a weekend with tori

turned out i had to stay home again for the weekend. i've a "lakad" (for lack of a better term) which was once again rescheduled. but what the heck, am a resilient kiddo after all. no need to sulk in one corner huh! (yeah right)

i took the time to surf and surf and i realized am missing tori once more. my love for tori go back a long long time ago when a friend of mine introduced me to her pretty good year song so i bought the under the pink album. and i fell in love instantly i started buying her next ones and even backtracked on the previously released albums. i even had a lot of print outs of her pics and lyrics and life story, everything about her which i could get my hands on.



i also asked some friends abroad to get me singles of her which i couldn't fine here. yeah, i've met some rare friends too all because we worship the same goddess.

when neil gaiman came to the country and had schedules for a book signing i and my good friend JB took the time off to line up just for the autographs. never mind if we had to line up for a freakin 6 hours. and of course, i let him sign my Death and The High Cost of Living comic book only because, well of course, tori wrote the introduction ehe! and yeah, all i said to him was "pls, next time bring tori here with you!" hehehe i felt so ashamed of myself much later having realized what i just did! anyway you can review the full story here.



well anyway, i found myself itching for mp3s of here as most of my files are in my computer back home. i was fortunate enough to have found the site www.hereinmyhead.com where i could download almost all the tori hits i could find. yi-ha! so if you view my multiply account you can hear my goddess lulling you to a fantastic consciousness you never knew existed.

as if i was not ecstatic enough i woke up this early morning with a text message from my sister saying that she has finally found me the Tales of a Librarian double cd which i've been wanting for so long.

haaay, this is the layp!

sunday delight

after visiting Gesu (turned out there's no mass for today) i walked all the way to gate 2 bent on getting myself a chicken joy. hell, nothin beats some familar food sometimes. as i walked up the overpass though i saw the red big sign which reminded me of some mouth watering buttery creamy mashed potatoes so i didn't hesitate and went to red ribbon instead. jollibee can always wait.

such a great Sunday just the same. ;)

bloggin love

i've never really known what real love is all about. yeah, i'm the kind of person who loves to be in love all the time. but it's merely just the notion of being thought of and being able to think of someone in a different light. the kind of love that makes you giddy with excitement just with the thought of seeing the person.

in school we were even introduced to scott peck who gave us his own definition of love being not just a feeling but a decision. that love becomes love when you decide to stay with the person even when the sparks have gone out and the excitement has died.

i'm afraid though that i never got into experiencing that kind of love. or i chose not to love that way anyway. love has not been so good to me. i only ended up hurting and hating.

but then when i had my son i knew what love is all about. it's the kind of feeling that brings tears in your eyes just looking at that helpless newborn longing for your touch. it dispells all that notion of love being difficult and hurting and even cruel. it's like falling in love at first sight. falling in love all over again. falling in love all day everyday.



forgive me, but yeah. am back to being in love once again. so great that you'd see the sparkles in my eyes just like that.

oh, look!!!

(photo courtesy of www.pinkisthenewblog.com)


while at it, i'd like to copy this one from my email:

Hotline Opens to Counsel Heartbroken Potter Fans
Lifestyle
A British book retailer plans to set up a counseling hotline for all heartbroken fans of Harry Potter, who is going to die in the much awaited next book.

The seventh and final book of J. K. Rowling includes the death of the popular character.

It is already topping the charts at Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com, and a deluxe edition of the book is second despite a hefty pricetag.

counseling, my foot!! o sya, then lemme just offer the services of my very own home then for your psychoemotional needs. we do specialize in crisis counseling anyway. har-har!

the weekend that was

i kinda had a good enough weekend...quite interesting but not that great. newei, here's a few recap.:

1. had the luxury of waking up late...yeah, sleep is such a heavenly thing for me to do. i love to sleep! and since i've "lived" here in the office i could not sleep till late anymore. so this weekend i took my time and woke up like past 12 heheh...

2. i later went to the salon and had my toe nails done. had it painted red. landi!!!!


