never home alone

had a blast of a party last friday. came home around 5am, whoa! wasn't really that wasted though, after all we had a filling italian meal at amici before proceeding to side bar in el pueblo. and though the cocktails and shooters were at rather measly prices i didn't feel that knocked out at all (diluted? hehe!). went to starbucks metrowalk after, had my usual tall macchiato paired with longsilog which we bought at lugaw republic. nah, i didn't finish all of it as it was to be my one and only meal that following day.

because yeah, i chose to hole up again in my side of the world. enjoying solitude but never really feeling alone. wanting to feel numb but ended up feeling all too emotional for whatever had happened to other people.

spent my supposedly weekend watching hallstrom films and posting on message boards and talking to people. discussing issues which we ought not to have discussed at all as it doesn't really directly concern us. but i believe, as we get closer to people, no matter how far away they are, we get entangled with their businesses, with their lives, without us really noticing it that much. it's not really for the mere fun of it nor because we are just plain usisero (darn it, sana nga ganun lang!) but because we do care. sometimes i just wanna say screw caring for once! and turn back to my indifferent, snobbish self. maybe things would have been easier, more peaceful for me and to everyone of us.

a friend once told me never to pry too much. it's like trying hard to pry open some can, you'll never know if all you'd get are worms in it. eh di pa naman ako marunong gumamit ng abre-lata *bop*! which is exactly why i'm a big fan of those hunt's pork and beans with easy open cans wa-hoo!

oh well, yeah, that should be a lesson for me.

it's at trying times like this when we get to know ourselves and other people better. i'm still so pissed off at white lies, at seeming deceptions. but maybe it's more for my own selfish reasons. somehow i have to have a more open mind as to why people say and do things they opt to say and do. and still manage to get past through it.

i am still insanely human.

but yeah, i am no longer the rock goddess i've always wanted to be. little things affect me already. or maybe i should just stop watching all those over dramatic films. but then again watching other people wallow and yet still manage to triumph from life's adversaries is actually good to keep our hopes up alive.

just the same i'd like to believe that i had a good enough weekend. and am still grateful for everything that took place. and i know i could still carry on for more. gimme more, gimme more (lecheng britney yan na-LSS pa din ako waaah!)

with that i shall all bid you:

"Goodnight, you princes of Maine. You kings of New England.!"

(The Cider House Rules)