a delayed reaction

it dawned on me a few moments ago that i am indeed in my thirties already.

surprise, surprise! haha!

30 flat was ok. besides i was about to give birth to Xan then so there really was not much to mope about.

31 was still ok. and i was excited seeing Xan turn 1 too.

but as Xan turns two and is no longer a baby, being 32 makes me feel that i am indeed falling deep into my 30s already. before i knew it i'll be nearing 40s soon waaah!

yeah, age is but a number. am not really that worried about it. it's what i've done and accomplished in my entire lifetime which makes me feel a bit small.

and i just read this from mec's blog a while ago that:

...it's really horrible to be thirty and not have confidence that you have much to offer the world.

i've always wanted to go back to school too. not that i want to have more certificates or diplomas. i guess i just want to feel forever smartie (lol!). i remembered having inquired both in admu and up for MA classes but my endless travels made me not pursue them anymore unless i am willing to get 2-3 subjects per semester and finish like forever, if i do finish at all.

being with people from the academe still intimidate me at times. and i do hate feeling bobo. i used to watch all the game shows i could lay my eyes on though lately i am finding it hard to answer even the easy questions in Janno Gibbs' Kakasa ka ba sa Grade 5. Drat!

oh well, i look at myself in the mirror and feel little wrinkles (wrinklets?) start creeping in. maybe i should finally be religious in applying those anti-aging cream my sister gave me. and these excess pounds i gained last holidays seem to be too comfy in packing up my butt already. and there's still that little jiggle on my tummy even when i don't feel like belly dancing. or maybe because i haven't really tried that new sneakers my bro gave me for kris kringle. but then it feels so cold to jog outside and my knees and joints are aching all over even before i started stretching up a bit. oh no, signs of aging!

waaah! i'm old, i feel old, i look old. and i'm even whining like some old lady already. darn it!