3. later that afternoon i got to meet some new friends from pex singles' couch. met up with miss vb, my nick relative and had coffee at bo's. we had quite a chitchat as we waited for santo and naru to arrive. i have been reading this cutesy story at pex titled welcome to my life and is so touched by it that i brought them to meat shop, were one of the scenes actually took place. however, my images of it were shattered because, they have just transferred to a different location. and though it was but near, the service seemed to have gone back to a dry run. we waited for almost an hour for our food. we were hungry and we had to wait a long time even if we only asked for additional bowls or spoons. drat! our friend santo felt compensated for their incompetence though by taking home a bowl and a tissue holder. :p

4. that night, i was able to track down a long lost friend via friendster. i met gen like 9 years ago during a national writers workshop held in iligan. she hails from antique.we had crazy times. i remember vividly, us young girls then, lounging at the hotel rooftop singing along with tori amos, lost in the melodies and drift of her songs. gen considers us all as "old souls" don't exactly know what it means but i sense something really meaningful and beautiful about it. i'm set to meet her for coffee soon. yey!

5. i went to mass that sunday morning, my first in ages. i still felt peaceful and reflective in there. i've seen a few college friends and boy how i envied those who were with their families. i've always loved the sight of young ladies hugging their dads and every child kissing their parents while wishing them "peace". never fails to melt my heart.


6. after mass i went out of the campus to eat and later sought a net cafe where i hope to see Xan on webcam. unfortunately Xan was asleep, and they had trouble back home connecting to ym. darn it again.

7. i felt really frustrated i wanna kick myself hard. you see, i was hoping i'd get to go out with a friend that sunday. we were supposed to watch a movie. the prospect of being able to go out and see him again actually excited me. however, i didn't hear from him. no text, no nothing. i remembered praying hard that saturday night for just one text message. i don't care if it wasn't pushing through. i just wanted to know instead of waiting for forever. i just hate it so much when i expect. kaya nga i would always remind myself, as said in The Joy Luck Club, "never expect, only hope!". sometimes i wish i could not be that bratty anymore. twas glad though that i still have some ym friends. friends who quizzed me about it only to laugh at me and later comfort me. some friends huh! couldn't really blame them. i found it laughable too. oh well, the "date" never took place. and i might reprimand him about it the next day, or not. i dunno.

8. because of some much ill feelings, i opted to order food at mcdonald's and ended up bingeing on a big mac, large fries and strawberry float. yum!

oh well, i'll pray once more tonight that i'll have a more peaceful disposition for the week to come.

so how was your week?

oh what a hottie!!!

i gawked and gasped and drooled! never mind if he's still but a kid. but my oh my, he's the oh-so innocent looking daniel radcliff no more!


















here's more:







sigh. i'm never gonna watch Harry Potter the same way again....*blush*

reconnecting

i went out again last night to the delight of my officemates here who were kinda worried that i seem to have been hiding for long. it's just that since i've been staying here in the office i've been of course on duty for like errr 24/7. no wonder our computer terminals have been overheating as i chose to reconnect on the net rather than in the flesh...

well, last night i opted to meet with fellow moms whom i've met on the net (but of course) and was truly glad to have found people like them. yeah, cyberspace does not just supply you with a handful of suitor wannabes but friends as well.



the mommies went on with the usual yakkity yak we are so known for. what is it with moms anyway that could make us continuously babble about our kids and anything else for that matter? even if we've only met each other for the first or a second time we seem to have been brought together by a special bond.

after a great dinner at the recipes ,hmmm great food by the way, some of the mommies went home ahead while a few of us stayed a bit for some mamam fun yi-ha.

really had a blast and i sure would want to see each one of them again. ;)

at first sight

i realized i'm not a nicholas sparks fan anymore. i find this book a letdown, can't say major letdown..slight lang hehe...

though i loved a walk to remember and the notebook so much i remembered i stopped buying his books after having predicted the ending of a bend in the road even midway to its story.

maybe i imagined it to be much of a hardcore love story or a suspense love thriller, if there is such. i found the first few chapters to be too mundane, too ordinary. i mean, most couples are actually going through what was described and i learned nothing new there (or maybe because i just Pex a lot :D ) and those suspicious emails were just sort of a lousy distraction and was never resolved anyway.

