:eek: moments

this is a bit overdue but i can't help but laugh about it every time i remember.

Xan is growing into a mischievously sweet boy and i can't help but marvel at his feats every now and then. these are icky moments though.

one time, i was watching tv in the living room when he came up holding something out to me and said, "Mommy, yuck!"

..it was a hardened cat litter which he picked up on the floor. I was mortified and panicked and shouted "Yuck!" to which he shouted back, Yuck!" and smiled his most sheepish,sly smile.

and he also eats his booger haha! i saw him sitting at one corner and picking his nose. I said, "yuck, what are doing?". He became shy but quickly flicked something into his mouth and also said "Yuck!"

So i went on to clean his nostrils using some cotton buds, pero ang bata nakikipag unahan sa pag pick at sinusubo ang kulangot nya! and would tease me again by exclaiming, "yuck!"


I told my mom about it and she said not to fret too much, my brother did more icky stuff when he was way younger hehehe...

He barely talks still but most of the words he knows aside from "Yuck" is "Wow!" and "Mommy, no-no!".

for the love of Anoop

it was a bit painful watching the AI replay today. Anoop's swan song "Dim all The lights" was actually enjoyable to watch. too bad he had to leave *sniff-sniff*.

Matt Giraud should have left last week, he's still terrible. i first noticed him when he sang "You Found Me" but i detest him now for having been saved and making Anoop leave now. not that i'm so sure about it hehe. indulge me, i'm just one bitter fan.

i remember Anoop when he auditioned wearing shorts and slippers/sandals. he looked so cool and relaxed but his voice was just intense. there were times when his song choices became a bit boring weeks later but i still love his personality, so calm so mild-mannered.

i'd want a son like him, save maybe for the chosen RnB/soul genre.

i still dunno why i watch AI season after season knowing that the winner would most likely go commercial and mainstream right after. i still love Daughtry till now though. and i hope more singers from AI would go the rock/alternative route. but then again this is not Rockstar, okay.

right now i don't have any clear bets anymore. Adam is good, exceptional but there's just something about him which i find off. and no more screaming, screeching please. Kris is so pa cute, so ordinary. I just might root for Allison then if only she could change that annoying hair style. well there's still a few more weeks and we will all know who it's going to be.

back to Anoop, if i have a daughter i'd like her to meet someone like him. (haha nanay na nanay talaga ang dating)

drowning myself in jologsness

rushed up the three flights of stairs to my home last night to catch the American Idol performance night only to find out that it's been delayed a full 30 minutes. oh well, there's still All About Eve at 10pm and Fated to Love You, a Chinovela right after that. I caught a bit of Ang Babaeng Hinugot sa Aking Tadyang (what a title!) and couldn't think how could a mother name her child Proserfina haha!

Well, heto na nga ang sked ko lately na naka alarm pa sa phone ko. especially live airings of Amazing Race on Mondays at 8am in Studio 23. Back home in Iligan i got to catch the dramarama sa hapon on GMA with my mom and watched Tarzariray with the Sex Bomb Girls haha! Grabe ang producers ng show nila, di ko na nga mabilang kung pang ilang season na iyan. Kung ano ano ng roles pinapagawa sa kanila. Here, Rochelle portrays a taong-gubat complete with long, unkempt hair, tattered dress and cloth sandals/footwear. i wonder what they could think of next? hmmm....

All About Eve on primetime though is another thing. It's a Filipinized Koreanovela which i got to catch too years ago hihihi...ang cute ni Nicole doon at sobrang nakakaasar si Erika. This Filipino version is starred by Isa Calzado who i love dearly, and Sunshine Dizon as the detestable Erika. Ang galing ng casting, at ang ganda ganda ni Isa as Nicole . And Mark Anthony Fernandez is adorable as their Prince Charming. Hihi i can't help but giggle.

Sadly, natanggal na yung fave ko sa AI sniff-sniff. The results show will still be aired tonight but i couldn't help myself but peek online. oh well...

