dealing with pain

i watched Juno tonight and i just find it really good and heartwarming. i actually cried on the last part (dang, why am i always crying over movies i watch??).

but this time i knew so well why i cried...

ok, this won't be easy for me. it's not like i get to show all the time how wimpy i could be.

well, i'm due for a tooth extraction soon. not that i'm scared of my dentist. i have regular prophylaxis, i've even had a root canal treatment once. and my current dentist who's my high school classmate is actually good at making me feel easy and comfortable on the chair. but i dunno why i got so jittery with this prospect of having a tooth pulled out once more. but then again it has been ages since the last one. i could actually wait up for summer when i get home for this procedure but another part of me is making me push myself and just go on with this one.

i have been thinking about this for weeks now just that i am sort of biding my time. this morning i went to a dentist nearby and asked for an appointment. i have called last week and was decided to do it today, i knew someone is in duty yet i still went there acted as if i'm just interested for an appointment. i sort of changed my mind and had it rescheduled instead for the next day.

I have always believed that i have a higher tolerance for pain. that i have always been able to control, take care of myself. that i could take in anything whether it's good or bad, pleasurable or not.

just that this time, i don't know why, i'm just feeling oh so freaked out. i even texted my mom to say that "i'm going to have a tooth extracted. i am scared".

i had quite a hard time blurting it out to people that i am indeed scared of my coming appointment. it was just a sort of acknowledgment to what i was really feeling.

i cried while watching Juno because i realized how petty my fear is as compared to what other people are actually experiencing and what i have been through in the past.

i cried because i remembered i once gave birth too (yeah, i sometimes i need to be reminded of that). and my, that one wasn't one easy labor. i was in pain for like 4 hours as contractions came in, i was well-dilated as the doctors said (oops, TMI!) but Xan just refused to cooperate as if he didn't want to come out as easily. i was near faint, i was vomiting and pissing all over and hell, he just didn't want to budge a bit that they had to decide to cut me up.

hehe, i was asked several times if i could just go opt for a CS and all i could say was " ask my mom" the doctors must be having the time of their life when they heard that.

indeed they had to go ask my mom who was waiting nervously outside and just gave the go signal. so there, i got cut up right before the anesthesiologist had to wrestle with me so i could get my spine shot.

"injection lang ang masakit, everything else will be ok"

sigh. i so love my mom. that was her reply to my text message. even if i've been far away almost half my life, making decisions, fending, bearing everything that i could, i always turn to my mom whenever i want to. and she's just always there.

oh well, at least i had a good cry. i just hope i'll do just fine. i mean i've had a minor operation once, i have a few piercings, i get regular wax jobs, how much pain could i not take?

i'll just get myself a tub of ice cream right after then.