the ending may not have been predictable but it was a major disappointment. sigh. i'll still might read his books if my sister still buys them (paging!) but i don't think i'd buy them again for myself. bleh!

how about you, have you read it and actually like it??

missing Xan

i'm home on a friday night. nowhere to go. not really wanting to go out with anyone anyway. pathetic but true. i'm currently reading a book but my thoughts are wandering somewhere else. how i wish am home and not here sulking and mulling over what and who's not here.

as i was thinking about this blog i stumbled upon a thread in Pex which inspired me to expound on this. special thanks to ms. violetbabe, nick relative. :D newei, here's my own list:

-i miss waking up till noon, kissing my dear Xan, and getting up for coffee just the same.

- i miss watching Game Ka na Ba with Xan and trying hard to get the million peso question.

-i miss sleeping again and or chatting with my sis as Xan make cutesy faces on our webcam.

- i miss lining up with my nieces and nephews for our 1 hour each allowance use at the computer.

-i miss running after Xan everytime he darts to the stairs and would even retort back when i would try to stop him.

-i miss watching GMA telebabad with my family. here, it really doesn't make sense watching Bakekang or Jumong alone.

-i miss my mama's cooking. even the sight of her favorite paksiw na isda which i don't eat at all.

-i miss our pet cats Ginger and Ponkie which my mama no longer allows entry to the house since they got skin diseases.

-i miss waking up to the background sound of Eudemons whenever my nephew would sneak in to the pc and play till the wee hours of the morning.

- i miss Xan's toothy smile as he sees me holding his toothbrush. he just loves brushing his teeth even if he gets tickled when the bristles brush his gums.

-i miss chatting with my nieces as they recount their anecdotes for the day.

-i miss teaching Xan to say "Mai-mai" even he says back Ma-pa or babababa....

-i miss scouring the ukays at the market with my sis and my nieces.

-i miss taking Xan to jollibee and hearing him say "mmmmmm" whenever i feed spaghetti.

i could go on and on but waaaahhhh i just really miss Xan and everyone home!!!!!!

stalking daughtry

well, oh well...what can i do, i love his clear, raspy voice. and i don't care if he didn't won AI last year, he's won me over.

i found this vid with him singing one of my fave songs Plush by Stone Temple Pilots. which i could follow him everywhere. yeyeye!

still hooking up?

these past few months i've been hearing one sob story after another over failed relationships. what's more heartbreaking is that these relationships actually lasted for more than 5 years. i dunno, maybe speed dating and whirlwind romances could just be the thing now???

here's some of their stories:

-friend no. 1 and her bf are supposed to get married last december. they have been together for 9 years. however the guy met someone else and asked the gf for a cool off. what's a cool off anyway? tipong pagod na ako pahinga muna tayo at try sa iba? well, the gf tried hard to make it work just the same. even begged her bf to stay, nevermind if the guy sees both of them still. duh! but the guy was keen on staying away and chased after this other girl. oh well, the marriage date was of course cancelled.

-friend no. 2 was with her bf for 7 years before getting married. they we're together for 4 years till one day they fought really hard and he almost strangled her to death. although they' ve fought occasionally he was never violent till that time. she feared for her life that she ran away and left him. she vows to never go back to him and even filed a police report on the incident. a tro was subsequently issued to the guy.

-friend no. 3 is with his gf for 6 years. they even lived together for while till his gf left for another country last year. early december she confessed she met someone new. the bf of course was devastated but what can he do? now he has to face the daunting task of disposing the ref, tv, and other furnitures they own as a couple. drat!

i'd like to believe that maybe it's just a phase they are going to. that maybe somehow they will still be able to patch things up. but i can't help but surmise that maybe it's just how things are sometimes. my sister is telling me that Satan may actually be working double time to wreak havoc on relationships. oh well...

talking about these situations however have been greatly helping me look away from my own situation.it has helped me keep afloat in this sea of brokenness. we even tried to look for really happy relationships around us and could sadly pinpoint but a few. really sad indeed.

the question now is whether to believe in the power of love just the same or remain cynical and wary about it. although i admit about feeling giddy and excited about the prospect of going out and maybe finding someone new i still am doubtful that any of these could really lead to something good. ayayay...

how about you, would you still choose to hook up just the same???