I'm still looking forward to my favorite shows on local TV each night. and i would like to enjoy this moment which makes me as normal like everyone else.

yellow

i want a yellow swimsuit this rainy summer.

why does it have to start raining so soon? my skin ain't even sunkissed yet.

i remember back in college, i'd paint my nails yellow when the rains would start coming.

i want something sunny and warm.

i'm hating all this gloom.

i still have a caramoan trip next weekend.

i really still want to go back to bora.

i still want more summer trips.

i want my sun!

from the groom's sister

almost 20 pairs of principal sponsors
12 pairs of bridesmaids and groomsmen
200 expected guests

i didn't know it was going to be this big. when i first talked to my mom about this wedding, she said it will be in a smaller church so it would be a bit solemn. i was thinking it will just be at least a hundred close friends and family. but well oh well...

the entire family is excited and has caught up with the frenzy of preparing for what could be the first major wedding in the family. the first, because both our elder sisters married in a haste, i don't really know why. maybe they thought we were bound to stop them weheheh...

i find it such an enjoyable thought that we will all be involved in this major family activity and be allowed to preen and dress up to the nines. what's more important and heartwarming though is the fact that it makes me mighty proud that my brother is actually making this major leap in his life. and we are all grateful that she has found this girl who is finally able to match his eccentricities, his unique desires. she is indeed one special girl. i still have to know her more but so far it makes me happy how she's making my brother really happy. she's more than a decade younger than my brother but the age gap seems to work well for both of them. i find it extra enjoyable too how we'll both hear the fusion of 80s music with the emo/pop hits on the wedding reception !

so later is going to be an all day long affair starting at an 8am call time for our hair and make up and pictorials and video sessions. the wedding mass is at 2pm to be followed by a garden reception till the early evening. there is still another dinner party at both our house and the bride's. and oops, the entire family along with some more relatives and friends will be going swimming the following day, sunday. more food, more party indeed.

cheers to the would-be newly weds. love is grand indeed!

kumpisal

forgive me father for i have sinned, nanood po kasi ako ng pirated DVD ng Wolverine: x-men origins. oh so sorry, i couldn't help it, malinaw po kasi ang kopya at hindi sine-copy, yung usual na kuha mula sa sinehan at may dumadaan daan pang tao o kaya may maririnig kang tumatawa. sabi ng pamangkin ko, ayos lang daw kahit ganun basta ang naririnig na side comments eh i-slang naman weheheh...well, eto, wala talaga as in parang original DVD sa halagang kuwarenta pesos lamang, saan ka pa!

the catch is, it's still the unedited version. sabi ng brother ko, ninakaw daw ang master copy nito at ito na nga ang naikalat. meron ng mga na upload sa internet pero mas madami nga ang nakopya. talamak na nga talaga piracy sa buong mundo. blame it on the chinese haha!

anyway, back to the movie, ayoko magbigay ng spoilers siyempre sapagkat ninanais ko pa siyang panoorin sa sinehan, kelan ba ito ipapalabas? ang napanood ko ay kita pa ang mga tali ng bida, kita pa yung mga raw computer generated graphics, nung nasagasaan ang isang bida eh parang karton lang yung pinakita. puti pa halos ang mga background, parang black and white drawings lang hehe. yan na nga po ata ang kaparusahan ko, sana naman.

kasama na pala dito si Gambit played by Taylor Kitsch, honestly hindi ko siya kilala. i was thinking of someone more gaunt, of a more sinister actor, oh well.

panoorin ko po siya uli sa sine, pramis.

amen.

lent

scenes of Jesus' crucifixion and death never fails to make me cry.
makes me feel as if his pains and sufferings were mine as well.
should be though, especially if we all believe that he
indeed died for us.

i'm glad Studio 23 aired the story of Judas and Jesus, reminds me of
what the holy week should be about or at least what we should reflect on. or
the kind of shows we used to watch back in the day.

when we were a lot younger holy week was observed for the entire week.
no loud music or loud voices, we can't go out of the house, no meat on the table.
there are no other shows on TV except for Bible-inspired shows as The Ten Commandments, Jesus Christ Superstar, etc.

now it's just way too different. there's no meat only on fridays, there's loud music,
endless chatterings and numerous other shows on cable TV plus all the DVDs we could get our hands on. i look forward to 7th Heaven marathons on Studio 23 though. i'd have a hard time ungluing myself in front of the TV once it starts.

