed my mind.

what if they would never come?

what if something bad happened?

what if Xan had an accident and is injured?

and so on and so forth...

a taxi finally pulled up in front of KFC where i waited. i almost jumped when i saw them coming out. then Xan was walking slowly holding on to his dad. mighty sweet indeed. then he smiled when he saw me. and smiled to his dad too. i kissed him at once and told him how much i missed him. he just hugged me back.

then something almost heartbreaking happened.

when i carried Xan, he looked to his dad and wanted to go to him and cried. i hugged him tight and his dad told him to stay with me. we said our quick goodbyes and i immediately rode the trike and asked to be taken home.

on the way home i felt so sorry for my son that i could not give him the ideal life he could have. it would be nice if us, his parents stay together and be close as a family. but i don't think i could ever stay in that kind of relationship anymore.

on the one hand, i was happy they did bond and click in the 2-3 days they were together. at least i'm sure Xan had a great time being with him.

sigh.

just really glad Xan is back with me now.

drool

i am currently lusting over this one:



Havaianas Slim Season Size 35-36.

Anyone who can send me this for free or for a fee will really make my Christmas all merry and gay. ;)

sharing Xan

Xan is currently with his dad for a couple of days now. and though i'm a bit apprehensive, i feel much better sharing Xan and making him know his father better. much as i want my son to have a complete family the best that i could do is let them spend some time together and bond.

i am hoping that with this he will feel much more loved having "other" people aside from my family doting on him.

beachy in december

i know typhoon seniang just ravaged my other paradise which is boracay but i don't think this could stop us from trying out the beach for once. our office is actually planning for a Christmas outing in La Luz Resort, Batangas this weekend. weeeh!! i really hope we could push through.

we have yet to process our budget not to mention our salaries so we could all go. am really excited. and yes, of course, Xan, my little el viajero is coming with us too.
wow, i hope to post real pics here soon. wish us luck! ;)

tainted frailties

i just heard one of the saddest news today. apparently, the adopted daughter of our colleague is six months pregnant...

she's just 16...

and she doesn't know who the father is.


i was too stunned for a while i wasn't able to react at once. then i had goosebumps and i almost felt the tears starting to well up. yeah, motherhood may have softened me up a bit but news like this is just really hard to take. we know it happens everywhere but we still get shocked when it hits right home.

often we ask ourselves what is indeed happening with the world today?

i've been scanning my niece's friendster and there's one other girl actually showing off her bulging tummy. i learned she is but 17 and has stopped school. yet there she is posing proudly as if being a mother at 17 and single at that is the best achievement a girl could ever have. and yeah, her mom was the one who took the pics.

sometimes i feel that maybe we just watch too many movies and look up to whoever looks sparkly out there. it feels scary that our kids actually watch too much of britney spears.


o dear.

really glad i have a son.

gearing up for a purple christmas

here's our present christmas tree and we are all loving it. for a change, we veered away from the usual all too colorful tree with the reds the blues and the yellows and selected just one theme color. and since i bought all the decors i get to choose the color purple. but of course!

and to match, i had my nails painted purple as well. weehhh!

lost and found image

this pc of mine is about 2 or 3 years old already and am really happy that most of my files we're still saved even after having it reformatted. newei, here's one of the few pics i found hidden in my data disc.



this was taken during my last visit in enchanted kingdom way back 2002, i think.