10 years of what???

i was at ym with a long lost college friend yesterday and it both occured to us that it's actually been 10 years ago since we graduated from college (yeah, am that old!) we excitedly talked about a grand reunion, at least for us orgmates as there's no news yet for a university-wide one.

deep inside though i felt this pang of shame telling her that i'm still inside the walls of our school. hell yeah, am at my comfort zone and i'm finding it really hard to get out. the same way that i prefer to cling to my family more than ever.

as i was walking out from our office later that day i sort of became depressed thinking what i've done and what i've accomplished for the past 10 years. it may seem ironic that though most of my high school friends consider how much of a success i am i still am a nobody when compared to my college mates. but what's a "nobody" anyway? i think of what i have and all i can boast of are the photos i've collected through the years, the number of books mostly novels and self helps i got from book sales and some from specialty shops, and some mileage accumulated from all my travels. darn, what's to count anyway. my bank account's not much to speak of. i've a lot of credit card bills though. waaaahh! i feel so poor!

come to think of it, my job has led me to a lot "good" people who claim that i have touched their lives and have given them enough inspiration. maybe i'll just have to bank on that for now. yeah right!

back to reality

sigh. am back here in manila again. back to living in my suitcase and some other stuffs in boxes as i still "squat" here in our office.

the flight went on pretty smoothly though i barely had enough sleep since my Xan was in his usual aswang mode and preferred to stay up till almost 5am that day.


i even had to wake him up around 8am before i left. my so obedient Xan stirred, sat up and gave me his sweetest smile. never mind if i roused him from deep sleep. i am truly blessed.

great thing i had a good book with me, mitch albom's for one more day which was really a good companion.

oh darn, my things here in the office are still messed up and i still feel like sleeping some more and my body still aches from all that wave wrestling we had.

but this is only the start of my new year here at work. just have to give myself some more "me" time and "work" time and just keep myself busy and amused.

before i knew it, i'll be riding that plane again to take me back home into my Xan's arms. bliss!;)

Baby no more

my son just turned one last sunday. i've a baby no more. it seemed like days ago when i learned i have him and walked around with a bulging tummy. how time really whizzes by.

it seemed like yesterday when i would be up till late when he cries and coos till i nurse him to sleep. now all he does is run around and swings his toys like crazy till his eyelids droop.

sooner or later this baby will be charging out the door and into the streets.

i miss my baby.

last year...

(To celebrate my Xan's bday today, I'm reposting this entry which i posted to our Pex forum. Haay, so good to reminisce lang)


I was due feb.1 or late january but it was only jan. 14 around 530am nung nagising ako at parang may nagloosen na buto sa hips ko. then i felt na parang naiihi ako, i was sleepy so i held it down for a while kaso nag trickle na yung water so i slowly got up and went to the bathroom downstairs. dahan2 ako naglakad while controlling the water. i made it through the restroom and peed, ang tagal hehehe...i went back to my room, water was still trickling. i woke my mom up na . medyo nataranta din sya, got up at once and woke my niece up. kami lang kse sa bahay. i was lying on my side sa bed. then my mom told me, baka d pa yan. minsan daw kse a week after pa lalabas. i got her fon tinext ko mga kilala sis ko at friend ko na gustong sumama sa hosp (med tech kse sya) then i timed my contractions. mga 5 mins apart pa lang.i was dictating to my niece what bag to use, what to bring. d ako handa!! i even asked my mom kung klangan na pumunta sa hosp. bat daw sya tinatanong ko. heheh


around 7 nagpatawag na ako taxi. i was wearing pa din my daster na basa na. nahihiya pa ko sa driver kse nabasa seat nya. pagdating sa hosp ni IE na ko and told me 4cm pa lang. ni shave na ko then told me to wait lang. i wasn't adviced to walk or move around. ask ko lang kung ok lang nman mag text heheh... i texted everyone. my bro texted back to say "good luck". i was wheeled to my room to wait. i was told na pag medyo nai-ebs ako at masarap na umire then it's time na.