it bothers me a bit what kind of holy week tradition Xan can have in his growing years. he has a choice in how he'd want to spend his growing years but it would be nicer if he gets to observe what we had and did then. we didn't exactly enjoyed such limitations as kids but we all appreciate it now that they are mostly gone that we try hard to bring it back.

just this afternoon, after painfully dislodging myself from the marathon, we headed to church for our own Station of the Cross". it was a bit taxing especially since the stations are found around the city streets and we don't exactly know where they are. turned out to be some kind of an Amazing Race minus the race and the clues as to where the next station is. Thus we started with station no. 3 and went through them in no particular order. well as they say, it's the thought that counts eh? and i certainly hope God up there understands.
hey, we did our best!

when we got to church we found more people doing their own stations of the cross inside which was indeed more convenient. i asked my sister why didn't do it there and they told me " para exercise naman!" ahh okay haha!

Xan came home feeling so tired but he seemed to have enjoyed walking around the city
and us mumbling our prayers.

i still hope that somehow we will be able to sustain and feed such traditions even in our own little ways. most often we might forget about what they exactly mean but it is ones faith and the thought of being and having a family that matters the most.

serenity

everything is pretty quiet in my side of the world because i haven't really done much except for spending time with Xan. our day would usually start at around 1 or 2 pm when we'd both wake up. sometimes though he would sleep on longer and i'd read a book or surf or watch mtv while i wait for him. then we'd eat or watch tv some more or go out and walk around the city's streets.

we would stay up till past midnight watching more tv or checking out different fun videos on youtube. he still shrieks like crazy everytime he sees that "whatever kid" and remembered i made his own "whatever vid" years back heheh...

oh, and we went out today for his haircut at his 25-peso barber shop and my boy is just not so little anymore as he sat prim and properly on the high chair. at least he is no longer screaming and squirming like before. way to go, Xan!

laziness is a virtue

this is one thing i hate about staying put, aside from feeling nostalgic i would eventually feel all sorts of pain and discomforts in my body.

i have been told to slow down after complaining from feeling numbness and pain on my right chest, shoulders and arms. i have forgotten i had surgery on that area three years ago and it's reminding me now of that procedure i had then.

i read on the news last night that Jennilyn Mercado was rushed to the hospital "kasi bumuka ang tahi niya"! :Eek: how the heck did that happen? i remember my brother had to stop me from doing sit-ups/crunches even after 6 months when i had Xan. well, i already felt well enough at that time and i didn't know there was going to be any risk factors.

i know i've been sleeping most days lately. i have been almost sedentary because i haven't jogged since the warm air of summer came. but still they say i need to take it easy. i can't carry heavy stuff most especially on my right arm. argh, i don't know how that's going to work. at least i will be going home soon and will be on vacation. but i don't think i could ever stop myself from carrying Xan who is now more than 30 kilos, eh!

i might need to take pain relievers though i'm still a bit hesitant. my eldest sister told me i have been addicted to morphin for a while a few days after my CS operation. nakaka high pala talaga yun hihi.

i'm thinking of other pain management therapies, much as i adore Dr. Gregory House, i don't think i'd ever want to be addicted to vicodin.

i ask my friends around and i could hear a bunch of other health concerns too. yeah, yeah, yeah, signs of aging indeed!

nostalgic

i was just starting to read the first few chapters of Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood and got to that part when the college guy Watanabe was exchanging letters with this girl, Naoki. I stopped and remembered i had some mementos i had from college. i stood up and found myself rereading those letters/scrapbook/test papers which i have saved from home. i became teary-eyed, well yeah, i have changed a lot since i had Xan. tears would well up even at the slightest provocation. heck, i even felt like crying when Jasmine was booted out of Am Idol and i don't even like her!

okay that was a bit of a distraction.

i read my theo reaction papers and was ashamed with what i wrote.

i leafed through my philo exams and missed Thirdy again. Thirdy was my teacher in Philo 101 and 102, yeah, i had a big crush on him more so because he made me fall in love with philo and with the Tagalog dialect. each class with him was like an entire Balagtasan session. i did meet Thirdy again years after college and he proudly showed me his wedding ring, ouch. but he did invite me to visit him in his office and talk Philo with him again sometime. well i never got the chance. those were them rotten days when i was always gallivanting around tsk, tsk.

i read a letter from Mario who was a batch lower but who happened to be one of my closest friends especially because he never called me ate haha! he was more like a partner in crime. he's letter was more of an answer to my birthday card to him which also asked, "kumusta ka?" well, with our penchant for giving out solid answers for this rather simple yet deep question he sent me a 3 page back to back letter recounting his day to day activities. those must be one of those rare times when we were able to catch up with our lives. serendipitously, i happened to catch him walking around campus last year with his then gf now wife, Gemma. thus i was able to catch his wedding a few weeks after that. hadn't it been for that chance meeting i could have missed that great event in his life. awww.

i saw another letter this time from Cherry, it recounted more her days in East Timor when she went there for a mission. i remember she went there after graduation for some soul searching, naks. that time she was contemplating on becoming a nun, but of course she got married to her bestfriend Macoy. I read some parts there where she said she was glad I have forgiven her, well, uhm, i didn't know we fought. Tang, what the hell did i do?? Haha!

then i saw my "something". something is the scrapbook i had when we went into the second sem of our senior year. it is like a logbook where we could write anything and everything in there. i passed it around my friends and they would write/draw/doodle/ write poems/songs whatever. Winfer wrote several notes and poems there. he told me how grateful he was that i was there during the Eheads fiasco. which led me to wracking my brains as to what that was all about? i knew they lost money there. i just forgot why and how.

i read Bambie's letter too ranting more about what must be life without the rest of us from the batch. and he said it must be "one dull day after another"...naks. Bambs, i know you've always wanted to preserve most of our memories by taking so many photos then. i know i said i had some of the negatives with me, and i remember i had them i just don't know where they are now. waah! i still have some snapshots here though. i've scanned some of them and i could send you copies if you want. when i go home again, i'll try to look for them again in my piles and piles of stuff back home. i'm sorry.

Donnie had a rather cute post there, he said that friendships are not supposed to end even if we're all far apart. buti na lang may multiply, ayan we've reconnected haha!

just atop Donnie's note was a caricature from Macoy with words that said, " i've watched sunsets with you and a few sunrises as well. they were the most beautiful sunsets (and sunrises) of my life. i think." sa likod ng Faura, before Prince David and Burgundy were up, we had the most beautiful conversations and reflections there while waiting for the sun to set. those were the goddamn good days indeed.


i miss Doms, my other trusted friend who painstakingly tutored me in math 11 and taught me philo even when we were still in freshman. yeah, Gabay made us study philo for four years hehe. we both worshipped Ayn Rand and followed her principles to the hilt. we were always the outcasts because we preferred going our own ways. i greeted him on his birthday a few weeks ago and he replied with another "kumusta ka?" to which i haven't replied till now. hmm...

Mike P., do you rememeber how they used to call us the "three rotten eggs"? Yikes, Mike P, my poor "soul". I don't think i was ever a good enough "angel" for you.

i recall how we had such grand times. but i regret more how selfish i was. i don't even recall anymore as to what really happened back then. i was so self-absorbed.

i was such a troubled soul and i couldn't even remember why. was it youthful folly? was i homesick? or was i just plain KSP?

i look back and realize how i could have studied more and gotten better grades. but i guess i was more emotional than industrious. i loved studying only the things that truly fascinated me. i only superficially memorized the ones i didn't feel like learning. okay, i'm just justifying my poor grades. well i graduated anyway, what the heck.

i wish i could have been more friendly instead of being indifferent. i could have been warmer instead of being snobbish to people.

but then again i'm glad who i was. i had the greatest friends. the very few who knew me actually understood me, i hope.

i wish i was able to write more letters or notes. i wish i could still have more mementos for me to go through and recall all those great times again.

i wish, i wish...but more than anything else i'm glad i had those things for me to recall all those memories that passed us by.

nine inch nails is coming to manila!

araneta coliseum, qc
august 5, 2009

http://tour.nin.com/

i hope this pushes through.

and more importantly, sana may makasama ako! haha!

i used to love her

so i heard the warrant of arrest had been served and she will have to post bail while the case gets to court.