Yun, masakit na, masarap umire. para kang nai-ebs nga. i called na the nurse. i was wheeled back to the delivery room. tapos sabi 8cm na ako. dpat 9cm pa. My feet we're up on the stirrups. the nurse and the doc were in front of me nag chichikahan.i would whimper during contractions pero d ako sumisigaw, shy ako eh heheh...my bestfriend was there with me holding my hand. sobrang sakit na i got my legs from the stirrups and laid on my side, grabe ang sakit, i vomited. yes, i pooped din. sabi ng doc it's ok to poop kse kasunod daw bebi na lumabas. about an hour later 8cm pa din. liit na tummy ko and yet ang taas pa ni bebi. my doc suggested for me na mag CS. bulong ko sa frend ko sana normal din lang ang bayad heheh...tapos i asked pa my mom sa labas kung ok lang cs ako ayoko kse talaga. then nag decide na ko. i was rushing the doc na kse sobrang sakit. kaso someone else was scheduled na sa operating room so they have to refix it para mauna ako. I was wheeled there i was on my knees, pina pa straighten ako ng doc for the anesthesia ayoko gumalaw, pinilit nya ako, sinakyan para madrecho then inserted somthing sa back ko. then i felt numb na. then nag panic ako kse i couldn't breath, gusto ko sumigaw walang sound. i prayed na lang na mag pass out ako. yun, i woke up tapos na daw. i couldn't move. i slept for hours and hours. yun... then my doc told me na buti namadali kse nag cord coil pala bebi ko at nakatingala sya, his chin was up kaya nakaharang d sya makalabas agad. ang tagal daw makaiyak kse stressed na sa loob, and boy he's big at 7.18lbs! heheh...now i've my 4 month old bebi Xan.

prepping up for another celebration

the past months have really been crazy for our household most particularly our kitchen. we've been planning and preparing one party after another since most of our birthdays fall along with the holidays too. and now that my son is being added to the list too we are now busy preparing as well for his first birthday.

really great as we've been really excited celebrating his big day that we've celebrated mini birthdays every month as a sort of practice and countdown. we can't wait!!!

my greatest gift

the little boy in my manger.

blocked from view

after all the fireworks and the revelries taking place last holidays my birthday which is coming up in a few days may all be just a pfft. who cares for another celebration anyway when it's already the time to lose all the fats we've had and recover the sleep lost for all that partying. o well..

and guess what, my son's birthday is coming up soon too and i go on with the hassles of giving him a big anough bash trampling on my own birthdate along the process. ayay!

but what's a birthday anyway? it's just adding another year, counting more passed days, going through collected photos and events, welcoming more wrinkles and all that comes along with aging. who cares if am gonna be 31 soon.

yeah, 31!!! it's ok, my son's turning one too. at least it would be so much easier to compute our age gap heheh...

Baked Pork Ribs for New Year

since my bro brought tons of seafoods from Zamboanga for our media noche, i opted to prepare meat as my share. i tried googling for several pork roast and rib recipes and got several ideas from different sites.

Dec. 30, we scoured the supermarket and meatshops for a goodlooking piece of meat and finally settled for a more than a kilo of rib part. when i got home though i forgot at what site i found the recipe that i wanted to follow so i just made out my own. here's what i remembered doing heheh....

ingredients:
pork ribs (uncut)
salt
pepper
all spice powder (mcormick)
calamansi juice
beer

sauce:
200 g. tomato sauce
1/2 cup brown sugar
catsup

procedures:
1. rub meat with salt, pepper and all spice powder.
2. add calamansi juice and about 3 cups of beer.
3. marinate for a few hours or up to a day. i let it stand for a day.
4. mix tomato sauce and brown sugar to be used for basting.
4. pre-heat oven up to 220 C.
5. put ribs in a pan along with the stock. bake it for 1 hour and 30 mins. baste it with tomato sauce and brown sugar every 30 minutes.
6. Turn the meat over and let it bake for another 30 minutes.
7. remove meat from the pan and mix remaining stock with the remaining tomato sauce and brown sugar mixture and add catsup. let it boil for a while. use this as sauce/ topping for the meat. yummy!

Happy eating!