( pardon me, i'm not so familiar with court procedures. heck, i only lasted one sem of law school thinking i'd only drown myself in the technicalities.)

i am still in awe over what has happened. it has been almost three years after all. i searched for my previous blog posts thinking i might have posted anything about it but found none. now i'm feeling this urgency to create one if only to understand how it all happened. but i realize how difficult recalling those things are now.

the trauma, the drama.

let me just start with a little backgrounder, and nope, please don't make me name names.

we had a co-employee in the office back then. she was considered a bit of an ogress when i first started working. she acted warm and happy when i was around. but i was told that she loved saying stuff about me. threatened? i was barely 22, she was in her 50s. but i don't know how she had considered me a threat.

i've always been indifferent. i'm not the ass-kisser type who'd make pa cute when i need to have something done. i'd get to work, do my stuff and rarely does small talk.

then i heard her say that i'm "mayabang because my mom is a friend of our boss".

i brushed it off. Irrelevant!

then she said,. i'm "mayabang because i'm atenista."

now what the hell! lol!

and because i remained unfazed she said i'm merely mayabang. heheheh.

i didn't really care. instead i found ways to get to know her. i am after all a sucker for older people. i just adore them. in short, binobola ko. "wow, nice dress; nice shoes; naka make-up!" etc...

we somehow became friends for a while. although of course there was always this sense of wariness because i was often reminded by my peers to stand guard. she after all has this very shady character. we were pretty okay for years.

things changed much when i had to announce i was having Xan.

she appeared surprised yet happy for me. gave me a lot of unsolicited advice, even gifts and money. i welcomed it feeling happy that i at least had a mother figure i could rely a bit on. i was vulnerable. i was with child. unwed. emotional.

i felt like i needed every support i could have.

i trusted her amidst all those warnings.

i was supposed to leave work already once the project commenced. my boss was ready to drop me off because of what happened to me. i was after all in a Jesuit-run project and my situation could have an adverse effect on it. i didn't understand it much but i gave in.

i was ready to go.

when i had to take my maternity leave she was reportedly very happy. she would sit on my desk and exclaim how nice that spot was.

then she took over managing a big event for our project.

she wasn't even my assistant.

then i learned that she was also verbally harassing my staff. she fought with one of them and was told "walang modo kasi anak ng OFW."

my assistant was called "asal squatter", to think she lives just a little distance from them.

and of course, i'm special...i was called "immoral". she went around telling old friends and acquaintances about it.

i couldn't even begin to describe the emotions i've had back then. i was so ready to leave my job.

and then my boss asked me to stay. he said they had a change of heart. that they have decided to just forgive me and take me back. i didn't have to leave anymore.

So I stayed.

But more irregularities were found about her.

my boss consulted with the board and his peers. investigations ensued, labor cases were filed, and he just stopped talking and ignored her completely.

she was left in the dark. i believe she doesn't know how she got to where she is now. she could only continue guessing.

i am cringeing at the thought that if she hasn't posted bail then it means she must be behind bars now.

poetic justice indeed.

yeah, i have been immoral. it is a stigma i have to carry on for the rest of my life just like the surgical scar on my tummy where Xan came out. but at least i will only have wonderful dreams about my son.

she can only continue to give us nightmares and bad memories.

and so this is the part when i just want to continue with my GnR song...

but i had to kill her. i had to put her six feet under.

first love never dies

wolfgang: two sides live


music museum

mar. 19, 2009


now i know why i wasn't at the eheads concert, because i was meant to be here!

my initiation into manila's band scene was when we'd bar hop at some of the old jaunts in makati ave. particularly at Kalye and Atrium, i was then a freshman and a fresh promdi as well.

that was where i'd get to meet my first love, basti artadi, yihee!

i was so in love with the vocals, with the music, with the band.

and that was more than 10 years ago, aww and they were virtually unknowns then. as i got introduced to more of the manila sound, and the rigors of school and more of urban living i must have strayed away from the band and sort of forgotten about them. silly me.

i have heard about their reunion and latest activities months ago but never really gave it much of a thought till a friend sent me some mp3s and reminded me of what i must have been missing.

i don't know what you'd call it but it's like being reminded of how i once was, young and carefree and vibrant but pensive and soulful.



i was glad i went there tonight. it felt good listening to, screaming with, and experiencing wolfgang once more.

it's like coming home.

i just feel so envious for the audience who's never left basti's side thus memorizing each line from all of their songs. i wanted to sing along with them too. oh well.

thanks, andrea for the free tickets.

now i'm feeling even more nostalgic. buti na lang binili ko iyung cd. hihi.

i took basti home with me. yi-ha!

ring of fire

Adam Lambert-AI

here is Adam Lambert with Ring of Fire. they say the interpretation is comparable to Dilana's (Rockstar Supernova) version, but Dilana has always scared me hehe, she's more to me like a witch than a rockstar. :p

I'm still ambivalent about Adam though, i don't like his looks, pretty OA. the same way i never liked Lukas Rossi before. I don't really dig the boyish looks in eyeliners and black painted nails appearance but man, i just can't help but swoon with his voice and this rendition. i've listened to this vid so many times over. yup, listened not watched. :p

Anoop Desai- AI

the succeeding video has Anoop Desai with "you're always on my mind...you're always on my mind..." pardon my ignorance, but me the 80's babe have always thought that this is a Pet Shop Boys original haha! so i've learned that this is originally recorded by Brenda Lee, i honestly don't know who she is. This song, Always on my Mind has also been sung and recorded by Elvis Presley and Willie Nelson, among others. and oh, this song is actually a country song! i don't like country but i've always loved this song. more so now. =)

for some reason i could not add text nor edit it lest the codes get tangled up, oh well.

smitten

realization

i've been to so many places here in the country, even the remotest ones as well.
and i've come to realize that wow, the most barbaric women we have are not found on the country side but here in our urban jungle.

precisely on the MRT. on a rush hour.

wow, i've never felt so mobbed.

greatly reminds me of this video from a Japanese show.



oh while at it, you might want to see this as well.



how i pity those who have to brave this situation each and every day of their God-forsaken lives. My gravest sympathy.

can i borrow your dad or a grandpa?

i grew up from a family bereft of male figures. i didn't really get to know my grandfathers.

i lost my dad when i was 18.

i only have one brother.

i've always wondered what it's like being surrounded and taken cared of by men.

i was always with male friends as my barkada. i was one of the boys.

imagine my awe when i saw Clint Eastwood's latest flick, Gran Torino. i can't help but say, "Wow i'd want a grandpa or a dad like him! Cool! "

reminiscent of his Dirty Harry spunk and the muy romantico essence from Bridges of Madison County, Clint Eastwood is a sight to behold here. in this film he is not Clint Eastwood, the actor. He is Mr. Walt Kowalski, the Korean War veteran.

i have no more encouraging words for now, just go watch it. i'm still puffy eyed. it's such a great piece of work. and i'm glad to say that with young people dying these days, falling one by one like flies, this actor and director is still way up there and giving us more movies to watch out for.

held for the stupidest of reasons?

or could they be right after all?

i was not allowed to get into the lrt from cubao to katipunan tonight because i had in my possession two small canisters of butane gas for my stove which i bought at shopwise. they said it could explode inside the train.

so tell me, is there any truth to this?

i've been doing this for almost a year now and it is only now that they have stopped me from getting into the train. grrr! i had to take a cab instead.

i'm not being mayabang here but for the two weeks that i was in Japan and riding their trains everyday, no one bothered to check our bags. there was no queue on the entrance to the turnstiles unlike here where it could get ridiculously long.

are we being too obsessive with our security? or are we just being stupid?

i remember when i was in iligan, at the height of those bombings, i was not allowed to get inside the mall because i had with me my laptop. wtf! so a laptop is now considered dangerous? i asked the security guard why and he could not give me a logical explanation except that he was just following orders. i told him they should just ban mobile phones instead because these are being used as bomb timers anyway, but laptops?
and oh they don't allow ipods and mp3 players as well.

back to the lrt, did you know that you are not also allowed to enter if you are lugging a big travelling bag of a specific dimension with you? like if you want to save and travel to the airport via the trains with your luggage forget it. you'd be most likely denied entry.

there was a girl before who had with her a can of century tuna supposedly for her baon, she was not allowed entry as well bwahaha!

so tell me again, is there a scientific or logical explanations for all this restrictions?

or is this another "onli in the pilipins" thing?